Hey everyone,

Obviously I’m trying to manifest back a specific person, and that lead me to stumble upon this forum. All of your stories/posts have really helped me through my "journey" these past few months. I joined this forum because one day I'm going to be posting my success story on here.

Initially I didn't want to do the whole introductory post because I've come a long way with LOA and didn't want to write a post focusing on what "was". But then I thought it only fair that since I’ve been creeping on everyone else’s stories, I should share my own. Plus, when I do write that big success story, I want to be able to look back at what I posted and be able to take pride in how much I’ve changed.

So here goes:

I’m 24, male, bisexual, trying to make it as a writer.

Back in January 2015 I was beginning work on a novel I’ve been brainstorming/ researching for a LONG time. I had just gotten “over” a big crush I had had on someone for a few years, and was working a pretty decent part-time job. Things were going great. Then I met QQQ (using a fake name to protect his identity) on Tinder. He was 31, bisexual and owned his own beer company. He was awesome and I clicked with him more than I have with anyone for a while. We had a few dates, really hit it off, and he always told me how much he really liked me. We bonded over our work ethics, sexuality, views on the world, etc.

Things seemed to be going great.

Then I started getting needy and nervous about this great thing being in my life, so I desperately asked him if he wanted to start a relationship. He said no because of how crazy his job was. Again, he owns his own beer company and he has events almost every night, plus he’s working on opening up his own brewery. As soon as he met me his company really started to take off, which sucked, but explained why he couldn't have a relationship. I was working hard on my book and realized I didn't have time for a relationship either so I was fine with casual/ fun for the time being.

Then his work got busier and busier and his communication became more and more sparse. I thought he wasn't into me anymore. When I confronted him about it he assured me this wasn't the case and was just really busy. His communication was spotty from the beginning so this wasn't exactly anything new. 

But still I was obsessive over him: thinking about him all the time, neglecting my work, constantly checking up on his social media, etc. And looking back I see how this energy pushed him away and created a negative situation.

We went on a few more dates and he made more of an effort with me. Then things became spotty again (he told me he was working 18 hour days every day) and we finally both agreed to take a break from one another while his work was crazy. This was back in May.

I still continued with my obsessive streak though. I checked his social media all the time, his tinder, his company website. It was bad. I also dwelled on all the bad times, and constantly told myself I wasn’t good enough for him because of my age, job, etc. I drank and had sex with random people to try and make myself feel better.

EVERYONE told me to get over him and that he didn’t deserve me. Maybe I was being stupid, but we had had such a connection before his work got crazy, and it was like his work turned him into a completely different person. It was because of this that I still hung on. I just wanted to be with him when his work wasn’t so insane (I had/have no idea the work involved in running a beer company and opening a brewery).

Regardless, I was a person I really didn’t want to be. What was worse is that my writing was suffering.

But then around August I found LOA and EVERYTHING changed.

I realized I could use it to attract QQQ back, and started meditating, visualizing, the whole nine yards. It started to really hit me that maybe the reason QQQ had been pushed away was because of the negative vibration I had been giving off.

I started REALLY evaluating myself and the life I had created and realized I didn’t want to live that way anymore—not for QQQ but for ME. I initially started using LOA to try and attract QQQ back; but after a time I realized “**** it, I’m now using LOA to attract ME back!”

It wasn’t easy, but slowly and surely I began making BIG improvements within myself. With full force I began tackling my neediness, my clinginess, my obsessiveness and my other insecurities. I stopped checking ALL of QQQ’s social media and started focusing entirely on myself. I began journaling more, exercising more and writing more. I got a new full-time job and moved out of my parents’ house and got a new apartment. I no longer didn’t feel good enough for QQQ! I had an awesome life and realized what a catch I was and how lucky QQQ would be to have me!

Despite all of this, I still didn’t fully “trust” LOA, or have a complete grasp of how it worked (specifically in the context of attracting a specific person). I still felt that desperate longing for QQQ.

Meanwhile, we had been facebook friends since January, and he never really “liked” anything of mine...until around August when he liked a status of mine—specifically, it was the day I started reading The Secret and first discovered LOA. You can’t tell me that wasn’t a sign (in fact it was what first proved to me that LOA was a very real phenomenon)!

Then he started liking EVERYTHING I posted on fb. I viewed this as a sign that my desire to see him again was on its way to me. I started to notice that every time I made a major stride with my life (writing more, not pining over him as much, buying my first apartment, etc.) he'd like something. He even started going back and liking things of mine I posted on fb MONTHS ago.

My birthday was in November and I kept visualizing him wishing me a happy birthday. I thought because of all the facebook interaction he'd surely do this. But without even realizing it I lost sight of LOA’s primary principles and started becoming desperate and needy to hear from him again.

On my birthday I spent the whole day wondering if he would contact me, and lo and behold I heard nothing from him. I should’ve spent the day enjoying myself, and yet here I was still putting him up on that pedastal.

I had always told myself if he didn't wish me a happy birthday I would be over him, but I didn't want to be over him. I decided I would send him one final email asking him what was up, and that his behavior had been weird lately what with his fb liking and everything. Then just ask him to be straight up about what he wanted with me.

I had the email all drafted but was still unsure if I should send it. Then he liked ANOTHER post of mine three days after my bday. So I viewed that as a sign and sent it. He responded back that he wasn’t interested in me, he was in Ireland because his grandpa was dying and didn’t have time to deal with me. He didn't want a relationship and wanted me to never get in touch with him again.

This was like 0 to 60 for me. Even when we broke things off in May, he still reaffirmed his interest in me and told me I’d be the first person he’d text when he finished the To Kill A Mockingbird sequel (his favorite book). He had always been so sweet to me—and now just abruptly turned into this.

I was so hurt. I had waited so long for him only for him to break things off without barely an explanation. Because of the book I'm writing I really was okay with just a "light" relationship for now, but I think he felt I was trying too hard to impose a relationship on him. I know the death of a loved one can set off your emotions, but I was really hurt he reacted in that way.

I was pretty upset for about a week at the way I had been treated, but even more so the way I had let him affect me so much. At the beginning of 2015 I had been so excited to write and finish my book in 2015, and now here I am at the start of 2016 and I’m only 2/3 done. That’s the part that hurts the most. It’s really ******* crazy how much you can change when you fall for someone, huh?

I completely wallowed after this for about a week.

Then I thought to myself, “**** this—I’m not going to let this situation bring me down anymore. I’m not going to stop living just because of one person.”

I see this whole situation in a new light now. I shouldn’t have put so much stock in QQQ’s fb likes. Were they signs of manifestation? Yes. But I SHOULDN’T have put so much importance on them. I should’ve just let them happen and not gotten so worked up about the whole birthday situation or the fact that I hadn’t heard from him in a while—because it turns out he had good reason because of his job and grandpa.

That’s why I want to tell everyone who’s so obsessed with signs and ****, to STOP!!! If I hadn’t gotten so swept up in them and just chilled and went about my life, I know FOR A FACT that he would’ve came back.

I was finally getting a handle on LOA and focusing on me, but I still wasn’t quite “there” yet. And I screwed things up by sending that email.

Well I’m not making those mistakes again.

I’ve been rejected by a lot of people in the past, and I let myself get completely down in all of those situations (and guess what, I never attracted any of those people back because I felt it was too “wrong” to not be obsessed with them anymore). But I’m not going to let that happen again.

After that week of being upset I began pulling myself back up again, and resumed my studies of LOA. I’ve gone deeper, and now I really “get” it on a much stronger level than I did before.

All my friends told me I should move on from QQQ, and for a long time I thought that too. But then I thought back to the way I felt when I used to lay with him. The way he’d look at me, and how my heart used to flutter. How he’d always hold my hand whenever we’d kiss. How he’d wrap his legs around mine whenever we’d go out to eat.

And I no longer NEEDED those moments or the feelings they’d give me. But they still felt awesome, and I still WANTED them back.

So I thought, **** it, life’s too short to just toss something out that once made me feel happy. I know the situation became a mess when his work and grandpa became involved, and a lot of that really hurt me. But a person never hurts you, YOU hurt YOURSELF in how you react to that person. And I don’t regret anything that happened in that situation because it pushed me to become a better person and discover LOA. Because of that, I will NEVER act that way again.

2015 started out amazing, then became completely shitty, but I’m so glad 2015 happened. It changed me into a completely different person. I went from an insecure little boy to the man I am now, a man who loves himself, and knows his worth, and lives fully and with abundant positive energy, and doesn’t need to cling on to others to feel happy.

Yes, I do still want QQQ back. I’ve been really reading up on Neville Goddard, McMurphy, RI/RS, the night method, meditating, the sub.con mind, and am just completely fascinated by all this. I visualize and affirm QQQ back into my life, but it’s honestly more a game at this point. Like “Wouldn’t it be cool if QQQ were to come back?”.

I finally feel on the right track with LOA. I realized that I don’t need to use it solely to get QQQ back. I can use it to improve my writing, my health, my life, and attract all kinds of other people who make me feel the way QQQ did.

I’ll be honest, I’ve made improvements with the whole manifestation process, but I’m still not COMPLETELY there yet. I haven’t entirely let go of attachment to QQQ, but I’m almost there. I can feel it!

QQQ will come back to me, things will lighten up with his job/life, he’ll be the way he was before and we will be together. I’m manifesting a reality where this finally happens!

But it’s not like I’m just waiting around and waiting for that to happen. I’ve got a ******* book to finish!

Usually at work, during my downtime I’ll just read and reread LOA articles. But the other day I read a bunch of articles and watched a bunch of interviews with the author Pierce Brown—he’s around my age and already has books published. He’s really charming, talented and has an incredible work ethic. Reading about him excited me—THIS was the kind of man I had wanted to be this year, and let slip away once QQQ came into the picture. But this was the kind of man I can still be (although my own version of course)!

I no longer feel an urge to read all these articles and posts about LOA/attract-a-specific-person. Sure, they’re cool. But I definitely have the basics down, and I don’t want to spend all my time focusing on attracting back a person when I can be out LIVING my OWN life.

So now at work I’ll be reading about people like Pierce, and other articles about reading/writing/living. I’ll still read about LOA, but just not in the obsessive/ “attract a specific person”-centric way I used to. Life is so much more than attracting a specific person and I’ve obsessed about the “art” of it a little too much in recent months.

Now my book is my number one priority, and creating an awesome life that doesn’t rely on another person is number two. I’m so ******* pumped for 2016—it’s gonna be my year! 2015 was the year I learned who to be, 2016 will be the year I start actually being that person!

So to all the “attract an ex/specific person” people out there—let’s take up the charge to live our lives for US. Cause we’re ******* badass motherfuckers and we WILL have the awesome people we want back in our lives. But we’re still gonna have a blast in the meantime.