Hi TheGiver,

Would you like to try an exercise?

If you do, take a blank notebook, and at the top of the first page ask a simple question, "what about this bothers me". List all things that bother you about it.

Then, re-read the list and put a star next to the things that hurt the most.

Then ask, "what do these things have in common?" Answer it and write a little about it. You might come across a core button, like "I long to be loved" or something.

Then keep asking questions. "Why do you want to be loved?", "If someone doesn't love you, can you still feel loved?", "Why/Why not?"

Just keep asking questions "why?", "why not", "how do you feel when...?", "Is this beneficial to me?", "how has it benefitted me?", "Do I want to continue this in the future?", "Why?", "Why not?"

And just be honest . You're just talking to yourself and being a good friend to yourself.

You will learn a lot and it's good therapy.


When you come to a core conclusion, make it an affirmation. Mine recently is "I can love and appreciate people in my life regardless of anything." And "I can feel happy, good, and attract the life I want regardless of circumstances and people."

The mind can wander and lose track of what's important and beneficial, and doing this helps the mind stay on track.

I worked for me, maybe it could work for you too.


Wishing you the best.

You're welcome

Adam wrote:

Hi TheGiver,

Would you like to try an exercise?

If you do, take a blank notebook, and at the top of the first page ask a simple question, "what about this bothers me". List all things that bother you about it.

Then, re-read the list and put a star next to the things that hurt the most.

Then ask, "what do these things have in common?" Answer it and write a little about it. You might come across a core button, like "I long to be loved" or something.

Then keep asking questions. "Why do you want to be loved?", "If someone doesn't love you, can you still feel loved?", "Why/Why not?"

Just keep asking questions "why?", "why not", "how do you feel when...?", "Is this beneficial to me?", "how has it benefitted me?", "Do I want to continue this in the future?", "Why?", "Why not?"

And just be honest . You're just talking to yourself and being a good friend to yourself.

You will learn a lot and it's good therapy.


When you come to a core conclusion, make it an affirmation. Mine recently is "I can love and appreciate people in my life regardless of anything." And "I can feel happy, good, and attract the life I want regardless of circumstances and people."

The mind can wander and lose track of what's important and beneficial, and doing this helps the mind stay on track.

I worked for me, maybe it could work for you too.


Wishing you the best.

 
Wow Adam thanks for sharing this advice. You sound like a guru there..

You're very welcome love5278!

Thank you so much for drawing it out of me

Two methods I have found helpful are CBT thought challenge and gratitude.

With CBT you challenge the thought you have and find evidence for and against it. At the end of it you find that there are many reasons why someone acted the way the did and your interpretation of it is just your take on it. And ultimately the only person's actions you can control is your own so, there is no point ruminating over something that you can't control.

Gratitude helps too,  by stopping the conversations  and then just say what in the relationship you were grateful for. Abe talks about a gratitude rampage and it is really effective.