Well, so the reason I brought it up was to explain how when you first thought or feared those things, you were experiencing those emotions on an internal level before anything outside happened/manifested.

You most likely went through an internal struggle of emotions/thoughts/fears etc. all in your own head!!!

So the good news about that is that if it all started in your head, you can look at what's in front of you and take the thorn out...basically, no one did anything here but you....but that's a good thing because while you were the "problem," you're also the solution!!!  

Which means that if you can take a step back and realize that the person in control here of your feelings and thoughts and well, reality, is you and only you, then it can become easier to look at where you've been and what you've done to yourself with your thoughts and basically cut the ties to the self-harm.  

When you have thoughts that make you feel bad, you can hopefully get to a place where you realize that basically, the only monster under your bed or in your closet....is you!!!  And if you think of it that way, and use that mental picture/analogy, hopefully you find that funny and laugh a little and realize that it's a bit like being scared of your own shadow

In my opinion, you're not terrified of losing "him" - you're terrified of your own thoughts and the bad feelings they might give you....but you're your own and only monster....

Yes, it's about regaining control/controlling your own thoughts and basically stopping being your own boogey man