Posted by PrettyFlamingo  10/26/2018 9:32 am | #1 |
I invited a friend a week ago to the cinema this evening and he said he would love to go. He was off sick earlier in the week and said he would let me know by Thursday evening if he was going to come. He didn't contact me (I suppose I could have texted to confirm, but things are two-way aren't they?) He did text me today, Friday afternoon, to say he would meet me at 5.00 this evening in a bar. As he hadn't contacted me by the agreed time yesterday I'd made other arrangements and told him so. (He has a habit of letting me down with arrangements so I've learned not to bank on anything with him). He's not still ill, by the way, he is back at work. I later learned from him that he was hedging his bets in case his friend from London was coming up, but "as he hadn't heard from him he could go whistle." I had to laugh at the irony of it. He was keeping me hanging on in case he had a better offer! I wouldn't have minded so much if he had told me about this friend, and we could have either gone another time or I could have gone with someone else.
Yes, we have to be flexible, though this person always has things cropping up and I have always got a Plan B in the back of my mind when I make arrangements with them. I've been let down about ten times in the last year or so by this friend, who I don't want to fall out with at all, but whom I am wary of making plans with in the future.
It's not a big deal really, but it is annoying and I've told him that I'm no longer arranging anything with him that involves buying tickets, booking things etc, and that I don't appreciate being the second fiddle for something as I feel it is very disrespectful. I deserve better than being the standby in case his other mate didn't come for the weekend. How very rude! The only arrangements I will make with this particular friend in the future is in a group so if he cancels it doesn't matter.
I'm not even sure what I have posted this for. Just felt like a rant as it made me really aware of my own value, and that I don't deserve being mucked around.
Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (10/26/2018 9:39 am)
Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.
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Posted by Cynthia 10/26/2018 12:32 pm | #2 |
PrettyFlamingo wrote:
(He has a habit of letting me down with arrangements so I've learned not to bank on anything with him).
this person always has things cropping up and I have always got a Plan B in the back of my mind when I make arrangements with them. I've been let down about ten times in the last year or so by this friend, but whom I am wary of making plans with in the future.
I deserve better than being the standby in case his other mate didn't come for the weekend. How very rude! The only arrangements I will make with this particular friend in the future is in a group so if he cancels it doesn't matter.
Just felt like a rant as it made me really aware of my own value, and that I don't deserve being mucked around.
Well, you said it yourself, this person has let you down numerous times and has brought your feelings of self-worth into it. It probably started out subtly so you weren't even aware of it, but at some point early on it started to become a belief that this person would let you down over and over again and that's what has happened. You started to see him as unreliable, which is what he has become to you, and you've also taken it as a personal affront, which is understandable, but may not have been his intention and you've defined it that way because of your past experiences. An interesting experiment would be, if you could be bothered, to start to see this person as being reliable and always showing up, etc. and keep that up for awhile and see if that changed your experience of him because I daresay it would.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who has run out of ideas.
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Posted by excalibar 10/26/2018 12:36 pm | #3 |
(He has a habit of letting me down with arrangements so I've learned not to bank on anything with him).
this person always has things cropping up and I have always got a Plan B in the back of my mind when I make arrangements with them. I've been let down about ten times in the last year or so by this friend, but whom I am wary of making plans with in the future.
I deserve better than being the standby in case his other mate didn't come for the weekend. How very rude! The only arrangements I will make with this particular friend in the future is in a group so if he cancels it doesn't matter.
Just felt like a rant as it made me really aware of my own value, and that I don't deserve being mucked around.
Well, you said it yourself, this person has let you down numerous times and has brought your feelings of self-worth into it. It probably started out subtly so you weren't even aware of it, but at some point early on it started to become a belief that this person would let you down over and over again and that's what has happened. You started to see him as unreliable, which is what he has become to you, and you've also taken it as a personal affront, which is understandable, but may not have been his intention and you've defined it that way because of your past experiences. An interesting experiment would be, if you could be bothered, to start to see this person as being reliable and always showing up, etc. and keep that up for awhile and see if that changed your experience of him because I daresay it would.
And you do that by visualizing him as how you want to be. I sometimes have a hard time figuring out what to visualize so just remember to have fun with it. Go with the flow so to speak and make sure nothing negative comes in. Don’t freak out if it does. Just focus harder on your visualization and not pay attention that bad thought. (Just let it go! The more you talk to it like “that’s not going to happen the more you’re focusing on it)
