Hello

I am new to the LOA. I came across veronicas videos and a few other LOA coaches.  I did speak to a coach but I am not sure I am heading in the right direction. I was with my sould mate for a year and a half and it was awesome and amazing we were best friends, never argued, went every where together and  after a year and a half he beoke it offf with me saying he wasnt in love with me and didnt see it going any further.  I too kit like  a grown woman and walked away no crying or begging ( at least in front of him) I did  the 30 day no contact rule then the 35th day I reached out,. He did respond but it was basically a few words.  I have been watching all kind of videos and have been mediating . I have also been manifesting but nothing has come out of it. Also the love of my life that I dated before  "Chris " my  sould mate was killed 4 weeks ago  and I am completely devistated. I am trying so hard to be positive but as you can imagine I am lost without him. I want to try  again with christopher since I didnt put  the effort in the first time and I had told friends I am not feeling it and  we are going to break up .... and we did!!!!!. I must  have manifested that.  So my question is can you  please tell me what I can do to improve myself as far as books and tools that can help me? Because right now I am so depressed and I dont love  myself so even if I am manifesting chris to come back he  wont until I get this right ..Please give me some advice..  TY