Hi guys

New to the forum... just reconnected with LOA after a long time without it in my life... mid January my bf finished with me and I was heartbroken... I adored him but there was an elephant in the room between us... we had grown distant... I am 43 and he is 28.. I'm going through a stressful time and am just finishing a 4 year masters in Osteopathy which is full time as well as working three jobs in the evening and trying to keep up with the extracurricular workload and self study... he just started a degree in an arts related subject and is having a different experience... he enjoys his studies and it'd only been one term when we finished so it was very laid back, unlike mine which is intense and has SO much to remember etc.... anyway I had let this course stress build up and together with depression and low self esteem, I thought he was too good for me... even tho he adored me, I didn't love myself and just thought he'd dump me... I dreamt it one night in October and I told him the following morning... I didn't realize how I was attracting that to me... and it finally happened... this relationship was just shy of a year and is the shortest one I've ever had... 9 years being the longest... but for him it's his longest... he dumps people because he has such strict criteria about what he wants which is great in a way but entirely inflexible.
. He dumped me just as I started my dissertation which is due tomorrow and almost done but it showed how he put himself first by thinking just about his trajectory... he is a lovely person and after the acute phase of the first month where I was bawling, drinking and feeling all kinds of emotions and trying to get in touch a couple of times.
If found Veronica and her words resonated because I wanted a second try... I've never wanted that before in a relationship but with him I do... so I've tried to get on and focus on my course and final exams but I find I'm obsessing sometimes and living my life via Instagram in the hope he sees me differently... it just goes up and down... i think it's not helped me being in a transitory place where I'm not earning loads of cash and I'm studying to build a better life... he wanted me to do stuff and I kept saying I can't I have ok to study or I can't I have to work.. in the end he'd had enough... I'd like to have thought him as being more supportive but I guess he'd had enough of my silence and preoccupation with what I had to do... I don't quite know what I'm asking here, but something about the relationship is I just know we could have the BEST time if we tried again with a different spin on it... I've had good days of visualisation etc and writing scripts and having gratitude, but I've found it hard to maintain with lots of course pressure... and I got a new credit card in Jaunary and have almost maxed it out 'being good to myself'... does this resonate with anyone? Thank you Xxx

Last edited by Carl74 (3/11/2018 8:38 am)