Nice tips! Could really use some help myself, I attracted my girl back once before, but want her back again just finding it incredibly hard right now. Any advice?

Probably my wording was wrong ! OK here's what I mean, of COURSE visualise the BEST relationship ever ! But the best relationship ever still has moments of difficulties. So think about this : you get your boyfriend back, everything is blissful, you want to spend every moment you can with them and they're so happy then one day they want to hang out with their friends, totally normal situation right? Well in the past, you may have started worrying, getting a bit let down, upset, jealous even? But in this new relationship, you want it to work out better so it's good to imagine a situation like this and you keeping calm and happy and letting them go off and do their thing and feeling totally secure When I got back together with this person the first time, the first two months were blissful, then he planned a big trip abroad with his best friend and even though it had nothing to do with our relationship and was a plan they had while we were broken up and he still wanted to do it (6 weeks cycling around Europe, I hate cycling) I got so upset, insecure and we got into a huge on going argument over it that ruined us for a second time. 
Now, this wasn't worth that! This was a boys trip and I could have dealt with it better but because I had a total fairytale fantasy of us spending all our free time together, it blew my fantasy and my vibration out of the water. We did get back together after this but this did cause a break up and fights. Do you see what I'm getting at? This wasn't a relationship problem, but it became one because I wasn't able to see past my 'perfect' type of relationship and allow for imperfections to happen in a way that allowed our relationship to grow. If I could go back in time, I would have smiled, booked my own holiday with my friends for that time and then maybe met up with him after his trip and gone on our own special holiday and voila ! Sorted! But no, instead I fought, cried, stamped my feet, complained, brought everything down and boom crash and burn....
 

GirlyGirl111 - because I know my person so well, I already know the things about him that bother me and how I've reacted to them in the past....one is that he gets obessive about being this reggae DJ when he knows deep inside that his true calling is academics but he just doesn't have the self esteem or courage to pursue it and that annoys me because he isn't living his true potential and his real dream. So I think to myself, I love him, I want to be with him, but if I want us to be happy, I'm going to have to learn to accept that he will keep doing this DJ thing and I will have to be able to smile and support him which will be hard for me but I will have to do it for him if I love him. I love him, I want to be with him, but I will also have to remember that he is naturally independent and he adores his friends and if he gave up seeing his friends for me, he'd be very unhappy, so I will have to be ok with days or times where he wants to be with the boys and not me and be totally cool and fine about it I've gotten back together with him about 4 times and every time I had this fantasy ideal relationship in my head of just me and him most of the time and trying to make it happen but every time, he's felt smothered and pressured and I don't want to make him feel that way again, I want him to be happy I'm looking forward to being back together because I think now I'm better being alone and we might finally be totally compatible, I know I won't be clingy anymore.
So to change the relationship to get the one of your dreams, you do have to take the real knowledge you know of what makes that person happy and also what makes you happy and change yourself in small ways to be more easy going or more independent or whatever needs be that can work for the both of you If you are the same person and they are the same person, you will just have the exact same relationship and that's a waste of time because we all know how that went..... So it's about keeping in alignment, but also learning new ways to be the girl of his dreams so he feels inspired to be the man of yours   

Hey all, I actually think the general point of the post was advice through her experience and I personally appreciate it. It's brave to expose yourself and give us a heads up sort a speak of what we could avoid.

I learned to take what resonates and leave what doesn't...its validity will sit differently with another person.


You have all added additional points that have helped as well... possibily start a post for newbies from people who got an ex to even TALK to them again and just add on thing at a time...that way when someone is down they can use it as a quick reference.. just a thought to combine your thinking without contrast?