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1/15/2016 4:02 pm  #1


Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

Hello everyone, i am new here, but i really would like to hear you about this. i have met my husband 19 years ago and we married 14 years ago and had two children.But we separated 4 years ... Past two years we have been together without being together, we never actually cut off, just living in different houses. I know he loves me i adore him too. Lately he realized i m considering reuniting and he has changed his behavior becoming so cold and indifferent, talking to me only about the kids and stopping me when i invite him over or plan a trip together or even a dinner. Until the point where he said he wants no commitment again, he preferred our relationship as it was ,free and without bonds,said what is the use of continuing this relationship between us, he loves me and doesn't want me to suffer, but same time it s not up to me anymore to give him time, cause right now he wants to be free. He even advised me not to be sad and to look ahead. those words cut my heart in two, as made me realize he had finally put an end. Please help me can you tell me how not to think those hurtful words over and over again? Should i not contact him anymore, but manifest and let go? Thank you for your time i really want my family back...


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1/15/2016 4:22 pm  #2


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

Hi Anna, I would firstly cut the communication as much as possible and definitely didnt initiate contact unless its important and let him to start all the communication. At the same time I would give myself some time to completely focus on myself only and not him, to get the strength and confidence again. As confident woman is very attractive to any man. Then when you feel really stronger and more confident, only then I would send the intention and write down how I want our new relationship to be, write a new script, in detail, how he treats you, how you feel with him in this new relationship (actually you can set the intention and write the script of your new relationship even now) then I would start with visualizing  the end result (after I got proper inner self-confidence). And then while visualizing I would still concentrate on my inner confidence and at the same time lived as if the wish was fulfilled. How would you behave if he was begging you to be back with him? that is the wish fulfilled.

The thing is he is now pulling away and it will be hurting you till you get the inner strength and faith that you will be back together anyway. And that takes a bit time usually, that is why the selfconfidence is so important. If he is pulling away, focus on you and you only, then you can do a bit of push and pull, once he start to contact you. I would definitely stop all the physical contact with him till he really wants you.

But that is only my way of looking at things.

I am sure you will turn it around very soon :-)

 

1/15/2016 4:35 pm  #3


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

Thank you so much for your time and sweet advise, it just looks so frustrating right now. But you are right i should not initiate any contact, except only about the kids' routine. I must find my self again. Thank you


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1/15/2016 5:20 pm  #4


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

my pleasure :-) I know exactly how you feel :-)i

it took me some time to get where I am but lately I feel very confident not only in myself but in the fact that my guy loves me so much that he will be back soon, trying so hard to be with me that I am not worried about it anymore. today I wanted to visualize my future abundant life, full of travelling and my business at the top, suddenly my guy popped in and he was already with me in a restaurant and trying really really hard to pamper me so i am happy only with him and I stay with him, I dont know how it got into my mind but it felt great

what I started to do, not only about him but mainly about my business is the mirror technique and I really recommend it to you

stand in front of the mirror and look deeply into your eyes then tell yourself either you are or I am, I do both

so say you are an amazing woman, you are joyful and loving, men just love being with you, you are stunning, you you, yes you, you are one of a kind, you are very special woman, look at those beautiful long hair, wow and the lovely eyes, they are so deep and beautiful :-) or combine with i am in a loving happy relationship with my husband, he cant get enough of me, of course he cant get enough of me, I am just so pretty .... play with it so it feels good and soon you will feel as your vibration rises

I also put on make up, do my hair and put nice dress, I actually started to wear dress more often

as I keep telling myself ok so how would happily married woman look and feel? that woman whose husband is crazily in love with her because she is so hot and smart

and also I do it with my business so how would this successful entrepreneur looked, felt, would she wear jeans all the time? no, she would wear dress more often, she would look here best, look at this amazing successful entrepreneur, ....

you get the picture

as I have worked on my self-estame for long now, its not that difficult to do that, so you will see how that feels, but in case you feel wierd, just keep doing that anyway, its really great exercise

its recommended to say it out loud, but I just whisper, loud whispering, I dont want my neighbors to think I am crazy, maybe I shouldnt care but I just feel more comfortable like that

but I make sure I look into my eyes, then really look at my hair, bottom and all the parts I think are really sexy, I look into my eyes and see the beautiful eyes, etc.
its fun and I do it morning before I go to my clients or before any meeting, then when I come back and sometimes even during the day, even in the bathroom in a café, only if there is the mirror in the cabin :-)

but I feel huge difference when I do that so try

and listen to this book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoODZ7tEN5Q

also come to this web often and read the inspiring stories to believe that your situation is not special but can be healed easily as the other cases

I think the common mistake people do is creating their situation so special and different that their case cant be healed

but it is only in our head, my life is from Asia, lives in USA and I live in Europe, for long time I saw that as a big issue, now I dont care, I know that is not a problem at all as the Universe can create miracles and bring us together, only if I believe

 

1/15/2016 11:38 pm  #5


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

Anna wrote:

Thank you so much for your time and sweet advise, it just looks so frustrating right now. But you are right i should not initiate any contact, except only about the kids' routine. I must find my self again. Thank you

 
That's great. One reason, consciously to all or not, that it's usually recommended to not contact them, is because your mind can recoup to a natural balance. In this state naturally good things come to you, and also your mind can be clear to set an intention effectively... if needed or wanted.

So clear your mind of it all by just generally clearing the vibration of it now, or by letting the dust settle. Raise your vibration gently by doing things for yourself, things you'd like to do, things that make you happy, and keep your mind on those things and events. Keep your mind on things that make you feel good, and constantly lean in the direction of those things that feel good or better if you can. He might cross your mind and it might feel good to think about him. That's okay. As long as your vibration is good,  clear, free from too much resistance, your mind can work to your advantage with an amazing potential. If there is resistance while thinking about him, maybe your brow furrows or your eyes squint, it's like going through mud maybe, it doesn't feel right, there's unwanted emotions, etc. Lift tourself out of that by distracing yourself, by going toward what feels a little better, a little better, a little better... no matter the topic or thought.

We are interpreters of vibration. While in a bad vibration, we see the things that are bad and they get worse. While in a good vibration, we notice the good things, and focus and think about them. We get reminded of other good things and all these good things are now being attracted. All good things, known or not known consciously in the now, come to you when you're in a good vibration. So, while you're in a good vibration, the good version of your husband has no choice but to meet you here in this good vibration.

Stay in a good vibration as much as possible. Do the pretty things you women do or you know, salt baths and candles, etc. Spraying perfume, putting on make up and stuff like that. Go out with friends or family in public and look and feel great. All that stuff. Whatever YOU like to do, I should say.

All while you're doing this, you're unconsiously attracting things that match this new vibration. You're up to speed with the new that is in store for you, and that includes a new attitude from your husband.


All this makes us compatible to receive, and it might happen on its own just from doing these things. And.. from this new place in you, this balance and happiness, you can set a supercharged intention. Very effective

I can write more about that later if you'd like. For now, what's important is just feeling good.


Wishing you the best.

Cheers.

 

1/18/2016 4:40 am  #6


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

Adam, everyone, i thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time to reply. I understand most of you have been through similar situations and you can feel that right now my psychology is so down because we used to be just fine with each other, and this coldness from him makes my feet and heart numb... 1 week no contact, and still he didint initiate any contact, i just did twice due to situation for the kids. Last time i was typical, smiling and thinking inside i know you love me and you know it too as i was looking at him and speaking other stuff. At the end of the talk and as i was about to go, he stooped to me and kissed me. I held his hand telling him lets forget the bad past days, i want us calm with eachother. He agreed and i left. then still 4 days not a call from him, and the second time i initiated contact is to wish him happy birthday, where he responded full of joy and thankfully, but that was it. No invitation, no nothing. Just like he would respond to a friend. I definitely do not want to be in the friend zone, or make him feel comfortable with my smile like i accepted the new situation. I try to visualize that he misses me but still when days pass and pass and he moves on i get disappointed and return to stage 1.
Plus the difficulty of my situation is that i come from a different town, so when we married i moved to his town. Right now i dont have many friends to keep my mind busy from desperation, cause of all the common friends we have. I am practically alone. I had even started imaginign and beleiving i would return to our home, so i planned our furniture in my mind, prepared myself for the next trip, imagined our families smile for the reuniting.... all of that.... Suddently all changed....he does not even call, when some weeks ago he was inviting me day after day and i felt he missed me.....

Last edited by Anna (1/18/2016 9:00 am)


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1/18/2016 12:39 pm  #7


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

I know how you must feel    I think the advice here is sound     You have to see him for the children   so when you do   I know this sounds  like an old movie  but always make sure you have on something  flattering   your hair and makeup done   and even your nails     men are visual   be nice   but now fawning.  Do for you   watch movies you enjoy   read books  take walks  whatever makes you feel good     
Do visualize often   picture him joyfully  wanting you back    or picture together again   all happy things     Always go into visualization with a happy heart   and joyful intent    If you are tense  or upset  wait  until your spirits are high  

and do pay attention to your friends on the forum    dont ever feel defeated   for that will bring defeat 

 

1/18/2016 9:49 pm  #8


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

Dear all, I did it again. I saw him , I did all the mistakes I shouldn't, begged him to hold me in his arms, give our family another chance. He was cold as ice, said he didn't hate me, he feels nothing. That indifference is worse than any hate. Told me to accept it, deal with it, don't beg, I don't want to feel sorry for you,you came here not for my bday but to convince me, leave etc I can't sleep, eat, smile, I need strength to empty my mind I love him, I miss our happy times which he so coldly throws away. How can I reverse this? I feel so devastated!!


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1/18/2016 10:26 pm  #9


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

Anna wrote:

Dear all, I did it again. I saw him , I did all the mistakes I shouldn't, begged him to hold me in his arms, give our family another chance. He was cold as ice, said he didn't hate me, he feels nothing. That indifference is worse than any hate. Told me to accept it, deal with it, don't beg, I don't want to feel sorry for you,you came here not for my bday but to convince me, leave etc I can't sleep, eat, smile, I need strength to empty my mind I love him, I miss our happy times which he so coldly throws away. How can I reverse this? I feel so devastated!!

You acted out of fear. Don't beat up yourself over it! It happens to all of us. Take a deep breath because that's in the past now.

You can reverse this by taking a step back and going no contact for a while, unless it's to discuss family/children matters. You need to work on yourself and learn how to be happy on your own. I know it seems like a struggle but the more you try, the easier it gets. We're all on this journey, WE CAN DO THIS. <3


What we think, we create. What we feel, we attract. What we imagine, we become. 
xo Gabby 
 

1/18/2016 10:40 pm  #10


Re: Desperate about my husband's cold treatment

I am grateful for all of you lovely people, with your help. I reached a point Where I feel so worthless. I love you people without knowing you, maybe we must know pain to appreciate other precious things. Lets see if I can bring the light from within outside.


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