A few days ago, I hesitantly agreed to go out for a drink with this model guy who seems interested. I'm not really open to DATING-dating. It's way too soon. My heart's not in it. But I agreed. I figured there was no harm and it might be a fun distraction.

The next day:

I work from home. I was on the phone with my mom telling her about this "date" on Tuesday and sitting by my window. I look down and there's a cat I've never seen around here before that looks exactly like the dude's cat (he showed me a pic last night) sitting there staring up at me. I laugh.

I get back to work. I pull up a customer's information and there it is, in black and white. My beloved's first name, which is not the most common name and it was the less common spelling of it.

Yesterday:

I had started using RS techniques during visualization on my beloved. I woke up feeling "meh". Not BAD, just meh. I decided I could do better than "meh", so I posted a challenge in this forum and then 5 minutes later, had an opportunity to help a cancer patient in my area get access to something she needed.

As I sat and worked, I realized I wanted a snack, but I didn't want to go to the kitchen and spend the time to cook. Then my eye fell on the bag of my stuff that my beloved returned from his house the other night. I hadn't unpacked it and put the stuff away yet. I suppose I'd been avoiding it. And then I remembered: there were protein bars in there that I had kept in his kitchen during our relationship! Coconut ones! I love those! 

I laughed and said "Thanks for bringing me the snack, honey! Love you too!"

As I was eating it, I looked down at the time and it was 12:34, a number that pops up constantly for me in regards to him over the course of our relationship. And then as I scrolled through FB, I saw an ad for a pair of very distinctive leggings 100% identical to the ones I wore on our first date.

A little while later, I felt an intense urge to look at his FB, but there wasn't much anxiety tied to it. (I unfollowed him so he doesn't pop up in my feed, but we're still friends.) Right after I'd done my visualization the night before, he posted a song with lyrics that were clearly targeted toward me, about "needing to walk away", not trusting, and generally angry and resistant.

For one split second, it upset me, but then I smiled and knew that this was because I'm getting to him and he's throwing up active resistance because he FEELS it. Posting something that reactionary in public is really unlike him, so he must be in a tailspin, the poor thing. He's not the kind to whine for TOO long and he'll get past it, especially as I keep working on sending him love, forgiveness, trust, and warm fuzzies. I got this in the bag and I see this as progress that he's on his way back. My RS visualizations are 100% working.

A friend had encouraged me to reactivate my account on the dating site where I met my beloved even though I felt pretty blah about it. So I logged in and saw that he had also reactivated his account, updated his pictures, and VIEWED MY PROFILE late the night before, during the time I was doing my visualizations. (I have a type of account where he can't see that I viewed him, but I can see that he viewed me.)

It IS working. He's on his way back and his feelings for me and doubts about his choice are so strong that he's actively fighting against them. 

I'm ready. Thanks, universe!

 

Last edited by BellaLupa (1/14/2017 1:14 pm)