Blokes like this make me so cross. Telling you what you want to hear in order to have sex makes me furious.  

MadMoiselle87 wrote:

. He told me when he came back that he isn't sure if we should meet because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore.
....
 But I wish I could have the chance to show him that I have changed ...

Generally men say what they mean, so if he's afraid of hurting you, whether you have sex with him or not, he's still afraid of hurting you. Feelings can change, of course, but I've learned to always take people's words for truth rather than trying to re-analyze the hidden meanings behind it. If/when his feelings change, his words will change too. 

If you want to show him that you've changed, the best thing that you can is get to loving yourself enough when you don't have to worry about getting a guy back that basically hooked up with you and then changed his mind. You deserve better! The guy should be all over you thanking his lucky stars that he got to hook up with you and share that experience with you than making you feel bad for doing something "wrong". 
 

I was in this position maybe twice with my ex guy. So basically, ok, I'm lucky in the way that I happen to be one of the most physically attractive girls out of the group of people he and I used to know and socialize with, so I had that always going for me. So when this happened, when he was coming to me for sex but saying he didn't want a relationship, I decided to take the chance and just keep steady about what I wanted. So I would tell him 'ok, well if you want a sexual friends relationship with me for now, then it has to be with just me and no one else'. So the first time he didn't want to do that and said he was sorry but he didn't want to be with me blah blah blah. So I just sort of accepted it but kept contact alive and sort of stayed emotionally very close, like talking to him a lot about how I was worried about college and family and stuff, and basically going to him for emotional advice and support and also going out on weekends with my friends. I think it was the fact that I didn't allow him to disconnect from me emotionally because I kept the contact open but he did feel like he could sleep around and try it out with other girls, but I know that the times then when he did sleep with another girl, he stopped liking her like a few days afterwards. He was still emotionally with me because I wanted him to see that I was serious about wanting us to work out and then he came back to me after like maybe 4ish months of that. The next time, which was last year, again we had gone through a real proper break up and he wanted to move on but I did the same thing. This time though, he actually got himself a girl who called herself his girlfriend and she was on his level so I was really threatened and scared but I still did the same thing, kept the lines of communication open, went out on weekends looking good, and then the point where things started going back to where I wanted them was when I became emotionally vulnerable just to him because of a death in my family and that emotional trust made him reconnect with me and he ended up dumping that new girl after like 3 months... However, it wasn't really a good thing we had going after that as it was the time before because I think he felt really guilty about that girl and dumping her and he couldn't just be happy to come back to me as much as he was the first time. He said he didn't want a relationship with me so I just accepted it but I would text him to meet up and hang out and stuff as friends and act just like a fun friend and I would know he would get attracted to me so I felt like even though he said he just wanted to be friends, he couldn't and that it was going to end up being a relationship again like the time before. It was so close to being back to perfect. After about 2 months of me being frustrated because he just wanted to be 'friends' even though I knew he still was attracted to me and was emotionally tied to me, he was finally starting to relax back into the idea of us and seeing that when he did hang out with me, he was having a lot of fun. I didn't pressure him to do anything but just hang out with me because then I would get my vibe high and feel confident that I was going to make his day and have a great time with him and he was going to want to kiss me after it all. He was super super into me. He was so into me that one day when I was just really relaxed in baggy jeans going to meet him, he nearly jumped on me the second he saw me because he just wanted me that badly. It was sexual but it was intense sexual and then it was fun and light too, like we laughed together and smiled and it was cute and like the beginning to a really good thing. The only thing that stopped it from happening was another girl from his work who actually manipulated him and I think maybe some friends of his were telling him crap like how he was 'weak' to get back with me or whatever....
So he ended it just as it was beginning...

However, that's basically the best way to do it. People change their minds all the time. If you show him he can have the best day if he hangs out with you, then you're going to win him. If you show him that you're going to be the sexiest girl, then you're going to win him. You just really need to feel that power that you will have him kneeling on his knees begging for you and walk with that air. Be even a little cocky, it's ok. He's going to expect the opposite, he's going to expect you to either decide to stop seeing him and he'll respect you for that but he'll move on, or to keep seeing him but act like you're desperate and needy. You can actually just win him by wanting to hang out with him as much as a friend might but making those times you hang out as if you are just meeting for the first time. Don't make any first moves when it comes to sex or touch and feel free to even tease him and I actually would advise turning down sex. For me, sex is something I really enjoy and I feel attractive when I have sex and I feel able to express my femininity through sex so having sex with my guy when we weren't together was all under my control and what made him also bond with me more. I'm quite strong about sex though, I can detach it from my emotions. But you don't have to do that if you don't think you could, but you can spend time with him and emotionally connect  

MadMoiselle87 wrote:

Hey guys

I'm sooo frustrated right now ... I always thought I would type my success story here but now I'm pretty anxious that this won't happen.

I attracted my guy with the help of Veronica's books and stuff back but now things are going wrong . We have met a few times now (even had sex a few times already) and yesterday he slept the first time at my place again. Aww it was sooo awesome to cuddle with him in the night. I waited for this for so long *.*. But today he suddenly said that he still doesn't want a relationship and rather wants to be single. He feels sorry but I would have to accept that it won't be like in the past anymore. He said that he still thinks that I'm his soulmate but as a friend ... He even said if I can't handle that maybe we shouldn't meet anymore because he doesn't want to hurt me ...

It's sooo weird my heart still thinks we are meant to be and I really thought my LOA stuff did work. The first time he contacted me was after the first time I tried RS ! I don't know ... What do you guys think? Is there still hope? :/

xoxo

MadMoiselle

you should now try visualising what you want to hear from him. Your anxiety is blocking you from getting him back. Try to control it.

 

Okay I don't know if anyone reads that lol buuuut short update:

Luckily he messaged me yesterday ... but it wasn't only positive ... First of all he was very horny but didn't have much time so he thought about visiting me shortly to have some sex and drive after... Honestly I have to admit there were times where I said 'yeah okay come over' just to see him but yesterday I said 'no I don't want to see you just for sex' so he had to accept that. (guess that was a reaction after my sexual RS on him yesterday morning) After he calm down he said sorry and that he didn't want to make me feel he only wants to see me because of that.

But something weird happened after!

Before he contacted me I was afraid that he wouldn't text me anymore and was frustrated so I did some scripting to make me happy again and in the script I let him gave me a present and let him say 'for you my little belle' (we always said in the past we're beauty and the beast lol). Though we had this stupid conversation he suddenly said 'Our contact didn't change... I'm heading to bed. Sleep well little belle' I was like WTF?! Is this a sign all my PW and scripting does still work? But why is he still this strange and texting the other girl? I'm confused lol.... What do you guys think?

Last edited by MadMoiselle87 (9/09/2016 5:47 am)