thank you :-) yes, you are so right, there is no reason to be angry :-)

i think i need to work on forgiving him and myself as you say as that is in the way a lot
its true that when day like this appears where i feel frustrated, then its like the whole world is against me, today i felt like people are horrible everywhere i looked
and i knew that is because i dont feel right, then i feel even more angry with myself i let anyone to make me feel like that

in the past i was very angry person actually and it seems there is still a lot of that bad wvibe in me
right inner peace, trying to overcome anger brings more anger

i will do some hooponoponopono to release some of the negativeness which is in me

today when i couldnt get the anger of me, i realized how stuck i am in the past hurt and started to slowly focus on the good things, but i needed to hear it properly from someone again where i am going so thank you for stressing that :-) i appreciate your help

:-):-) yees we are a big big loving family, that is what i really love here, everyone is so nice and helping

Leli, I love how you said this, relax, let go and prepare for them to be back. I love this, so simple.  I plan all the time with my love as if we were already in a relationship. I would love to lucid dream and practice Astral projection. Are there any books, videos or material I could find out how to do this?

I even dont know if I put the whole story in here
but basically we havent together for the last 2-3years
he broke up with me 3 times that year and since the last break up its 2 years now. He moved to US and I live in Europe. That is it.
We met this summer he started to be more loving but the thing is i know he loves me the whole time but he said many times he wants to be only my friend and never in the relationship which I am not willing to ever accept and that is the whole story i hardly ever contact him, i even asked him many times mainly at the beginning of the break up to just leave me alone and not contacting me, he always ignores that and then says out of the blue missing you or something like that, every 2-3 months without me saying anything he contacts me regularly to say something like he is thinking about me but he works in US and doesnt seem to want to come to Europe and I jsut dont want every two month a message
each time i tried to communicate, after his missing you, not pushing, he suddenly stopped talking and then i lost patience as I dont like that and am not up for any games without seeing some major results
and that is the story really
I never had to do anything for guys wanting me and i dont want to start really
i never liked messages and email communication much, chats etc usually bothers me and i prefer meeting people than endless messages
the only reason i m on this forum as there are no people around me who i could tell this
i even dislike facebook and all those things
so that is why i lose intrest each time i see he is not willing to do something major like move to Europe
at the same time i know he is the kind of person who if he wants something ( mainly a woman) nothing will ever stop him from getting her and i know he wants me but not enough to be with me as a couple
so i know there is something wrong with my energy
my ego screams i am not gonna play those games and i refuse to do it the slow way at the same time i do love him

remember the homosexual and not sure what they told him but something like he was focusing on the bad brings bad i guess
i know what i do wrong but cant get past it basically
as Veronica would say I relive the story which happened in the past
i know logically i shouldnt focus on the lack and on what i dont like him to do but that is where i havent successfully turn it yet
i can keep being fine and visualizing us happy for few weeks and then i slip and then again, etc
unless you are pointing out something else