You hear it everywhere: You just have to focus on what you want and it will happen in your life. Sounds like a very simple concept, but it took me months to really understand it. And this morning, while I was in the shower, I suddenly understood why so many people don't get it:

When I wanted my ex back, I answered the question "What do you want?" with "I want him back" and went on with focusing on what was (my now reality to that time). I made 4 mistakes here:

1) "I want" implies I don't have it. When people say you should focus on what you want, it doesn't mean that you should focus on your wanting but the actual thing.
2) Wanting him back implies that he isn't here yet. So the actual desire is not to have him back, but to be in a happy fulfilled relationship with him, right? So that is what you must focus upon. Not the wanting, not him coming back but being with him.
3) After I focused on what I wanted in the wrong way, I went back to focusing on what I didn't want. I thought about what went wrong in the past, I thought about our last conversations that wasn't satisfying at all, I feared him coming home every day and so on.
4) I felt bad.

I'm really not stupid. I have a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science and working on by Bachelor of Science in Psychology. So why didn't I just get it? Why didn't I even notice that my focus was on the wrong things most of the time? How could I think that a few minutes of visualisation a day could compensate all my thoughts and feelings that didn't support my reality? And I'm far not the only one. When I read through the forum, I feel that most of you don't get it. Like I said, I don't think I'm stupid and I also don't think you all are stupid. I guess it's just a matter of vibration. Your vibration has to be high enough to really get this concept (what means that this post is in vain ;D). I try  to make it clear, anyway.

Let's look at the posts in this forum. What do you read the most?

* Posts of new members. First thing they do after they have signed up is telling us their old story. They go through all the pain again just to....to actually do what? Yeah, most of the new members are also new to LoA, so it's understandable that they want to tell their story, so that they get feedback about their specific situation. They want to know if it is really possible to get their ex back. That's okay, but it would be more beneficial to never ever again repeat all this crap that makes you feel bad and reinforces the reality that is already there.

*Post like "His birthday is coming up/I see him next week/My friends say I should forget him. What should I do?". Yes, from a non-LoA perspective this questions are understandable as well but we are a LoA community, so we should try to apply it. Of course, if you have to meet him (at work for example), you have to think about how to react, BUT sit down for a few minutes and really think it through, find a solution and then drop it completely! You don't want to focus on the current reality, because it's not what you want. Try to avoid all thoughts that have to do with your current reality.

*The "I texted him but _____________ . I'm so depressed now". Same thing..LoA is not about concentrating what happens right now in your outside world. LoA is about what happens right now in your inside world.

*The hopeful "My ex will be back soon" posts. Better than the previous kinds of posts, but still focused on what is now. He is still your ex. He still has to come back. You are sending out a "he will come back in the future" vibration and that's what you get. But you only have the now, so you will never experience your future relationship.

I think you got the point I want to make here. Be very careful with what you post in this forum. Watch your words carefully and don't be lazy and let thoughts flow through your mind that are the opposite of what you want.
Abraham speaks about the two ends of the stick. On one end is the presence of your desire and on the other one the absence. Every thought you think is on one end of the stick.

"Why isn't he back yet?" -> Wrong end of the stick
"He has blocked me." -> Wrong end of the stick
"We are on friendly terms." -> Wrong end of the stick
"He says he doesn't love me anymore" -> Wrong end of the stick
"I miss him." -> Wrong end of the stick
[...]

"His love feels so wonderful." -> Right end of the stick
"Being in a relationsip with him is great." -> Right end of the stick
"I love when he ___________" -> Right end of the stick
"I remember this wonderful day with him when ______" -> Right end of the stick
"I love lying in his arm." -> Right end of the stick
"It would be so fun to go to ____ with him." -> Right end of the stick
[...]

In general, everytime you feel the lack of him you shoot yourself in the foot. You can feel that because it feels bad. When your focus is on the correct end of the stick you feel wonderful. And that's the most important point: FEEL it. You really have to feel it as intense as possible. Go deep into the feelings of love, joy, gratitude, excitement, pleasant anticipation, appreciation..The feeling is what manifests. If you aren't able to feel the emotions, you have to raise your vibration until it is easy for you to feel it.

Many people have problems with focusing on their wanted reality, because they feel that they are faking it. Something that helped me to get over this was the idea of the vortex. The moment you have a desire, this desire exists as a vibrational frequency. You can't perceive it with your senses yet, but when you are vibrationally close enough, you can feel it. This vibrational reality is as real as the vibrational reality you can perceive with your senses. You practiced the vibration of your now reality, that's the whole reason you can perceive it. Now you have to practice the vibration of your desired reality for a while, so that you can perceive it eventually. You aren't faking anything. The reality already exists! You just have to tune into it and you do that by thinking the thoughts and feeling the feelings you would feel, if you would already perceive it with your physical senses.

One last thing: You don't really want your ex, do you? What do you want to do with him? Using him as coatreck? Stuffing him and putting him into your living room? Placing him into an showcase? I guess that's not what you want. You want the relationship with him. So focus on the kind of relationship you want and all the wonderful things you want to do with your love. You can use memories as well, if you can manage to not feel any lack if you think about the past. And I can't stress this enough: Really feel it. And when you have felt it for a while without too much contradicting thoughts and feelings, it will become your experience.