I'm still trying to achieve this. Im realizing it now that I've a fickle mind...one day I feel so positive and seems like everything is possible for me. But two days after the fears and doubts are back.
I'm doing my visualisations, affirmations for Self love and for my sweetheart. I broke the no contact rule yesterday by messaging him almost after 2mths. The conversation was light and he said he is on a call right now and will talk to me the nex day. I kept thinking after the conversation that breaking then I contact rule was not bad and the urge to talk has gone and I can continue my no contact again. Today read about writing letters...so started that.
But as the day progressed I started obsessing about his phone call, which never came. It just saddened me.
I know I shouldn't be waiting, but today I couldn't help but keep looking at my phone expecting it to display his number.
Looks like the whole 2mths work has gone in the drain as if whatever I've done so far...the meditations...25days challenge...visualisations...affirmations...RS...nothing has worked. If it did he would have called when he said he will. I've been doing it all with so much love ...not desperation. Then why didn't it work? 2mths of all this should have melted him a little 😔
What am I doing wrong?

Thanks Dan! Till the time I didn't chat with him for 2mths ...the desperation wasn't there. But when I did I just started looking forward for him to call coz he said he will. Yes, you are right...I need to work on changing my focus on myself.
From what I understand about LoA is to manifest anything in your life you have to be on a higher frequency, i.e. you are happy and content with what you have...only then universe delivers.
Thank you so much for your response. All the best to you.

Gratitude21 wrote:

I'm still trying to achieve this. Im realizing it now that I've a fickle mind...one day I feel so positive and seems like everything is possible for me. But two days after the fears and doubts are back.
I'm doing my visualisations, affirmations for Self love and for my sweetheart. I broke the no contact rule yesterday by messaging him almost after 2mths. The conversation was light and he said he is on a call right now and will talk to me the nex day. I kept thinking after the conversation that breaking then I contact rule was not bad and the urge to talk has gone and I can continue my no contact again. Today read about writing letters...so started that.
But as the day progressed I started obsessing about his phone call, which never came. It just saddened me.
I know I shouldn't be waiting, but today I couldn't help but keep looking at my phone expecting it to display his number.
Looks like the whole 2mths work has gone in the drain as if whatever I've done so far...the meditations...25days challenge...visualisations...affirmations...RS...nothing has worked. If it did he would have called when he said he will. I've been doing it all with so much love ...not desperation. Then why didn't it work? 2mths of all this should have melted him a little 😔
What am I doing wrong?

 
The core purpose of no contact which I've ascertained from some seemingly well educated sources - see Craig Kenneth and Lucia with the ArtofLove - is to never initiate contact from your end. You're walking away because that makes the strongest statement.

The point is not to try again in 30 days, or 40, 50, 60 and hoping that something you 'did' worked. It's to cut off until they reach out to you. It's got to be their idea! Which goes hand in hand with LOA principles of allowing the universe to bring that person into your life, under the right circumstances and when that person is in the right place again to be open to it. Since he hadn't initiated yet, he wasn't yet in that place.

Allow it to happen the natural way, and that means not reaching our or putting yourself in front of that person to spark something. That's not allowing the natural process, right? I'm learning this on the fly, too, so im by no means an expert. I'm just forwarding the good information that has been put my way. You shouldn't have to do anything, in regards to that person. Do nothing, do you. And that way you'll be giving yourself the best chance. I'm in NC as well but with all the reading I've done I firmly believe this is my best opportunity to any reconciliation in the future.

Give that person the gift of missing you, wondering what you're doing, If you even care, until they reach their breaking point / their interest piques. And stay strong and keep far away from yours. Outwait them, because theyre the one that walked away and were okay with leaving your side. Turn the table by being okay with them maybe not coming back. Because they're expecting that you're not okay. Find other reasons for being happy or enthused about, and surely at some point that desire will come back in some way, for us both. But seriously check out the YT channels above. So informative and helpful, offering different perspectives on this.

But breaking NC almost always makes you feel worse. It rarely ever helps, unless it's been long enough that both parties could have healed twice over. Time = fading of negative associations and memories and greater sentimentality. So let time do its work and heal yourself, so that it no longer is painful whether that person calls or not. I dont think we're ready to reconcile until we have come into that place of being okay with any outcome. I mean truly in that place, not just saying it. So that means truly healing yourself. I don't think there are any shortcuts. But if we're open and aware, and working on loving us, I am sure the universe will navigate us to the most efficient route there.

Last edited by Eloquent-euphony (2/12/2018 3:58 pm)

madone87 wrote:

So my POI has reached out for me but then again no contact, why is that?

How long was it before this contact? I've started to notice a pattern these past few weeks. Been following far more than just LOA teachings and I'm seeing a distinct pattern, which may be why I don't have the fearful feelings anymore and just know he'll be back.
 

I've noticed that when one goes no contact, depending on the situation, they will always contact again. It's RARE that they don't. You really have to screw up and them really move on for them not to contact you again. Then they'll send a casual "hey," or "sup?" kinda thing. Super blase and not much to give. Ignoring that will get them to bust that bubble because you're continuing not to contact or over give the way you used to. So they're all . . . wait, I better try again. It's a GOOD thing. It forces them to grow and become better people - and us as well. Then when they contact you with actual substance (usually within a month after that initial crumb if you've ignored it - even if it's a happy birthday or otherwise), they'll initiate contact again. Our problem is time. Time and patience is our friend.

It's a "test" phase. They miss you. They're used to you jumping at the chance to talk to them. Saying that gets a bad rap too. It may SEEM that many of us do when we just happen to grab the phone or something at that time, but what it says to them is what's important. So ignoring that first time is saying if you're not giving me more than a crumb? I can't eat on that. So I'm going to wait for you to give me more. Something I can really sink my teeth into. It's also you showing your value. You are not these other folks who are easy to please and so desperate for attention that anything will do (even if we dance around our room when we hear from them ). No. You are not the sales rack individual. Someone has to earn you. Someone who's willing to put in that time, energy, and effort because you deserve it.

That fear is all on us. Imagine he were anyone else. Look at him through those eyes more. That fear will always come about. One thing that's helped me (I still have my moments and feeling he won't come back too) is to notice that everyone has come back. The ONLY two men in my life I've never heard from again? (And we're talking out a LOT of people.) They'd gotten married so I blocked them on social media for a time so I wouldn't have to deal with them. In truth, I may one day hear from both of them too. I never wanted them to return really either. So it's me who kept them from coming back. Not focusing on them and not continuing to focus on things that keep me in that mindset or place is the biggest help.

Last edited by Sunshine&Dreams (6/24/2018 5:08 pm)