Milk&Honey wrote:

Hello everyone! I really really need your help. I want to have a new life, a new me, to make my dreams and desires real. But there is something that holds me back. I feel so much hurt. I have a huge, terrible pain in me.
Because he is not here.
Because he doesn't care for me at all, not even as a friend.
Because he is far away, living his happy life.
Because he is in a long lasting relationship with someone else.
Because he does so many things for her.
Because he tells everyone how much he loves her.
Because they do so many stuff together.
Because he completely ignores me.
Because he always underestimates me and misunerstands me.
Because he doesn't know me well and he believes terrible things about me.

Now, even if one day he comes to me and wants to be with me, I won't be able to forget all these things, the lonely moments I had, my tears, my pain. How could I do this? Maybe it's selfish, but I can't. It is not easy. Even if he comes, I believe that I will never forget these moments when I was crying and having so much pain while he was having the greatest moments in his life with soneone else. And what if he compares our moments to theirs? What if these moments stay in his heart and mind forever ? I know that maybe it sounds selfish, but I want to be important to him and to be his great love. Can I have it after all these? He has given so many things to the other person. Maybe he loves her. Is it shelfish that I want to have and be his love?

I really need to get over this. What should I do?

First and foremost, CHANGE. YOUR. STORY. It's the simple. The story you're writing for yourself clearly isn't favorable to you. You say you want a new life though, which is a good start. Keep reminder yourself that you control your story and you are in the midst of writing a new one.

The big issue I see here is that you're stubbornly holding onto your victim mentality and that you will forever hold onto this pain and never forgive your lover. Why? You are going to become a new person. Do you want the world to continue judging you for your past actions, or do you want them to view you as your new awesome self? If it's the latter, then why would you continue to hold onto all that **** and use it against him? LET IT GO. Not for him, but for YOU. He still has power over you. If he didn't you wouldn't care about all this stuff. This is your life. YOU have control over your happiness.

Let me also tell you something: YOU CREATE THE WAY OTHERS TREAT YOU. Every single time. I know it's hard to believe this at first, but when you think about it you know it's true. So guess what? When you have this expectation for him, he has no choice but to abide by it. Change the expectation and you'll get a completely different version of this guy out of him.

Now let's address some specific questions of yours:

"Is it shelfish that I want to have and be his love? " No, but it's desperate neediness that lowers your vibration. Again, you're making your focus all about him. YOU shouldn't NEED his love. YOU should WANT to LOVE him. Only then will this happen.

"Now, even if one day he comes to me and wants to be with me, I won't be able to forget all these things, the lonely moments I had, my tears, my pain. How could I do this?" Because you're still clinging to the past and clinging to the negative.

"Even if he comes, I believe that I will never forget these moments when I was crying and having so much pain while he was having the greatest moments in his life with soneone else. " If you believe it, then that's how it's going to be. If you believe something different, that's how it's going to be. If you believe he can change and treat you right and you can throw the past away, then THAT will HAPPEN.


"And what if he compares our moments to theirs? What if these moments stay in his heart and mind forever ?" Yeah and what if HE COMPARES ALL YOUR MOMENTS TO HERS. What if he goes, damn Milk&Honey is 1,000 times better than this other chick--what the hell was I thinking?! Wouldn't that be awesome if he feels that way? I can tell you he won't feel that way if you keep giving off your current vibration. 

"Can I have it after all these? He has given so many things to the other person. Maybe he loves her." You should be rejoicing. This means he is capable of giving all these things. If he can give it to this other person, then that means HE CAN GIVE IT TO YOU!!! Just stop focusing on this other girl, stop focusing on the pain, and you will pull him back like a magnet.

I know this can be the most difficult thing in the world--we've all been there--but it IS possible. Also, I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I want this to resonate with you. Something that will help is realizing that you created all of this, which means you are also capable of creating something even better. Doesn't that sound incredible? You can free yourself from EVER feeling this way again. But what you must do is disconnect from your past. It's dead and gone. The old you and the old him are done, and while you're viewing that as a sad thing, you can change that and view that as a GREAT thing. Now is your opportunity to make your relationship even BETTER than it was before.

Let me repeat it one more time: THE PAST IS DONE, GONE, KABLOOEY!!!! Focus on a new future and don't let yourself hold onto all of this pain. Remember, no event that happens in life is inherently good or bad, we just paint it that way. The pain and the tears are all on you. I know it hurts to hear this, but once you accept that you can not only stop them but acquit your man of having caused them.

You should also change your affirmations:

"I have a huge, amazing love in me.
Because he is here.
Because he cares about me so much.
Because he is living his happy life right here with me.
Because he is in a long lasting relationship with me.
Because he does so many things for me.
Because he tells everyone how much he loves me.
Because we do so many stuff together.
Because he showers me with affection.
Because he always click and connect and just "get" each other.
Because he knows me like the back of his hand and always sees the good in me."


See how different and better-feeling those statements are? Ignore the current reality, create the new one. Write a NEW STORY.


 

Hello,

thank you, EVERYONE, for your answers. You really hepled me a lot. I just want to clarify that he is not my ex. He is just a specific person and I always felt something for him, since I was a baby. I don't know why.

Yes, I am sure. But now I see that I have to rewrite my story and stop seeing myself as a victim. Reading your posts (that I have created all these) gives me relief. I know that something existed deep inside me and when everything happened I said "I knew it would happen". During my life, I see him with someone else. Before his current relationship I was so afraid that it would happen. Literally, I was "searching" for this relationship, always worried. And the moment I asked a friend of his about a girl I thought that something was going on, his friend told me no, because he is with someone, already. 
I know that everything you say is true. I need to forget about all these things and get over my jealousy. These last 4 years were really terrible for me, with this huge pain in my heart.

Last edited by Milk&Honey (2/17/2016 3:37 pm)

I can't wait to hear your success story