Bandages wrote:

Thanks, Wolf. I guess I am at a strange stage of disbelief in terms of LOA. I'm not sure what the best course of action is at that stage. How do believe in it more? I'm losing faith so I'm not sure if I should take a break? I definitely feel I have no power whatsoever.

By feeling that way you atttract it. Start with small things. Do you think you have still doubts in LoA, if you attracted 100 small things? Probably not. So, attract random things, gifts, even people if you feel confident enough.

I can guarantee you that LoA is real.

Thanks. I appreciate it. Well I guess the issue is that I have 2 good feelings:

1. To imagine us together kissing, smiling, laughing, holding hands (but when he is around me looking at other women and ignores me, I feel we will never meet  - it's been 8 months - then I feel awful). I am not sure if I can 'feel good' if the feeling awful part comes with it.

2. To forget it entirely. That is, to say 'I want him but I cannot control if and how it happens' and let it go. I should say this does not feel good at the beginning but not 'clinging' to someone will eventually help me to feel at peace. I also find it difficult to not fantasise about him/visualise. It's 'addictive' which I am not sure is a good feeling. It's more along the lines of 'yearning' than 'having'.

So it's joy (eventual pain) vs pain (eventual peace).

It's funny because I have had evidence of this working years ago with celebrities (usually if I think of someone, I see them) and even a lover (he was what I think may be called a 'reflection' when I should have waited for the real thing but I took one of the reflections - he was one of many who looked the spitting image of the person I wanted). I gave up on the actual person because he got someone pregnant so I though 'this is it - it's over'. I just googled him now and it turns out he married very recently but not the mother of his child. He split up with her. So this helps me think 'relationships can change'. Perhaps I should have been patient. I've also received money this way (the week before the money was being 'handed out' shall we say, I had a sense of 'this is how my life will be when I get it'). Incidentally, this job I have now came when I could imagine the life I would have with it - again 'this is how life will be - i'll do this, that etc.' and suddenly I got a call out of the blue from a recruitment agency who don't even specialise in my field. 

I have just recently lost faith - maybe because it involves a specific person, maybe because I don't like the life I can imagine with him... locked away in a house in the middle of nowhere (but we can move, right?). I think it's much easier if you do not have to see the person every day as you can just let it go and let it happen. I've never ever had to deal with that before and as I am a very 'reactive' person, I don't deal with it well. It's also tough when I see so many beautiful women at work who he would want more than me (I am not even pretty) and when men don't look at me I feel like less-than-a-woman. It was also much easier to attract the other guy all those years ago because it involved someone whose mannerisms, physicality, speech etc. I could see (hello youtube) so I could visualise him - 'feel his imprint' - very easily and found someone with the same appearance, mannerisms etc. I can't do this with the current man because he is 'private'/a ceo type figure who does not speak to others much. I can just about get glimpses of his physicality. I don't even know what he sounds like. He speaks quietly and never comes to my section. I can't "gather enough field research" to visualise with. I think if you want a specific person, this is crucial (as opposed to thinking of the 'feel ' of an ideal not-yet-known person you want and them coming into the picture). When I didn't care about him, he noticed me all the time. I didn't even notice him until 2 months ago. I think I'd like to get back there again - to visualise, find a way of knowing he is coming (that usually comes when I can visualise very clearly and 'feel' him so to speak) and to then not visualise again and get on with my life. I can't 'let go' until I KNOW. I can't 'find' that quiet peaceful feeling within myself much like what you said about visualising a small thing - there is no reason why this should not happen. This is right and true etc. I honestly think it's 100 times easier to manifest a celebrity that someone you cannot 'imprint'.

You probably don't need to know any of this but writing about it is helping me work through my next steps.

I am going for the yellow flower for now. And I need to focus on myself because this process is exhausting, consuming and makes me feel as if I am 'less'/on the back foot. Thinking about what my intuition is telling me, it's telling me that I need to build myself up - to find some inner radiance, to come to life first. To enjoy life. It is possible but I must come into my own first. Thanks for your responses. I know some of you find it frustrating when people don't 'get it' but sometimes, talking ideas through helps. I will keep you updated but this may take a manner of months/years. I won't forget.