1 - Love is Real
- Helper
Offline - Registered: 3/17/2016
- Posts: 48
About that "or something better" clause...
I hear and read about it all the time. i can ask to get my ex back but I have to be detached from that specific outcome and realize that the Universe might have something better in mind for me.
But I need to say something about this and I"m guessing some of you can relate. I would like to make my point with an allegory.
let's say your dog got lost. you put up signs everywhere. your friends are out looking for your dog. you are so sad. it was a great dog and he always sat by your side. Then, someone comes by and says, "we can't find your dog, but here is another dog. It's actually a better dog. He listens better than your other dog, he never pees on the floor, doesn't bark, he even does tricks. He's more compatible with you."
Most people would say, I don't care if this dog is the best dog in the world. I want my dog who pees on the floor and barks too much and doesn't do any tricks.
Why? Because we have a personal bond with that dog. We have lived with that dog for years. We have a history. We care about that dog. You can't just replace that dog with another one. the bond you share is more important than compatibility or how good the dog is.
Obviously the point I"m making is, replace "dog" with "ex-lover" and it all is true.
I know we weren't perfect for each other in the sense that we are not exactly the same. and I know I could find someone else who is more like me. But who says that relationships are supposed to be about finding someone just like you? I personally think that being different is cool, as long as there are some core things you share. You can learn and grow from differences. And the bond we have developed over decades is not something I can just walk away from and take some other person instead. I think about her every day, just like anyone would if their dog was lost. I'm not concerned with finding another dog.
So is it so horrible to actually want my ex and even prefer that over "something better?"
- Cherished
- Royalty
Offline
- From: Australia
- Registered: 6/26/2015
- Posts: 3,226
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
No, it's not horrible. In my opinion, I think "this or something better" can actually be applied to the same person. As in"yes, I want him.. and I want it to be much better than it was before. Deeper, more loving....." Does that feel less resistant to you. The point is, you can live an incredible life without all the crap. And it's actually a bit of a worry if you're saying no to incredible, but give me back all the crappy stuff I had before! It AGAIN comes down to self love. When I began my journey deliberately, I almost had a heart attack trying to add that clause. I was adamant that no, I wanted my guy, wth all his crap back! But as I grew spiritually, I released so much self doubt, and became stronger and more loving towards myself. Interestingly, after really raising my vibe and finding that deep connection within myself, I was able to revisit that clause. And j could stand there and say "ok, now I want my guy, or someone WAAAAAY better!!" That energy attracted my guy back of course, plus a bunch of other fabulous suitors from which I could choose. If I can give any advice, it's to NOT limit yourself. Purely for the reason that there is SO MUCH RESISTANCE in "I just want him!"...... So you're probably blocking your own manifestation. If you could let that pressure/control go, the guy you want will come back.
If you imagine it in your mind..
Believe it in your heart..
Feel it in your soul..
You will hold it in your hand 💞
- es4life
- Contributor
Offline
- Registered: 4/10/2016
- Posts: 52
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
I totally feel you.
It's been so long and it's always made me cringe every time I thought about it. I'm thankful for all the advice that I've been given but I just can't do it, I want him, not someone better, there's always someone better out there but I don't want that. I don't need a guy to fill that void I want to be with this guy because I love him. I was sad confused I cried and finally I'm starting to make peace with it, for as long as I feel this way, I want this guy and this guy only, 'him or someone better' just makes me feel like I'm telling myself a lie, this is coming from someone who's tried dating other guys and decided to stop because it didn't serve me at all.
Eventually I just decided that I'm going to work on my own limiting beliefs about him and relationships and live my life. I believe that things will change for the better.
Not sure if what I said makes sense but I wanted you to know you are not the only one and we are in this together.
- Allgood
- Superhero
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- From: Kilkenny, Ireland
- Registered: 11/07/2015
- Posts: 228
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
Lol cool both of you posted at the same time!!!
Cherished nailed it once again.!!! Excellent query and outstanding reply .
Love to you all
- TheGiver
- Warrior
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- Registered: 1/02/2016
- Posts: 297
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
I don't think the dog analogy works right here. There isn't a give and take with dogs that you have with humans. See Cherished's response for the best way to view this situation!
- Cherished
- Royalty
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- From: Australia
- Registered: 6/26/2015
- Posts: 3,226
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
TheGiver wrote:
I don't think the dog analogy works right here. There isn't a give and take with dogs that you have with humans. See Cherished's response for the best way to view this situation!
Dogs are incredible.. If you want to learn to love unconditionally, love like a dog!
Last edited by Cherished (4/13/2016 5:30 pm)
If you imagine it in your mind..
Believe it in your heart..
Feel it in your soul..
You will hold it in your hand 💞
- es4life
- Contributor
Offline
- Registered: 4/10/2016
- Posts: 52
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
@cherished
I loved your post, I have a questions for you though, I was at a point where I wanted him even with the crap, but gradually I started to be more positive and now I tell myself I want him along with all the good stuff, I'm not sure what it means, am I on the right track?
Thanks
- Colonel Roosevelt
- Expert
Offline
- Registered: 1/30/2016
- Posts: 530
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
I don't think the dog analogy works right here. There isn't a give and take with dogs that you have with humans. See Cherished's response for the best way to view this situation!
Dogs are incredible.. If you want to learn to love unconditionally, love like a dog!
- TheGiver
- Warrior
Offline
- Registered: 1/02/2016
- Posts: 297
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
I don't think the dog analogy works right here. There isn't a give and take with dogs that you have with humans. See Cherished's response for the best way to view this situation!
Dogs are incredible.. If you want to learn to love unconditionally, love like a dog!
Lol, I just meant the "attract back a specific person" situation as characterized by "this or better" can't exactly be equated perfectly to dogs!
- Love is Real
- Helper
Offline
- Registered: 3/17/2016
- Posts: 48
Re: About that "or something better" clause...
No, it's not horrible. In my opinion, I think "this or something better" can actually be applied to the same person. As in"yes, I want him.. and I want it to be much better than it was before. Deeper, more loving....." Does that feel less resistant to you. The point is, you can live an incredible life without all the crap. And it's actually a bit of a worry if you're saying no to incredible, but give me back all the crappy stuff I had before! It AGAIN comes down to self love. When I began my journey deliberately, I almost had a heart attack trying to add that clause. I was adamant that no, I wanted my guy, wth all his crap back! But as I grew spiritually, I released so much self doubt, and became stronger and more loving towards myself. Interestingly, after really raising my vibe and finding that deep connection within myself, I was able to revisit that clause. And j could stand there and say "ok, now I want my guy, or someone WAAAAAY better!!" That energy attracted my guy back of course, plus a bunch of other fabulous suitors from which I could choose. If I can give any advice, it's to NOT limit yourself. Purely for the reason that there is SO MUCH RESISTANCE in "I just want him!"...... So you're probably blocking your own manifestation. If you could let that pressure/control go, the guy you want will come back.
thanks for that! I think what helps me is thinking that I 'strongly prefer' her. If I *need* her and nothing else will do, I know that isn't right. and yes I 've worked on myself a lot through this and I'm a different person and it is going to be WAY better when we are back together. I believe that's why it is happening.
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Thread StarterVeronica Isles LOA coach veronicaislescoaching.com