thanks! this is great and i really get what you mean. it bothers me a little that i still attract a lot of what i don't want but eh, working on it! (being aware helps volumes!!!).

fun fact: i also always wanted to be in movies, but mostly on tv. it's on my bucket list to work as an extra. (no, really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

redgreenyellow wrote:

ShootingStar wrote:

. Even if you want a castle, you actually have to get to a point where you nearly think you'd prefer a beach house or maybe a small flat in the centre of New York. You have to over come the 'bigness' of it and think bigger or differently.  

The problem with this approach, IMO, is that it ends up being a repeating cycle of cat and mouse. Even if the castle comes along because you want to live in NY but decide to stay in the castle, eventually you'll get comfortable and will want to unpack your things. However, the only reason you got the castle was because you didn't want to be there, now you do want to be there... so it goes away!!

While its important to accept that you can be happy in a castle or apt in NYC or even sleeping under the bridge... why attract things that want to be with you only when you don't want to be with them? Obv there's a BIG difference between telling your ex that you've named your future children already and picked out a wedding dress and having them, understandably, freak out and being very authentic, self respecting and honest and saying "hey, I still have feelings for you and want to see if things work out... but I'm ok if they don't" and having them freak out. If the guy freaks out in the second scenario, but is ok hanging out with you as long as you are perfectly detached, laid back and emotionally disconnected, what is the use of this man? He's not there because he loves and values and respects you... he's there because he's into you until you are into him. And cue on and off relationship. 

Well people like people who value themselves above them. So I would feel attracted to a man who cares more about his own happiness than being with me. So that's where you begin the relationship. If you still have feelings for someone, then you will be happy being with them (probably) but when you are detached, you won't fall to pieces when they don't seem to call you back after an hour or have a heart attack when you see them talking to a girl from their work place. That understanding of 'if he cares about me, he will show it, and I will be happy with that, but if he doesn't care, he won't show it, and I will be ok if I move on'. Only people with bad self esteem don't like people who show interest in them even when they liked that person before they liked them. If that happens, then you know it was just about the chase and you will be ok with moving on too. Saying 'I like you pretty much, let's see how this goes' is ten times more appealing than 'I can't live without you'. The latter statement said is more romantic, it might get a person to take notice and to feel flattered but in practice, it's suffocating and awful. We want people to say 'you are my world' and 'I love you so much and my world will stop if you leave' because we want our egos to be fed and we want those romantic moments and our hearts to flutter, but on a daily basis, we feel happier with someone who is happy with themselves and won't fall to pieces without us. No one likes to feel pressured to be someone's whole happiness. 

Therefore, when an ex comes back and you say 'I still have feelings for you, want to see if we can do this one more time?' instead of 'I'm so happy you came back, I love you! I've always loved you! I've been miserable without you!' then you will be in a much better position to win back their attraction AND respect. Also if your ex does come back to you while you are still genuinely feeling your world will collapse without them (which we all go through feeling) then it is likely that that ex is coming back to you just to feed their current loneliness or low self esteem because your vibe is too desperate to attract them back in a genuine way. This happens a lot, exs come back sometimes very soon after a break up because they know they can and they're a bit scared of the real world and feeling a bit lonely, but then they tend to quickly get bored of the other person's suffocating love and leave again. 
Like attracts like....if you are in a desperate and needy place, you will attract people who are also on a low end of the self esteem scale until they climb up the scale using your attention as their fuel and then leave you. 
 

ShootingStar wrote:

But it can't be at the front of your mind, it must be at the back. But it must be active in the back of your mind and it must be something you nearly feel you're 'over' or 'grown out of' or 'better than' you can never think you'll never get it because 'it's a fantasy' or 'it just won't happen so who cares'.

I have to disagree on that, because my experience taught me otherwise. I had two (for me) big manifestations that were in the front of my mind most of the time and it still manifested. But when it comes to an ex/specific person, I fully agree with you. It doesn't help to think about them all the time, because most of the thoughts aren't as positive as people think they are. For me, it's much easier to feel positive about a university place or an apartment (that were the two big ones), because there a plenty of it or if not plenty, at least more than one. We are taught to think in probabilities, and chances to get something that is limited to one exemplar seems to be much less than a thing that is avaible in many different forms.
 

ShootingStar wrote:

The idea of it being at the back of your mind is actually basically the idea of letting go really.... but if you can have a very positive vibration towards your manifestation then it works to have it in the front of your mind You were also under a time limit to get those manifestations so they naturally were at the front of your mind because you were thinking about them and how you want them to happen soon so you were in full focus and motivated and determined and little resistance so I think that's why they fell into place so nicely  

You are right, I had time limits both times, but I still had a lot of resistance going on, at least at some point. I'm still trying to figure that out. I think with the apartment it happened, when I finally accepted where I was at that point and didn't longer try hard to change the situation. I had a lot of doubt about the university place in the beginning, but after a while I thought something like "Well, I don't have anything to lose and if I don't get a place, I can try again next year", so in a sense, I accepted my situation here as well. Maybe that's the key. Most people fight hard against not being with their person. They act as if and deny their situation. I think I finally understand what they mean by being okay with not being with the person. It's not that one should accept that it might not happen. It's about accepting the Now as it is.