happygirl wrote:

barbidoll yes, i attracted lots of things including him many years back :-)
yes, it used to be my mother a lot who had that power over me, now she doesnt and that pisses her off even more so we are not on very good terms, even though i do love her but somehow she cant handle that i dont react to her anymore
and for some reason he has that too, he always had but after we ended it, it seems like many things he does make me really go off like that, very often i feel like he never listens what i say and then his reactions are like if an alien is talking :-) but i need to refocus and see what i want instead of focusing on the opposite all the time :-)
thank you so much for your support barbidoll
I feel back on track at least when it comes back on track with my peace and my own power, and that is a good start i guess :-)
i want to have lovely Xmas as it is the best time of the year so will focus on the xmas tree, nice dinner, nice evening, nice time and all the magic around it :-)that should help really
i always felt there is something magical to xmas like if your dreams come true so easily, at least few of them do, always

Ah another thing in common   my mother has always been against me   but I wont go into the negativity    You are right  I am going to have  a wonderful Christmas by myself      I have to go to dinner for a bit on Christmas Day  to a coworkers  which is rather negative   but I will visit and go home     I remember making a rather imposable wish on a Christmas star   and it came true   I think there is some magic to this time of year   

happygirl wrote:

oh BTW the thing is yes i am on track with LOA for 10 years but I attracted really the life i wanted many years back, everything, car, company, salary, guy, lifestyle, all of that

but then i went back to my old me, and the selfsabotage started till it destroyed all in my life, but truly all of it
so then it came to the time when i nearly lost my sanity
then i remembered the Secret and started all again and this time i told myself i will do anything to get back on track and never let myself to go so deep again
and i have to say a lot have changed for me, i slowly started to get all i wanted and even more than i ever dreamt of, apart from this one thing, probably because there is the most resistance
but anyway, good thing is that even though sometimes i feel down, sad, angry or anything it takes me max few hours and i am my Happy girl self again and that i love about the whole journey, that i learnt how to get up and keep walking no matter if it means i am walking alone or with the one i want but am walking
which wasnt like that in the past
so yes, i think now things will get better whatever that means

We are living similar lives   I had a wonderful life   I was attracting all my desires without knowing  anything about loa   and then my mother's negativity crept in    I too lost absolutely everything   every possession  even my dead grandmother's things   my car   my job all my money  all my friends  and the love of my life and his son     I think I had a breakdown   and in my state  really bad people came into my life      After 3 years of total misery   I went to the library   and saw the book The Secret   on a display   I thought it was religious  but picked it up anyway as it called to me   well   that started this journey    When I found Veronica on youtube I knew I would find a way to get my love back   I just know it will happen  and I have to be a happy  positive  person to keep  the good things coming into my life  and staying there  
 

oh wow :-) yes we are sort of living the same story, only that i knew the secret in 2006, but still i went to my old self after few years and also sort of lost all my family now, still, but the thing is they are mostly negative and i realized i always wanted to be with them so kept myself telling the same things and stories as them, jsut to be on the same level, at that time didnt realize that the level was full of negativeness, jealousy and so on
so now i actually feel better without them and the ones who are the right ones for me and my new me stayed, like my dad changed to an angel for me thanks to my changes :-)

yes, I am sure you will get your love and the life you want, we all will
and you know what is the best, we are changing inside of us and that cant be taken from us ever
like i did use LOA knowingly but didnt go deeper in me at that time, so inside i was still broken, hurt, didnt feel loved by anyone and the last thing i would feel was selflove at that time, ever at the time i met my guy so he opened some door i didnt know it was there, he loved me so much that even though i wanted to be loved like that, the inner me wasnt ready for it, and it competely scared me off, i started to sabotage myself to prove to him and to my inner belief that no person can love me as that was my belief

so in a way i think he is my angel for leaving me as without that, i wouldnt be on this journey where i can explore selflove, so things are good in a way :-)