es4life wrote:

Hello all,

I've been lurking around for a while and finally decided to register cause everyone here is so positive and supportive of each other and i love it

Long story short...I am trying to attract a specific person. We've known each other and have been dating on and off for more than a year. At first everything was going fine and after a few months he said he really liked me and would always want me in his life but he wanted to take it slow cause hes had bad experiences in the past and eventually he'd be able to trust me. It made me really sad at first but I thought i really just like this guy and I honestly don't want him out of my life. So i went against all conventional dating advice and whatnot and kept seeing him once in a while. He is really busy and stressed because of his work and I do not want to stop him from what he loves to do.  What bothers me is that when we get together, everything is so perfect but when we are not, we don't talk at all. 

For a few months after that, I kind of forced myself to give up the hope for a relationship with him and did my own thing, it was during that time that he was getting closer and closer to me and even said he loves me when drunk once...Then he wanted to spend the holidays with me and we did. We spent a great time together and after that everything was back to how it was and he got busier than ever it just seems like a never ending cycle for me now.

I know many people would give me the typical him or someone better talk but i've dated other guys during this time and it went no where and if i am to be honest with myself, I really just love this guy and I truly believe there's something special here and I do not want to give it up. I do just fine on my own, so for me its, if not him, then ill be fine alone.

If you are reading this line, I really want to say thank you for reading this super long post I am really frustrated now and don't know what to do...would really appreciate if you guys especially the ones who did it successfully could give me some guidance. Thanks

 

I am not the best one to advise you, but I do feel that the reason he is so loving to you while you are together & detached while you are apart, is because that is the story that you keep telling yourself, so that is the script he is following. If you say he is away, he stays away, when you say he is loving and close he is that as well. I think Cherished can explain that best to you, if she sees this. And notice that when you stepped back and stopped giving him all your attention he came running back for you...it is because you let go, so you allowed momentum to speed up and bring you what you want. Anyway, just wanted to offer you that & extend a warm welcome & hello!!!!

@lar019 thanks for taking the time to read and reply

I tried to tell myself a different story every time I got upset about it and stopped once I got frustrated and just forced myself to mind my own business. He came back every time but the story did not change much. So now I know I really do need to change my belief and start telling a different story. I am just trying to figure out the best way to do it.

A few months ago I was at a very bad place and I'd cry all the time when I thought about him at all. However something strange happened and now I can't bring myself to cry about this anymore even if I try. It's not like I don't want him anymore, in fact I am more sure than ever I want this guy. I am really not sure what changed here.

lar019 wrote:

Remember that a belief is simply a thought that you have repeated and focused on over and over - so you need to be telling the story that you want in your mind over and over. It doesn't need to feel like a forced affirmation, where you have to say it with full conviction - play with it! In the beginning, I allowed myself to just think of it as a fantasy, and when negative thoughts entered my mind, I would say "no, this is my fantasy, and bad things don't happen in my fantasy". It was the fact that I repeated this visualization, and fantasy that would move me closer and closer to belief.

Have you read about Abraham-Hick's emotional guidance scale? While feeling frustrated is still a negative emotion, it's higher up than other emotions - so perhaps you were actually making progress and threw in the towel too soon?

The other thing that comes to mind, is when he does come back - what are you focused on? When you aren't physically with him, do you wonder what he's doing, wishing he would call you? Or are you out and about living your life, feeling full and happy? You need to be consistent in telling the story of what you want; not just when you're feeling crappy and want to feel better, but all the time. So when things are good, and you're talking, say to yourself, "yes, this is exactly what I want - this is perfect" and keep thinking about more and more conversations with him happening.

You need to ignore current reality. So he's not talking to you right this minute, or you haven't seen him in a while - I tell myself my guy has gone off, travelling the world again, and as a supportive gf, I'm totally cool with it. He just doesn't have cell service where he is; but he's totally thinking about me!

You've attracted him back before, so with a bit more focus, you can definitely attract him back to stay - because you won't be even thinking of the possibility that he may leave again. Why would he - this time he's going to come back to an even more awesome you!

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer

Yes I just read hicks' book ask and it is given last week and it made perfect sense to me. And you really gave me something to think about with the few questions you mentioned. Actually every time we spent time together, although it's always really loving and we got closer every time and I was enjoying it a lot, there was always always a little voice in the back of my head that said I'm gonna be so low when he's gone now that we are even closer. And surprise surprise, it's exactly what's been happening. And honestly a lot of the time when I'm not with him physically I feel kinda crappy indeed, I'd be thinking about why he's not talking to me what he's been up to and so on and it gets screwy real quick from there. I'm really good at not reaching out...but I do need to make myself happy when he's not around.

Also, i never really asked for signs but I got so many crazy signs related to him. Once I was talking to a friend and out of the blue he said you are gonna get married to a guy named Eddie one day. And it freaked me out cause that is my guys name and they don't know each other at all. Then a few months later I just got of the phone with my guy I opened a random webpage at the end there was a name Eddie Given, I was like what...? I really wanna believe those were not mere coincidences and this truly is the guy for me.