Keep up! You can do it.

Severis94 wrote:

Keep up! You can do it.

Thank you very much for your support  

You know it actually shook me a little, not in my faith of it being possible but in my desire to want him or not.

A big part of me wants to manifest him to show myself that I can, the other part of me thinks he's a creep and I might be dodging a bullet. 

I don't know if the latter is intuition or just me actively giving myself reason to stop trying (he was just such a different person when we first met and now he's the complete opposite I'm so confused because I don't know which one is the real one...).

So yeah, this is where I am right now.

Sanshi wrote:

Inloveandsohappytogether wrote:

Severis94 wrote:

Keep up! You can do it.

Thank you very much for your support  

You know it actually shook me a little, not in my faith of it being possible but in my desire to want him or not.

A big part of me wants to manifest him to show myself that I can, the other part of me thinks he's a creep and I might be dodging a bullet. 

I don't know if the latter is intuition or just me actively giving myself reason to stop trying (he was just such a different person when we first met and now he's the complete opposite I'm so confused because I don't know which one is the real one...).

So yeah, this is where I am right now.

The real one is the one you focus upon. Let me tell you a story. My ex was the nicest guy you can imagine, really. When we broke up we lived together (we still do) and my feelings for him became more negative but I still believed that he would be there for me when I needed him and he sometimes ask me if he should bring something for me from the grocery store or something like this. After a while I decided that I don't want him anymore and I became more angry and focused on his bad qualities. Guess what? He doesn't care about anything now. The ambulance brought me to the hospital in the middle of the night, I was in hospital for 3 days, I crept through the appartment like I was in my late eighties - he didn't even notice! So which of this guys is the real one? We were together for nearly 3 years. I don't think you can fake being a nice guy for 3 years but his behaviour now feels very real as well. It's all about your focus. Awaken the best in him.

Thank you very much for sharing your experience Sanshi, a lot of wisdom in there to assimilate.

I am just not sure he's worth the hassle - I was great to him the whole time we've known each other and he just doesn't really have much going for him. He hasn't done anything to me per say but I watch him and how he handles things - I am not saying he's a bad guy I'm saying he has a lot of demons and it's a lot work for me now to pretend they're not there.

And part of me is tired of trying so hard with people who just might not deserve it. I have people who love me in my life regardless without me having to do anything. And I love them uncondotionally too - and it's mutual, it's solid - tangible and I can rely on it.

And if this is who he is when i lose track of my alignment and see the worse in him then I'm not sure I could handle it because some worse sides are still better than others. 

As I said part of me still wants to manifest him just to see what's possible - but then sending him love and all of that becomes very difficult because I don't think he deserves to be loved the way I would love him. I actually think I'm a better human than him ( no chip on my shoulder just the evidence of who I have been in this 'relationship' for lack of better words versus him..)

I believe he's still a good guy in essence ( like most people I suppose) - just that his dark side is really really dark and my light hasn"t been able to bring out the light in him. I think he should have jumped at the opportunity to be with me and he chose not to, I don't understand why I want to be with him at all - I don't understand why he's on my mind so much and why he matters so much because really if anyone should be the one working this hard to get the other - it's him - not the other way around.

Does it make sense? 
 

Last edited by Inloveandsohappytogether (6/26/2016 3:54 am)

Sanshi wrote:

You don't have to pretend that the bad qualities aren't there. But when you don't like them, why focusing on it? What you do love about that guy? Focus only on that. It's strange how our brains are trained to focus only on the negative. I think that's the very reason of nearly every failed relationship.

When you feel like you have to work hard to get him back you do something wrong. I had the same problem. You are trying too hard. Work on raising your vibration and everything will get easier. What feels like a lot of work now becomes fun with a higher vibration.

I absolutely understand what you're saying and you're quite right . I edited my post while you were replying but I think the essence of my confusion is that I don't know why I want to be with him so much and I'm so willing to do all this. 

In our history I have been a source of support, care, love and a comfort for him - no exceptions . He has effed up many times but I have been there. And here I am wanting to be with this guy still to see where we could go because I deeply believe he and I would be amazing together and the best of us would thrive together.

But, I seem to be the only one who sees that and I'm energetically, emotionally trying so hard for him to see it. I don't know why. My track record is there with all the evidence of the good influence I have on his life, he should be running after me - but he's not doing that ..I am the one doing the running ... I don't know why, it makes absolutely no sense.

A healthy person wouldn't want to keep someone in their life that doesn't appreciate them so why am i so adamant to be with him - it really is like a wake up call because he should be the one to run after me - seriously; I am the best thing that could happen to him (again not coming from ego it's just what I feel in my gut) - actually I HAVE been the best thing that has happened to him because I saved his life - if it weren't for me he wouldn't be where he is now : literally!!!

This whole situation is so upside down that I wonder if this isn't some form of karmic imbalance that's evening out like maybe in a previous life I was him and he was me? 

Last edited by Inloveandsohappytogether (6/26/2016 4:05 am)

You know what else doesn't help in letting him go : the signs!!! OH MY GOD the signs!! his name, his car, things I associate to him everywhere ESPECIALLY when I'm about to walk away (which my natural tendency).

Now am I manifesting these signs because i subconsciously want to keep at it or is this the Universe going we're almost there just hold on ...Or am I just aligned to his name, his car and all the other stuff : I have no idea but i'm at the point where i'm like : leave me alone! I am only here because I followed the trail which led me to this nonsense : it's a trap because this right here is not the fairy tale we were planning on - now I know circumstances don't matter, only your state of being matters and I m not saying any of this from a lower vibration it's actually because I love and care for myself, I feel deserving of so much better than I usually settle for.

As much as I have been thinking about these not so nice things that are manifesting now for a while so they're old - the really nice things I have been thinking about for a while still haven't shown up.

So i have more not so nice things than nice things to focus upon and unfortunately it's been so long since I have seen him be his positive self that it almost feels like I may have dreamt it ...