Love and prosperity for all, there are no favorites in this world when you truly desire something. I want to get to know spirit more, she seems so wonderful, my true self. Also, I am apart of a women's empowering group now motivating other women to keep on going.

Sanshi wrote:

holistichealing wrote:

Also, I am apart of a women's empowering group now motivating other women to keep on going.

Congratulations. That sounds like a success story.

I don't really know what to say to your first post. I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm sure you can handle it. You have all the knowledge you need. Sometimes it's hard to implement it, especially because you have to fight against your old programs and pathways. But I'm sure you are well on your way.
 

Yes, I have been getting answers from the universe that I should keep on going and not hold back again. It's just I never really put time into healing and retraining my mind set. But I am getting there.

I agree with Sanshi, it can be too easy sometimes to fall back into old patterns when you get back together with an old partner. It would have been great if you could have been anxiety free when you were with him last but the fact is, you felt anxiety he would leave you for someone else and it happened right? Well now it's really cool that you're doing some soul searching and getting interested in spirituality and I recommend meditation too! But the real basis of soul searching and getting to know yourself is not to just change yourself and your beliefs but to just discover what your core beliefs are. Your core belief may now be that he will leave you. It makes sense, he's done it before, you're an intelligent woman, you take in information, you store it in your body and you can't just one day turn around and be the kind of woman who can genuinely see past things like that. It's not even pride, it's about learning how to be happy and live happily. I bet that feeling you had when you were with him recently wasn't the nicest, the feeling of fear of him leaving for someone else. If he came back, I would put money on it that you would still have that feeling even if you forgave him for it all. It's up to you to decide of course. Sometimes we want something but our real self just rejects it. That's why some women stay in marriages where they are being abused and feel unhappy, because they believe they want that person for whatever reason but they live their lives in misery, but then they say 'I love him'. It just doesn't make sense eventually to love something that causes you more harm than good but it's human nature sometimes, which is why some people are heroin and gambling addicts. There is obviously something going on in the connection between you and him that is wobbly and wrong. You seem very much obsessed about being with him and I know you have feelings for him, but I think you're putting up excuses why you're not together that aren't really the case. The reason why he isn't with you is plain and simply because he doesn't want to be. It's why my person isn't with me right now either. They don't want to be. Your person was with you recently and he wasn't happy, which we can know because he left, and by the looks of it, you weren't that happy either because you mentioned being worried he would leave you and maybe go to another person. Perhaps it's a case that your paranoia and insecurity pushed him away, that could be true, but you also have to sit down and think...if you really loved someone you had broken up with and wanted to try again, wouldn't you give them leeway to feel a bit insecure in the first few months? Wouldn't you feel more compassion for their insecurity? Would it really be fair to ask for their total trust all at once? Wouldn't you be prepared to work at it and build on it and take it slow because you know now you messed up by leaving but that they're worth it enough to try again with? 
I think it's a good idea for you to now sit down and think clearly about it whether or not this particular relationship is worth it. Do you think he was fair in the way he treated you and if he's with someone else now or wants someone else, do you think he's actually reliable and trustworthy as a man? Would you be afraid that even if you were to get married, he could still run off and have affairs or leave you if things were getting tough? Sometimes you really need to look clearly at the evidence of a person's character and think, would it actually make me happy to be with this person or would I prefer someone who is more loyal and fair and who does work harder at relationships and doesn't jump ship so easily...

I say this to you because I've been following your posts for a while and I can tell you're a very gentle and warm and loving spirit, but a spirit that can be misled by romance and love and idealistic in your thinking. I think sometimes we need to be logical and look at things with a cold eye for our own future happiness. 

I just want to clarify what I said because it might look like I'm just telling you to move on and give up but here's what I actually mean...

A child loves chocolate and starts eating it a lot until that child over time starts feeling sick and it's found out that the child is lactose intolerant, so her body rejects chocolate on it's own, but she still likes the taste of it. The child stops eating chocolate but misses the taste and wants to have it again, then she starts eating it again and it feels good until she starts getting even sicker because her body is even more lactose intolerant and it goes on until one day the child only has to have a single piece of chocolate and she feels sick. With our natural personalities and beliefs, we can be similar especially when we're hurt by someone. It's so hard to just forgive and think that it will never happen again for sure, but some of us can do that, but if it does happen again, then it just gets harder even though we want it. For LOA to work, we really need to see all the positives of a person and see them clear and strongly, but if our natural self is rejecting that person because our memories and our bodies remember the hurt and want to protect us from that feeling, then it becomes a lot harder to over ride that in our minds. Being hurt is traumatic, it shocks our system, changes us even. We do need time to heal from hurt. Like people who have terrible car accidents might be afraid of getting into a car for a little while even. Our subconscious wants to protect us and if your subconscious is trying to protect you against getting hurt by him, then you have to over ride that somehow and that can be damn difficult if he's not even around to work on it and help you believe in the relationship. He may not be willing or mature enough to actual handle the real work a real relationship takes after it's been broken and even though you may have attracted him to leave through this thinking, by leaving, he broke the relationship off so he left the relationship, not you. He can come back and trust you totally but you won't feel that same way about him and he may not be sensitive enough to really understand that. You can't live a lie either or force yourself to believe something you don't. You don't want to live your life looking over your shoulder after all. 

So I just wanted to explain my theory of law of attraction, that our core beliefs will always come through and do the attracting for us and if you can't change them then no matter how much you'd like to think you have, you will just go through this cycle again and again . Your belief might even be right in this case, maybe he isn't trustworthy and loyal you know, so don't think just because you were paranoid and anxious that it was a wrong thing to have felt. 

So spirit has helped me out with something. If I have anxiety about anything because at this point I have no relations with anybody, I just tell myself love did not create that, so it is not real. I am also going to start my gratitude journal again. I just want to feel whole in myself because I was always out of alignment with ME. I have a gift, and that gift involves being my happy free spirited self again . So I will do just that, my love is still there for all. I know I will get through this.