Cherished wrote:

You have to begin to understand that words are POWERFUL! So whether you use them to explore negative or positive, momentum will absolutely increase as you keep writing. Something I find extremely helpful is not to write about my current frustration or pain, but to reach for peace instead. Script about what I DO want, and WHY I want it. That automatically releases my negativity in the moment, and resets my momentum on a positive track instead. Why don't you try to explore with us what you DO want to happen? And then tell us the feelings that wil invoke for you?!

See that's always my problem: memories and the past are important to me. I journal every day, because I'm really into preserving the past (hence the subject of my book). But I do recognize that it can sometimes consume me and hold me back from moving on. That's why LOA can be difficult for me. Luckily I have a pretty good grasp on the written word, so I know how to imagine and script and create. But how do I manage to still journal and preserve my life (by writing what's actually happening--the good and the bad) while also visualizing and creating a new reality that isn't here yet? I want to still document my pain, not focus on it, but preserve it for posterity sake. Maybe that's weird, I don't know. Can't I have both--the preserving of my life (pain included), but also focusing on a not-yet-existent reality filled with peace and joy and happiness.

I'm going to get my guy back. I know he has a 90's-flavored beer actually. Right when I'm nearing the end he's going to text me and one of the first questions he's going to ask is "How's your writing going?". He's going to take me out, and to make up for missing my birthday he's going to bring two bottles of his 90's beer. Then we're going to drink them together and talk like we used to do.

To chart my progress, to learn from it, to channel it into something positive (like writing), to use it help others. Maybe that's part of the problem though...

Maybe I should elaborate on what I mean by "preserve". I journal every day. Not a lot, but just enough to get the gist of what went on in my day. Then I move on. It's not a constant dwelling or anything. At night I'll visualize or script or affirm and focus more on the future. Still, I think it's important to have a record of who you are, so you can chart your growth. And, as a writer, it's important to feel pain so it can inspire your work. Not that I'm saying I would intentionally feel pain, but the pain I do have, I need for my work. It's a way of vindicating, too. It's there, might as well make it useful. But it's only there for the art, then I move on (or try to). It sucks, but it's necessary for my work.

Does that make more sense? (And no argument, just a healthy discussion ).

When I was in my teens, I had the unhealthiest approach to myself and to things. My mentality was like this: "maybe if I starve myself and lost 5 pounds, he would love me." I struggled with EDNOS for a good chunk of my teens and early 20s, always striving to lose weight thinking that my current object of affection would love me if I did. I thought being pained, wounded, complex, and skinny was the way to attract love.

I may be wrong, but it's like your book is the 5lbs I thought I always needed to lose?

Will finishing your book bring your guy back to you? Maybe, maybe not. But I think you shouldn't treat your book as a means to bring him back to you.