I have started meditation, visualization and try positive thinking, to feel the feeling of how it will be when we reunite, i tell myself thank you for knowing it is on its way. I even checked trips to Disneyland to arrange when we will go. It is just the daily encounters with him ( due to children situation) that constantly remind me that he moves on - he actually tells me he wants to be alone and free- i assume another woman may be involved too...

Last edited by Anna (1/25/2016 7:17 am)

Thank you, i am trying not to dwell in this thought.

Anna, I'd like to offer my perspective since I think it can be of some use to you.

My parents divorced when I was three months old, so I grew up with them both being apart. They hated each other. My dad got re-married and I lived with him, while my mom spiraled into depression. I lived with my dad, but saw my mom every Sunday.

When I was younger, my mom would constantly talk about my dad, how she wanted him back, how she wanted an apology from him for how he had hurt her, how her life sucked, how she'd never find anyone else, etc.

Looking back now, I can see that all these things could've been fixed if she had just changed her thinking. She could've gotten back together with my dad or gotten an apology or whatnot, if she had just released her desire to the universe and then moved on and focused solely on herself. My mom has made so many great improvements on herself over the years and she's nothing like the person she used to be. I'm very proud. But this was because she changed her story--she started getting more confidence in herself, started finding new hobbies and now has a great new boyfriend. But she still brings up my dad from time to time. It's not as much as before, but she can't let go.

You can be different than this, I promise you! You can be that strong-willed woman who persevered and got her man back. But you have to change some things. Do you want to be the woman who mopes all day, who comes off as needy and does all these wacky things to get her ex back? My mom wrote letters, and started fights and placed phone calls. It was a whole mess.

Now I know this can be the hardest thing in the world, but think of the end result (getting him back) and it becomes a lot less harder. I'm sure you're a beautiful, amazing, funny and awesome woman just like my mom. It took her a while to see it, but now she's shining bright. And you're going to shine bright, too.

But please, for the sake of your kids, your man and most importantly, YOU, don't wait as long as she did before you start shining bright.

You can do it! 
 

Of course. I remember saying the same thing to my parents (I want them to live in the same house). 

And just know, just because somebody says something doesn't make it true. The only person who gets to say who you are is YOU. 

What if I were to say right now that you're a sleazy kleptomaniac? You'd say that's ridiculous! Why? Because it isn't true and you know it isn't true, and I'm just somebody saying that.

So what's the difference between that and what you're husband said?

When you hear him saying things like that, remind yourself like you just did why that isn't true. And just tell your kids that it isn't true. Don't dwell, but know in your mind it wouldn't be that way.

At least you're on this forum trying to get help. You WANT to change. That's more than some people. Look around you: how many people do you know who are in shitty circumstances and have a shitty attitude and just dwell, dwell, dwell. They blame themselves and they blame others. They say "I'm the worst. I can never change."

But you aren't doing that. You believe. So if you give that belief enough conviction it WILL happen.




 

Great mindset to have ^^^