Veronica's Law of Attraction Forum / After that hard self-image hit toward the beginning of the week

**Posted by YesIWILL** 8/16/2017 2:49 pm

Avaelle wrote:
I just looked over limerence. I do think some of us are struck with that as well as codependency

But here's the thing; limerence typically lasts on average 18m to a year-and-a-half, so it's been 7+ years since I've known this girl, we dated for roughly a year-and-a-half, and it's been 2 years since we've broken up. I'm genuinely in love. I just want to believe I can get her back. It's really hard when she still ignores you, hates you, and what's nothing to do with you. It makes it very, very hard to believe she'll come back into my life, even in any respect.

**Posted by PrettyFlamingo** 8/16/2017 2:53 pm

If I had been broken up with someone for two years I wouldn't consider that I could still be in love with that person, because everyone changes in that time and life is different, reactions are different, etc. You may not be in love with her if you and she started again. You'd have to get to know her again. It seems to be in love with how she was 2 years ago.

Just my take on it, I may be wrong.

**Posted by YesIWILL** 8/16/2017 2:57 pm

PrettyFlamingo wrote:
If I had been broken up with someone for two years I wouldn't consider that I could still be in love with that person, because everyone changes in that time and life is different, reactions are different, etc. You may not be in love with her if you and she started again. You'd have to get to know her again. It seems to be in love with how she was 2 years ago.

Just my take on it, I may be wrong.

And yet on the other side of the coin, if she were even remotely interested in me anymore, romantically, she'd have reached out to me by now, and definitely wouldn't have still been ignoring me... I don't want this to be hopeless. I want to be with her...

**Posted by Lifesagas** 8/16/2017 3:00 pm

And what I learned about limerance or similar states is that if you step back - completely step back. No contact, no social media stalking, no thinking about them at all - rejecting every thought of them that comes into your head rather than constantly thinking or day dreaming or using whatever 'techniques' people want to use.

If you withdraw your energy completely, after a few weeks (or less in my experience) I came out of this kind of fog and thought, what the hell? This person has done this to hurt me or made me feel bad or is just not really that into me. And maybe I'm not that bothered about them? They do x, y or z that I don't like. If this person was currently chasing me would I REALLY be that interested? Or is it just that I got caught up in the unrequited emotions and the pain of rejection? And the whole..but I soooo desperately need them. Sadly, even though it only took a few weeks of stepping back, I'd spent months being miserable before I let go.

In my early 20s I got really obsessed with a couple of people, thought they were my soulmate etc and looking back, I think WTF? You were obsessed with him? Lol

As I progressed in my own self-love and awareness I realised that I had a real fear of genuine emotional intimacy. I feared being loved and didn't know what I would do with it. I tossed aside great men who would really value and care for me as 'too nice' or 'boring' and went for guys that I knew were players or emotionally unavailable or just plain abusive or just did not want me!.

Because that's what I was comfortable with, I thought love meant pain and longing and being treated badly and still coming back for more because that's 'real' love. Nah!

There's no real profound risk in unrequited love or obsession. You get to feel all the feelings of 'love' without actually having to put your trust in someone, let someone see the real you, be vulnerable...

It hurts but it's equisite pain in a lot of ways. You get to avoid facing your problems in relationships by never putting it to the test. Telling yourself you couldn't possibly 'love' anyone else so you won't even try. And it all seems so romantic.. your heart 'belongs' to someone so you block anyone else that could really be good for you and make you happy. Because you're scared and don't really think you deserve it.

That's an epic post but thinking about how I was makes me so grateful for who I am now.

**Posted by Avaelle** 8/16/2017 3:02 pm

YesIWILL wrote:
PrettyFlamingo wrote:
If I had been broken up with someone for two years I wouldn't consider that I could still be in love with that person, because everyone changes in that time and life is different, reactions are different, etc. You may not be in love with her if you and she started again. You'd have to get to know her again. It seems to be in love with how she was 2 years ago.

Just my take on it, I may be wrong.
And yet on the other side of the coin, if she were even remotely interested in me anymore, romantically, she'd have reached out to me by now, and definitely wouldn't have still been ignoring me... I don't want this to be hopeless. I want to be with her...

Think about what she said about nobody wanting a hot mess. Don't take that the wrong way because I've for sure been a hot mess myself. LOL You need to change. It appears that you do all of the techniques but not enough deep self care. Mentally you are clinging to her, at times you haven't respected her wishes, you don't seem happy :-( - You've got to work and improve all that before she will want to be around you.

**Posted by PrettyFlamingo** 8/16/2017 3:04 pm

YesIWILL wrote:
I want to be with her...

Why? (a deeper answer than "I love her" please) - I'm a teacher and push my students to really dig deep for answers .............

**Posted by Lifesagas** 8/16/2017 3:09 pm

Sometimes you just have to accept you want to be with them but they don't want to be with you. Respect what they want, that's what really caring about someone means in my opinion.

**Posted by YesIWILL** 8/16/2017 5:24 pm

Thank you guys. I just hope I can manifest her back- I know the thought about "can I manifest an ex back?" and "I can't manifest an ex back" are kind of divided right now. So I'm just trying my beats to stay in faith that I CAN manifest her back, despite any doubts

**Posted by PrettyFlamingo** 8/17/2017 2:11 am

It sounds like this is the overriding thing in life to the exclusion of all else. Put it on the back burner and fill your time with activities and people that are nourishing and which honour you.

**Posted by Stacey** 8/17/2017 9:17 am

I've got plenty of experience with being a hot mess and feeling like I needed a certain person in my life. My last official boyfriend left me 2 years ago and of course, he was the love of my life, the air that I breathed, the reason I would wake up in the morning and all that fun stuff. I did all the usual self-destructive behaviours associated with breakups. I stalked, bombarded his phone, hated the girl he cheated and moved on with, I absolutely dragged her verbally, not proud of that one.

I blocked him for an entire year on any platform I could reach him on, I gave my friend my Facebook password and that was closed so I couldn't check up on them. A year later after I'd calmed down and got over the need to cling to him I messaged him and apologised. He understood where I was coming from and we agreed to be civil.
Once I'd moved past it, that relationship eventually ended and guess who he started hitting up wanting to rekindle? Me. He told me everything I wanted to hear but at this point, I realised that as important he was to me once I owed myself the chances and opportunity to grow and be the best version of me, for me.