Julie wrote:

First of all I would like to apologize for the delay. I had a tough time at school + I'm a procrastinator, so yeah, I'm sorry. Some time ago I told you that my love texted me after 6 months of no contact saying he is sorry for being an idiot, that he hopes everything goes fine in my life and he suspects that everytime I think of him I feel hate and sadness. I would like to share with you some more about this situation, as it may inspire you and encourage for further action.

The circumstances

It happened when I was on holiday on Malta. My mind was busy then - trips, beautiful weather and people. I didn't forget about my desire, but I was thinking about it less. The day before I received the message I saw his birth date in 4 places and saw his favourife book in a souvenir shop, which was located exactly next to my hotel. When I received it I went all shakey, I didn't know what to do or say - what if he's making fun of me? What if he's not sincere? I was trying really hard not to go crazy or say something I would regret later on. He said something like : "I don't know where to start, I doubt you would like to talk to me after everything that I did". I replied that I was on holiday then, so I would text him as soon as I come back. And I did. We talked as if nothing had happened. Like old, good mates. He said he quitted smoking (yeah, he's 17 and smokes cigarettes and weed) and that he is working really hard on his grades now. When I heard it I was over the moon! Seriously, I have been trying so hard to make him study more and quit his smoking habit, but it didn't work out, and now he managed alone! Yaaas! I hoped he would message me one more time, because that conversation made so happy... But there's no contact till now.

What did I do to attract this?

To be honest, nothing particular. I have to say that it took me 2 months to receive this message, and it passed so fastly that I felt as if it was a week. I didn't do the scripting, because I HATE writing. I did some meditating sessions, but eventually I stopped. In January I've been sending myself a message that I would like to receive from him, but I resigned after a week or two. BUT I went crazy with visualization - I did it on my way to school, in classroom, on my way back home, on the subway, before the sleep. It became a routine that I started to love. I still do. I started working out and stretching, I ate better food.  You know, sometimes I even had to remind myself that he is not yet my boyfriend, I felt it SO REAL. I've started acting as if, for instance I went shopping to buy some nice lingerie (I didn't do it since the breakup), I started to care about my appearance more, I started leaving some space for him in my bed and talked as if he was next to me and imagined he was hugging me... If someone would see me, he would think I have schizophrenia! I lived totally in my own, imagined, perfect world.
Also I'm trying to be kind to people - I collect the leaflets and smile to strangers. But I don't let people disrespect me or insult me. I'm not this kind of person that would nod, smile and ignore it. I am the most important person for me, not my love, not others, but ME. I don't consider myself selfish nor selfless. I know my value, my goals and nobody wil convince I am worthless or that my goals are pointless, because are "impossible" (nah, I don't have this word in my dictionary lol). I am really grateful for my group of friends which supports me with the goal of getting back to my love - even though he hurt me, they say that if the relationship would make me happy, then that's what I should do. None of them says that I shouldn't do it because he won't change or it will never be the same again or that he will hrt me sooner or later. I only get 'follow your dreams, we will respect and support decisions that will make you happy' kind of advice. Thank you Universe for them!

What else happened?

My squad got reunited. There were some conflicts there, but now it's great. We are currently planning our summer holidays together.
On Monday I will start pole dancing classes with my new friend (please don't consider this dance as a prostitute dance, prostitues can't even dance properly). I always wanted to give it a try and now I have the chance and possibility to do it!
Recetly I saw a lot of signs. He's got very characteristic surname which means literally 'cricket' - this green little animal lol. And while reading a book for school (Haruki Murakami's book - his favourite author btw) there was a charcter with such nickname. And few days later I found an article in which crickets were mentioned. It gave me a huge hope he will appear in my life soon.
And here is the sad part. Yesterday was my birthday. Every year, my friends have been organising some kind of surprise party for me. 2 years ago 7 friends came ( including my love who wasn't even my love then lol ). A year ago 4 friends came (the closest ones, but without my boyfriend, he never got along with my closest friends, so we celebrated my birthday on the other day). And yesterday only one person came - it was my bff. I hoped that, no sorry, I KNEW my love would text me but... he didn't. I cried for hours on end. I was devastated at the end of the day. It resulted in terrible migraine, which didn't allow me to go to school and function normally. I woke up at 5pm, ate something and started writing this note (that got deleted when I was finishing it and I do it for the second time today). I would appreciate some suggestions and kind words from you all, cause I'm feeling really down at the moment. I know that I caused the lack of message from him, but now it doesn't matter. I just want to regain hope, because yesterday's situation totally dragged me down.

Hope you enjoyed reading and that I didn't make many mistakes lol 😊

There is a difference between faith an hope. When you hope for something, apart of you is still worrying it won't happen. When you have faith that means you have total belief it will happen.

Do not worry though, have you read Lanie Stevens books? I found that they have amazing progress with my darling. We are currently back in no contact. But I powered the success I had with him still using her technique. It's both funny and amazing.

It seems like you regained your 'power' and your independence, but when it came to your birthday, you lost it all again and put too much weight on receiving this text from him (which in the grand scheme of things is very miniscule).

You need to get back to that place of loving yourself, and living for yourself, and the rest will fall into place as you've seen before.