Dear Cotton,
THANK you so much! O my God, I cried while I was reading your posts.
I lost months begging God to help me and bring him back. We broke up in November 2015, it was LDR, since New Year we are in no contact. The reason why we broke up is me, I started to be clingy, needy, I was in fear and panic of losing him, I completly lost my mind, we started to fight often, and finally in our last phone conversation he said that he was never in love with me and never will be, that we are just friends.
I was so depressed, I prayed to God every day and night, I cried so much, I couldn´t look myself in the mirror because I knew that it is my fault for breaking up, my behaviour pushed him away.
So, when I was praying, I was saying to God that I know that I am not good enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough, nothing special for him, that I don´t deserve big things, that I am the problem, so I am not wondering why I lost him, why he said that he was not in love with me, who could blame him because of my behaviour, and I know that He wouldn´t help me to get him back because he deserve so much better, but still I want him so I would be so grateful if He could bring him back. I prayed something like that.
Nothing happened, no phone call, no message, he didn´t come here.
After New Year´s I saw on his FB profile that some girl post a picture of her and him.
It broke my heart.
I was looking at that picture for days thinking and saying to God that she is so much more prettier than me, look at her eyes, her hair, her smile, I can´t compete with her, I have nothing to offer to him, he met a better girl so there is no way he could ever think of me or to give us another chance.
So I started to pray to God in a way like compering me with her, I asked God why she has to be so beautiful, why am I not worth of second try...
I was scared because, besides she looks more attractive than me, she lives in the same city where he lives and she has more chances with him, more that I do. Also, his best friend is her best friend so I suppose she would set them up (later I found out that they are just friends)...
I am Christian, I was raised that if it is God´s will it will be, if it isn´t, it won´t be.
So, I thought that nothing I can do against His will, no matter how hard I try or pray.
When I prayed for some previous boyfriends... I got nothing. Even worse.
So I started to doubt that maybe nobody was in His plan so that was why my prayers has never been answered, so I have a real reson why I should worry about current situation.
The more I pray, the more nothing I get.
Since I met loa, it was about 2-3 months ago, I started to feel so much better, now I see myself different, I know I am beautiful, smart, funny, and I know I deserve big things and I can accomplish them.
Now I pray different, I ask God to help me "clean" all obstacles in our way, he his not more worthly than me, I can have him or someone else, there is nothing wrong with me.
But, still he is not here, we are in NC for months, our situation hasn´t change. Sometimes I think why it is so hard...
What do you think?
What should I do?
woke up rather on the bad side, and hear I see the things that I needed to read/ hear 