iinikkii,

I felt the exact same way for the past year. By April, like you, I was sick of trying and trying and trying. I wasn't focused on love, I was working with LoA tools for something career related, and it just wouldn't budge.

For a year, I applied Neville Goddard's teachings and I would see synchronicities or get close and ultimately fail, even when I had such a strong belief. And of course, all the Neville fans would say that I must not have a strong belief or that I didn't feel it real enough or focus on what I wanted enough...which couldn't be farther from the truth.

So I was sick of the constant Neville idolization on the forums (not that I dislike his principle teachings but obviously it wasn't working for me). I tried to analyze it all. I applied his teachings before and they worked, so what gives? And I realized something...his teachings worked best for me when I had to take action, when I was in an overall positive emotional place, and when I had a clear scene to visualize that made me feel good. But then I just couldn't visualize for the life of me and I thought to myself "Why should I? People out there have great lives and they don't do any of these LoA techniques..."

In mid-April, I was so sick of applying these techniques in my life and not getting any closer to my goal...visualizing, scripting, affirming, praying, feeling it real...I felt like I was drowning in this stuff, the same stuff I once could have sworn by. So I just gave up and moved on. Does that mean I gave up on my dreams and moved on to a new one? No. I'm still going after what I want. I gave up on the suffering and constant frustration I had with applying these techniques, of living in the endless loop. For my own peace of mind, I just gave up on conventional LoA wisdom for a while and trusted my own inner voice.

I looked back at the happiest times in my life. What did I do? Who was I? What were my thoughts and feelings like? And I tried to bring back that spirit to me. I didn't try to recreate the past but rather a new state of mind that was closer to the one I had in happier days. And I just listened to my intuition. What does my body need? What does my mind and heart need? What does my spirit need? What would I do if I really loved myself?

All I did was climb up the Emotional Guidance Scale by focusing on what I love to do instead of boring myself to death with constant visualization, affirmation and scripting, and trying so hard to feel it real. If I ever did any of the techniques, it came from a place of doing it to feel good and enjoy myself instead of doing it to get something. I figured if I was really successful, I would feel the joy and amazement of life, and if I can't be successful now at least I can "act as if" I am by doing what I love and really finding the confidence from within. Over time, as I moved up the scale from frustration to optimism, two big manifestations occurred that I thought would never happen. Not only was this amazing to me, but it solidified my belief that we don't need to believe in something for it to come true, contrary to what some LoA practitioners say (but hey, we all can only talk from our subjective reality so maybe things are different in their realities).

I do believe that there something more to this world, something that we do have power over that is not just up to some god in the sky. I have felt it in meditative states - that we are very powerful and also very loved and interconnected with everyone. But there are many paths to the truth as we Hindus say; what works for one person may not be your cup of tea. The way I see it, your work is not to imitate others or give in to their ways of life because we're all different, you have your own path and you'll have to trust your own inner voice to know what's right for you. So just cutting the chord and being free is awesome and if you want to take a break from the forum and LoA in general, I think it could be good. I know it can get very frustrating on here, people mean well but it can come across pushy and domineering at times, and it seems like the advice is contradicting: have a strong belief, visualize everyday, focus on what you want....wait a minute...be sure to let go and move on LOL. I'm not saying these techniques are good or bad, but different things work for different people, and I've noticed for myself that different things work best for different emotional levels. It's easy to forget that what works for me may not work for you, the teachings I like may not be the teachings you like, and just because I believe in something doesn't make it right for other people.

This post became a rambling rant, hasn't it? LOL. iinikki, trust yourself above all. If it feels right to just stop trying and take a break, trust your own heart and intuition. Isn't it more important to be true to yourself instead of following the dogma of others? Isn't that what freedom, joy, self-love, and empowerment are about?

As for this man you want to be with, people will tell you to keep believing, visualizing and feeling it real...others might say to move on and let go. First, I want to say that I don't think dating others is necessary at all for moving on, getting someone back, or working with LoA. If it feels wrong to your heart and gut, then it is. Why put yourself in a situation where you just feel more unhappy? Date others when you feel that it's time to. After all, dating others won't necessarily make you happy or help you forget about him - I had to learn this the hard way. Happiness is truly an inside job (unless you have a lot of money, then you can buy it - haha just kidding). If you feel like dating again is the right thing to do but you feel a fear or some kind of block in the way, work with better-feeling thoughts and healing practices to help you release the fear. Second, moving on is important, but moving on to me doesn't necessarily mean that you have to stop caring about him or stop loving him or date others. It means that you don't use your love for him as an excuse to suffer, you move on from suffering. It seems like the constant frustration of trying to get him back and not seeing anything work is keeping you in pain, so moving on this case would be trying something new for you and not to effort your way back to him (by the way, I think a good thing to explore is why you might feel a need to "effort" you way back to him?). Third, and this relates to my second point, there's nothing wrong with caring about him. The problem is when we care about someone so much that is doesn't make us happy, it reminds us of our shortcomings and failures, and so we feel unhappy. We love them at the expense of taking away our own happiness. That's not how it should be! Love them if you love them, but love yourself too. When you remember how amazing they are, release the feelings of failure and inadequacy you have about yourself (if you have them), remember how amazing you are too. In this way, loving them is no longer a zero-sum game, you can love them and still feel good about you instead of feeling regrets or like a failure. When I focused more on what I love about myself and just started doing more of what I love and reaching for joy, I no longer felt like a failure or had regrets from my past, and that's when a girl I once deeply cared about sent me a text I've wanted for the longest time (although I didn't believe I would get it, didn't even focus on it or expect it or visualize it).

So the big idea I'm saying here is to just trust yourself. Your inner voice is important and has a lot of wisdom too, find the quiet from the chatter and contradictions here and listen to what your intuition says. Also, there's more to LoA and life than doing the same LoA techniques all the time and living in frustration over it. LoA techniques are meant to help us feel better/feel good, if they don't do that for you then do something else that helps you reach a more positive, uplifting emotional state for yourself.



 

Last edited by Colonel Roosevelt (7/02/2016 11:22 pm)

One other thing I wanted to mention: I think the "don't give a ****" advice is incomplete.

At the end of the day, we're still gonna give a ****, not caring about things is a pretty crappy way to live, we want to care about things, we want to love and to be loved.

So to me it's about "stop giving a **** about the **** that makes you feel like ****."

I still care about that specific girl from my past even though I'm open to other girls, I'm not gonna stop giving a **** about her because we had wonderful moments together and I'll always be grateful for that.

But I am going to detach. I'm not gonna detach from my gratitude and attraction to her, why would I? It's part of what makes life beautiful.

I am detaching, or releasing, or moving on from the insecurities and regrets that I once had in the past that made it rough on us.

In other words, I'll stop giving a **** about the **** that makes me feel like ****. It doesn't mean that I stop caring about her or give up on my desire for love and happiness, it means I stop indulging anything that makes me feel so low about love and thus far away from my desire.

Cherished brought up a good point that there's a big difference between being happy and trying so hard to force things to happen to make you happy via LoA techniques. The only reason we work with LoA techniques is to feel better than before. The reason we want our desires are because we think we will be happy if we had them, so wouldn't it make sense to pursue what makes you feel happiness overall?

Lately, I've been asking myself "How would I feel if I had my desire accomplished?" I'd feel joy and confidence and optimism. I wouldn't be trying so hard with these techniques, I'd already be in a state of flow or grace. So I decided to take a gamble and not focus specifically on that thing I wanted but just do anything that helps me climb the emotional guidance scale towards optimism and joy.

I stopped with specific focus because it made me feel like **** lol (whenever I visualized the end result, it was so hard to feel it real because I felt this underlying awareness that it's too good to be true along with memories of past failures and I just couldn't shake it off so I got off the subject).

On the exact day I reached that overall state of feeling thanks to the buildup of positive thoughts and actions, the manifestation I wanted for several months and never thought would come true for me finally happened. So asking myself "How would I feel if I already have what I want?" can be a good way to snap me out of the negative cycle and get me back in the positive momentum.

Also, another way of looking at this is that when we aim for joy, even if it's joy in general, even if it means we stopped with LoA techniques or focusing on the ex, the state of mind and feeling of joy, appreciation, optimism, love, etc. - it's a great state of mind to trust your intuition and just have trust in general that things will work out.

When we feel truly happy and grateful for our life, even if it's fleeting, do you ever have this feeling like everything is just working out for you in ways that are much more magnificent than you imagined? I do, so that's why when I feel doubtful or frustrated, I know getting back to optimism, confidence, love, joy, etc - overall happiness - is a good place to be because having trust and faith and intuition comes naturally when you're in those areas. At least that's what I notice for myself, but like I wrote before - different paths for different people.

Also, in a state of mind of optimism and above, it's a lot easier to apply the techniques and feel a lot better from them. When I felt like I bridged the gap back to optimism again, I started imagining the end result of what I desired and feeling it real again (only if it felt right). And I was much more mindful of it, no more underlying awareness of failure of past pains (better-feeling thoughts of self-appreciation was a big part of the journey to optimism so I think that helped me to release the pain of past failures a lot). So a good thing about being optimistic and joyful in general is that it's easier to work with the techniques in a specific way without the feeling of lack and frustration hounding at you. It's like you're no longer using techniques to be happy, but now your powerful charge of positive energy is being expanded out through techniques, like an electrical cord that powers up the whole house.

And a big thing here is not to beat yourself up if you're sad or having trouble reaching optimism and joy. It's all about soothing yourself and feeling better with each moment. Take the moments of sadness and setbacks as moments of gratitude and mindfulness - now you're more conscious of what's holding you back and you can use better-feeling thoughts or better-feeling actions to soothe you and carry you back up. So sadness and frustration are not mortal sins or your enemies, never punish yourself for feeling sad because it's OK, there's nothing wrong with it at all, like any other emotion they are here to help you navigate with your thoughts and actions. Is optimism feels so far away, then think of it as finding relief in each moment - thinking and acting on what helps you find relief (feels better), which can be putting aside LoA techniques for a time.
 

I think when we are disconnected, we fall back into frustration and confusion. It's so important to not beat yourself up when you feel this way. It's a necessary part of the cycle- and you will actually come to appreciate contrast. I see a lot of people come here with the specific desire to get an ex back- but what most people realise is there's plenty of time for that.. and the fastest way back to your ex is through a crash course in self love and letting go. And no, it's not letting go of your desires. It IS about letting go of need and desperation and frustration. The way we do that is a completely individual thing. For me, what works is a load of bollocks to another. So it's about experimenting with processes and taking bits of advice that you love, and listening to things that resonate with you. And dumping the rest!

It's quite possible that just when you really let go, fully could be when he does come back if that makes sense? And 6 months still isn't that long..maybe it's just the last piece of the puzzle to getting him back, that your focus goes away from trying to get him back? Sorry probably just paraphrasing what others have said above! PS Love Colonel Roosevelt's response too - absolutely spot on, I will re read that many times!

Last edited by Scarlet_Kerouac (7/03/2016 12:06 pm)

So I read this post a few times and honestly I completely understand how you feel.

It's unfair to feel like it's not getting anywhere but then again is it?

So remember the whole thing has no time limit. And the 25 day challenge is closely titled!

In 25 days she says you can get a good response not necessarily your ex and the relationship.

So my take on this starting to be if the point was to be unblocked and the universe allowed us to see and the talk again I won!

But what about if it's not the right timing? There is always the possibility that timing isn't perfect. He would be leaving his new girl to come to you having no time to air out the issues he has with himself.

That is literally the advice that made me feel better. It would be awful if we got back together in 25 DAYS...That is no time to get a FAIR do over you know?

Also though you want him....let's say in the mean time there isn't a better experience to have before committing to the same person with unresolved issues on both sides?

Hang in there and not specifically for him but for the idea that YOU desire love, to give it and receive in return.

The rejection fuels the immediate need for their return.  Oh BOY do I know!!! But I forgot where I heard this but "experience the journey, for someone will need advice on how to have a success story like yours."

Pretty cool statement and it is one I have in my face all say to remind me it's worth it in the end...whether it's my boo or not.

It's rubbish when someone says it to me but I TRUST I'm not going to be alone forever.