Some people are on here to attract a person they've never been with, these people have an advantage of not having to restore any balance with this person as after a break up, what generally happens is one person has the power and the other person loses their power and end up becoming desperate or low or sad or depressed. This is hard because when we go into these states, our vibration is 'I'm not good enough for you, but I want you' this creates an unequal balance as the other person feels that they can do better and feel like they are somehow superior over the person they left because the person they left is trying to get them back so much. We don't go for people who want us badly, we go for people we want badly. We go for people we see value in. It's hard to restore the balance especially if we have already made all the mistakes of begging, pleading, being desperate....but one way to do it is to shift mindsets. To rewrite the story as if we had left and not the other person. To see all the other person's flaws and to think about the times we felt we could do better. To see our efforts as signs of our value as a partner, that we are loyal, ride or die. To see our mistakes as acts of love, that we can love so hard and that in itself is a gift and the other person maybe can't love as hard and that in itself is a flaw. When we start to think about things a little differently, our perspective changes from 'I need that person back' to 'I'd like that person back' to 'the person would like me back'. When we get to the final stage, that's when we can feel empowered to stop the struggle, stop the desperate and stop our pain. We can then start to breathe again and start to find our path to our own happiness. We start to become attractive to other people, they can sense our vibe and they see us for what we really are....hopeless romantics, loyal partners, people who aren't afraid to love, innocent and not broken or turned sour despite our heart break. Then, the person who we want, starts to see that too. They start to understand our actions as coming from good places, they start to realise how much we made them important and that we weren't selfish, desperate people, we were just heart broken. It's so much more attractive to know you have been chosen by someone to love and not just taken by someone to get love from because they think they can't do better and they think you're the only one who could ever love them so therefore, you're their only source of love. That's an energy drain, that's repulsive and at best, pitiable. When we start to shift our perspective on ourselves, we ignite the switch in other people. A 'needy' person turns into a devoted person, a 'desperate' person turns into a person who knows what they want and aren't afraid to go after it, an 'angry' person turns into a hurt person. When we start to find the positives and love in our actions, we can start to feel better about ourselves which is the key and then the person we want sees how we treat ourselves with compassion and love and they start to do the same. When someone says 'I hate myself' we immediately feel an energy drain or even if they think it but if someone says 'I'm in pain' we feel more compassion. It's actually ok to be hurt and to be sad, it's ok to feel betrayed and abandoned. It's ok to forgive ourselves before we forgive others. I did so many things that were wrong after my break up but then as I started to forgive myself, my person did too, he went from hating me to feeling so thankful to me. He went from seeing me as 'needy' to seeing me as someone who was always there for him. So try this and then start to slowly see the difference in your behaviour towards your person and subsequently, their behaviour back to you. It's amazing how we feed off each other's energy, it can be so subtle. One loving and vulnerable world can melt away a million words said in anger. One honest and vulnerable conversation or action or message can turn someone from hating you or seeing you in disgust, to admiring you and understanding where you come from and respecting you. To change someone's opinion of you, you first have to change your opinion of yourself. You need to do it honestly, so that if your person reacts negatively to you, you can let it slide off your shoulders with the compassion that they don't know the new you, they only know the old you and you don't need to get upset with them or angry or tell them you've changed, you just have to show them you've changed. The worst thing to do is to get defensive or angry if they claim you're the same person, or you're the negative version of yourself, the best thing to do is to literally be the most zen and calm and greet them with compassion and maturity. Very few people can actually change their own self beliefs, but the few who do really do change their own lives and I've only recently learnt that to be true. So try it