Cherished wrote:

You have to forgive, because forgiving is actually forgiving yourself. It's releasing EVERYONE from being perfect, including yourself. It's about u der standing that YOUR VIBRATION has attracted your circumstances, and that YOUR VIBRATION can absolutely change your circumstances. Forgiveness truly sets you free.

Without sounding condescending, I know. Thats whats holding me back and I read your forgiveness post over and over and I look up forgiveness, do exercises... Its whats holding me back from moving forward

Cherished wrote:

So if you KNOW, then do the vibrational work!  😊

I do, but it's making lasting change, getting the result that sticks and not suppresses it

Cherished wrote:

You just have to do the work. That's all there is to it 😊

Lol fair point. I've been working on it for months, I just want to truly forgive and not suppress it

Sanshi wrote:

ShootingStar wrote:

Awh no worries ! Just trying to share the message of happiness It took me so long to allow myself to just be a happy person. Took months of me deciding that I would never be happy without him, that I would never go near another man only him, that I would live in sadness and blackness until I got him. The amount of Lana Del Rey songs I listened to! Then one day I though, 'f**k it, I'm just going to go out and have fun tonight with my friends' and that got the ball rolling until I realised what a waste of time it really is to put the power of your happiness in someone else's hands. Sometimes I did get him back when I was in that mindset, and damn, I'm telling you it wasn't happiness I felt when he came back, it was just relief from sadness and depression and desperateness ! And it didn't last long and it wasn't actual happiness at all. No wonder why he ran away again! Now I know ! So I want to spread this because I think there are a few people on here who really need to understand that torturing yourself is not the answer and will NOT bring a happy relationship forth even if the person comes back. Especially if that specific person comes back! 

I think it's hard to get that at first. I knew intelectually that I wasted my time right from the very beginning, but I couldn't help but obsess about him. It seemed easier to get happy by getting him back (even though I wasn't happy in the last months of the relationship) than by doing it on my own. But now I know that it will never work to make someone responsible for my happiness. It will lead to too high expectations and kill every relationship after a while. The only "problem" is that I'm not so sure anymore, if I even want my guy, when he comes. I think that's another reason why people don't want to let go. They fear that they don't longer want the person. I don't really understand why that's so. It's a little strange.

I'm in the same space and I completely understand you! I went from thinking I need him back or I will die sort of thinking to now, I'm not sure if he came back if I would want him back but I know I still would like him to come back but the intensity is gone....Sometimes I see his name on someone's facebook and I feel a bit of disgust or else not much at all and I don't even want to ... To answer Boolala's original post, I have forgiven him for the things he's done, I know he only did what he thought would make him happy and I can't blame him for seeking out his happiness and that he was not being intentionally cruel or malicious, but lacked the emotional immaturity to understand how his actions would effect me and I know he subsequently felt a lot of guilt over it. I know he blames me for a couple of things too, I know that he has forgiven me but that he is human and needs time to heal too, like I did. I can say that my love for him is there , but naturally dying. That's the place you're at Sanshi I think. But it's weird! There's a good line in a song by Leona Lewis that says 'it's going to hurt when it heals too' and that's how we feel right now. We're not 100% over them, but we're not 100% into them either... 

Boolalal ,time heals all wounds. Just live with compassion, then forgiveness will naturally come. 

ShootingStar wrote:

Colonel Roosevelt wrote:

ShootingStar wrote:

Took months of me deciding that I would never be happy without him, that I would never go near another man only him, that I would live in sadness and blackness until I got him. The amount of Lana Del Rey songs I listened to! Then one day I though, 'f**k it, I'm just going to go out and have fun tonight with my friends' and that got the ball rolling until I realised what a waste of time it really is to put the power of your happiness in someone else's hands.

Was your decision to change like that a spur of the moment thing while you were sad or did you feel as if you've let the grief and sadness run its course and now you were free to feel better again?


 

I think one day I just got fed up of not being able to smile. I started getting jealous of happy people and also felt more and more disconnected with reality which I know is the beginning of going into a depression. By keeping myself in a perpetual state of torture over obsessing about him, I realized that I was actually ruining my life. Pretty much every 5 minutes I was thinking about him, thinking of ways to get him back, thinking of the things he said to me, thinking, thinking , thinking. 

Mindfulness practice is really good for stopping obsessing or unwanted thoughts !

I second mindfulness, I use it everyday.