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8/30/2020 3:55 pm  #1

No contact?

Hey all you lovely people!

Here is my backstory, I'm really sorry as it's a bit long!
I was in a one-year long-distance relationship with a guy which whom I had a great connection with. He was the one who got in contact with me through a common acquaintance after he had done a hospital rotation in the country where I lived for a couple of months. We saw each other twice in real-life (two weeks in total) and spoke almost daily; I met all his family and he kept making plans to be together. Due to his career plans falling apart (I won’t go too much into the details) he wanted a break and decided to put our relationship on standby while he figured his life out but wanted to continue communicating regularly and said maybe in a year or two he may come to my country.
Before all of this, he’d say we will find a way to be together and see each other as soon as possible but after meeting up with one of his “mentors” (who seems to be very toxic and seems to influence him against his own family from what I understood from his mother…) he literally changed his attitude from one day to another and said we don’t know each other that well as it’s a LDR, that we will suffer due to distance. He also told his mother that I am an exceptional woman, the best girlfriend he ever had but that he doesn’t want to live as a parasite on my back (I would be earning 4 times as much as him at first). He also said he didn’t want to suffer as he had had a 5-year toxic relationship with a girl that left him for another guy 5 years prior to our relationship (she is now married with a baby). I was his second long-term relationship as he mostly dated occasionally in between as he put a priority on studying.
After a month of being on standby and chatting only occasionally, it grew very frustrating for me as he was depressed and didn’t want help (I could’ve connected him with people who maybe could have helped him with his career issue) and grew apart from me…he clearly said he didn’t want to deal with a relationship for a while but that he wanted to communicate like before. I tried to cheer him up and sent him a birthday gift but our contact became very sparse… in the end, I wrote to him a message that I could no longer be on standby and he’d know where to find me when he became that great guy again (this was end of December 2019). He didn’t have another woman in the picture of which I am sure was the truth.

He told his parents I am an exceptional woman but that I live in another country…I can’t go and work there as our professions make it more complicated to immigrate just anywhere (medical field).
I broke no contact twice two months later for closure and he replies he wants to remain friends and we never know in the future but that he doesn’t want to make plans to which I said I cannot be friends right now as at the time I felt really hurt and wanted a relationship. He keeps quoting the John Lennon song: “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans”.
And the second time I broke it, was in April 2020, when we spoke on the phone, he apologized that he treated me unfairly and said for now he doesn’t think we have a future as his career isn’t set and he wants to stay in his country for now and he doesn’t think he will leave his country soon. All his life he wanted to leave and at the first obstacle he basically got scared and ran away… I wrote to him a heartfelt goodbye message basically telling him I want someone who fights for me and with whom we are a team and deserve much more than standby and that I truly wish him all the best in life to which he replied to also saying goodbye and that he doesn’t have much more to say and hopes we have good things to hear from one another, he ended it with hugs and kisses. I did this because I was truly suffering and was very very depressed and thought it was a bit hopeless...

We haven’t had contact since and honestly, I have been trying different techniques to manifest him back…

I don’t think I want to break no contact as I don’t want to be repelled and would prefer he reaches out? I’ve been the over-contacter too..

What do you guys think? I'd love to have some advice! Thanks so much!


4/24/2023 7:00 am  #2

Re: No contact?

I would fully let him reach out to you.  It is absolutely possible.  Focus on the future, not what got you to this moment.  Think about everyone in his life supporting the relationship with you too.  Hope this helps and wishing you the best 


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