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6/17/2020 2:57 pm  #1


my person.....

Ok so here's the situation.....

I met a man on New Year's Eve that I had been talking to online only a couple days before. I hadn't been on a date since my significant other passed away 3 years ago but somehow felt a pull to agree to meet up with this guy. The date went well and we ended up going back to his house that night, something I was not at all intending to do, but since I didn't want the night to end, I agreed to it. We ended up connecting crazy well and went all the way that night, something I have never done before.Β 
The next morning he asked for another go, and I said I needed a nap because I'm partially blind and my eyes aren't used to being up all night, but he laughed and ended up on top of me anyways. I started crying and he eventually got off, and we talked about my previous relationship with the man who passed away and he sincerely said he wasn't trying to replace him, but wanted to do better than him. I thought it was very sweet, and my previous boyfriend was truly an amazing person.
We met up a few days later and to my surprise he told me he loved me and that I might be the one he buys a wedding ring for one day. I said I loved him too because I felt it, but how fast things were moving were very unexpected. We ended up connecting deeply again, and I shared I had wrote down a list on all the things I wanted in a partner a few months before meeting him, and he had them all. He also shared he had a dream about me a few years before and knew instantly when we met that I was the one in the dream.
I had plans to spend a few months across the country in Cali, and when I told him, I was quite nervous. He was surprisingly fine with it and said he didn't mind waiting because he saw a future with me. I ended up missing my flight because I got very ill, had a UTI and a strong reaction to bacterias in his house he seems to be immune too, and my eyes were deeply effected by his cigarette smoke because my retina is more sensitive than most. He said he would try quitting, as he wanted to anyways. He eneded up joining me to California to help me get settled the first night. We had a dream date on Laguna Beach. He had sex for the second time that night, but I was exhausted because I hadnt slept in 3 days and he kept pressuring me to go like 7 more times. I was really confused because I told him I was focusing on my goals and had pregnancy phoebia, so having sex with him at all was a big deal. I didn't understand why he wasn't grateful for our time together, and he later told me he felt slighted and rejected by his own girlfriend that night since we only went that one time.Β 
My 7 weeks away were amazing, we texted daily, and felt very connected. When I came home, there was a surprise note from him saying California with me was the best experience of his life. Our first date when I got home started off great, but then he started disrespecting my family, mainly because we don't cook as much (he loves to cook) and he thought we were rich, we are actually middle class and not judgmental about money, but I guess he felt insecure. He then told me he occasionally has done cocaine, which was unexpected, and then started saying things about my precvious boyfriend like he wasn't a blessing and didn't love me. I asked him politely to "please leave" which he did, but he stayed in the area as we texted, he came back to talk for a bit, and decided to work it out before he left. During the initial argument before I asked him to leave, I had blocked him because he scared me and I had a flight response. I never told him though so when he got home he texted me and told me he thought I broke up with him, but I explained I didn't want to and just got really scared in that moment. I've never felt disrespcted before or asked anyone to leave my house, so the whole concept was very overwhelming.Β Β 
Things were starting to improve when a girl messaged me saying he was flirting with her with messages. I called him and left a message that I didn't play these games and I wanted to break up. We ended up working it out and seeing each other soon after. He kept pressuring me to have sex and it made me feel really confused and disrespected, so he drove me home and was so upset he almost sped up the car to crash it, but was able to control himself my smoking a cigarette, which he knows is damaging to my eye. We somehow still worked it out and left in the best terms we had in a long time.Β 
The next two times he met up got cut short, mostly because of health reasons. I do tend to get sick a lot whenever I see him, and I think he thinks I'm overly cautious about health, but these are issues I've only ever had with him.
The last time he left we talked on the phone for a while and he told me he was special and that I was spared a lot (I said I hate casual dating) and that he was willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work. Conversation really decreased the next month and when I brought it up, he didn't seem to notice. I was the one initiating if there was any communication. I called him and got a hold of him recently, and the conversation lasted 5 minutes and he told me he loved me. Later that day, I got a message from another girl who he had been hooking up with all week.. I told her we were together and just had our fives months. My boyfriend had talked about our philosophies on cheating before, and it scared me that he seemed strangely ok with it. He said I deserved it because I didn't give him enough sex. We had agreed to compromise on this issue, but he said he thought I was leading him on by not having sex and told his family that, even though my choice to go slow has nothing to do with him. He said he thought we were over and was looking for a rebound and to get laid, neither of which I respect, but of course I still love him. He said a week before he met up with that girl (someone he met in high school), his sister asked about us and he thought it was over, all but the goodbye he said. He said he got teared up, which I've seen him do with me before. He has a lot of walls and he says I'm the only one who has ever brought them down. I love the person he is with his walls down.
On the back of my original list, I've been writing a new list with character traits with him I wish would improve. I love him unconditionally and accept him for who he is, but I have standards for a relationship. He still doesn't think he did anything wrong by cheating, and said he was hurt by me not having sex and wanted to hurt me back on purpose. I have never intenttionally hurt someone so this was confusing to me. We both still want to be together and the signs and connection are strong, and I'm supposed to see him this weekend for some milestone events. I'm trying to attract the relationship I want with his man and I do believe it is possible. I'm trying to live in the end result, but do often get nervous like he's going to betray me again or not treat me well, or that he was using me all along. Any pointers on how I can stay on tract and get the healthy and loving relationship with his person that I believe we both truly want?Β 


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6/17/2020 5:41 pm  #2


Re: my person.....

I'm sorry that things have been a struggle with this new person and also that your significant other passed away.Β  It sounds like you deserve to have this go right And, I would reinforce that idea.

I would start from scratch with this person and set your standards very high.Β  Become the person who is never used and who has things made right.Β  I wouldn't give attention towards the idea of betrayal.Β  Instead, see yourself as someone who can always have loyalty and love (and absolutely deserves it)

Realize that you are something of value.Β  Make this journey to attract a healthy relationship mostly about you.Β  Let him do the work to win you back, not the other way around.

Take small steps to forgive the past too, move forward from those moments.Β  When you see him, be independent and strong.Β  Be relaxed and true to yourself.Β  Work on the idea of being unconditionally loved.

This video can help-



Veronica xxoo

Ilovemydog wrote:

Ok so here's the situation.....

I met a man on New Year's Eve that I had been talking to online only a couple days before. I hadn't been on a date since my significant other passed away 3 years ago but somehow felt a pull to agree to meet up with this guy. The date went well and we ended up going back to his house that night, something I was not at all intending to do, but since I didn't want the night to end, I agreed to it. We ended up connecting crazy well and went all the way that night, something I have never done before.Β 
The next morning he asked for another go, and I said I needed a nap because I'm partially blind and my eyes aren't used to being up all night, but he laughed and ended up on top of me anyways. I started crying and he eventually got off, and we talked about my previous relationship with the man who passed away and he sincerely said he wasn't trying to replace him, but wanted to do better than him. I thought it was very sweet, and my previous boyfriend was truly an amazing person.
We met up a few days later and to my surprise he told me he loved me and that I might be the one he buys a wedding ring for one day. I said I loved him too because I felt it, but how fast things were moving were very unexpected. We ended up connecting deeply again, and I shared I had wrote down a list on all the things I wanted in a partner a few months before meeting him, and he had them all. He also shared he had a dream about me a few years before and knew instantly when we met that I was the one in the dream.
I had plans to spend a few months across the country in Cali, and when I told him, I was quite nervous. He was surprisingly fine with it and said he didn't mind waiting because he saw a future with me. I ended up missing my flight because I got very ill, had a UTI and a strong reaction to bacterias in his house he seems to be immune too, and my eyes were deeply effected by his cigarette smoke because my retina is more sensitive than most. He said he would try quitting, as he wanted to anyways. He eneded up joining me to California to help me get settled the first night. We had a dream date on Laguna Beach. He had sex for the second time that night, but I was exhausted because I hadnt slept in 3 days and he kept pressuring me to go like 7 more times. I was really confused because I told him I was focusing on my goals and had pregnancy phoebia, so having sex with him at all was a big deal. I didn't understand why he wasn't grateful for our time together, and he later told me he felt slighted and rejected by his own girlfriend that night since we only went that one time.Β 
My 7 weeks away were amazing, we texted daily, and felt very connected. When I came home, there was a surprise note from him saying California with me was the best experience of his life. Our first date when I got home started off great, but then he started disrespecting my family, mainly because we don't cook as much (he loves to cook) and he thought we were rich, we are actually middle class and not judgmental about money, but I guess he felt insecure. He then told me he occasionally has done cocaine, which was unexpected, and then started saying things about my precvious boyfriend like he wasn't a blessing and didn't love me. I asked him politely to "please leave" which he did, but he stayed in the area as we texted, he came back to talk for a bit, and decided to work it out before he left. During the initial argument before I asked him to leave, I had blocked him because he scared me and I had a flight response. I never told him though so when he got home he texted me and told me he thought I broke up with him, but I explained I didn't want to and just got really scared in that moment. I've never felt disrespcted before or asked anyone to leave my house, so the whole concept was very overwhelming.Β Β 
Things were starting to improve when a girl messaged me saying he was flirting with her with messages. I called him and left a message that I didn't play these games and I wanted to break up. We ended up working it out and seeing each other soon after. He kept pressuring me to have sex and it made me feel really confused and disrespected, so he drove me home and was so upset he almost sped up the car to crash it, but was able to control himself my smoking a cigarette, which he knows is damaging to my eye. We somehow still worked it out and left in the best terms we had in a long time.Β 
The next two times he met up got cut short, mostly because of health reasons. I do tend to get sick a lot whenever I see him, and I think he thinks I'm overly cautious about health, but these are issues I've only ever had with him.
The last time he left we talked on the phone for a while and he told me he was special and that I was spared a lot (I said I hate casual dating) and that he was willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work. Conversation really decreased the next month and when I brought it up, he didn't seem to notice. I was the one initiating if there was any communication. I called him and got a hold of him recently, and the conversation lasted 5 minutes and he told me he loved me. Later that day, I got a message from another girl who he had been hooking up with all week.. I told her we were together and just had our fives months. My boyfriend had talked about our philosophies on cheating before, and it scared me that he seemed strangely ok with it. He said I deserved it because I didn't give him enough sex. We had agreed to compromise on this issue, but he said he thought I was leading him on by not having sex and told his family that, even though my choice to go slow has nothing to do with him. He said he thought we were over and was looking for a rebound and to get laid, neither of which I respect, but of course I still love him. He said a week before he met up with that girl (someone he met in high school), his sister asked about us and he thought it was over, all but the goodbye he said. He said he got teared up, which I've seen him do with me before. He has a lot of walls and he says I'm the only one who has ever brought them down. I love the person he is with his walls down.
On the back of my original list, I've been writing a new list with character traits with him I wish would improve. I love him unconditionally and accept him for who he is, but I have standards for a relationship. He still doesn't think he did anything wrong by cheating, and said he was hurt by me not having sex and wanted to hurt me back on purpose. I have never intenttionally hurt someone so this was confusing to me. We both still want to be together and the signs and connection are strong, and I'm supposed to see him this weekend for some milestone events. I'm trying to attract the relationship I want with his man and I do believe it is possible. I'm trying to live in the end result, but do often get nervous like he's going to betray me again or not treat me well, or that he was using me all along. Any pointers on how I can stay on tract and get the healthy and loving relationship with his person that I believe we both truly want?Β 


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Veronica Isles - VeronicaIsles@gmail.com
Coaching:Β http://www.veronicaisles.com
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6/20/2020 9:15 pm  #3


Re: my person.....

Thanks so much for your response Veronica, your kind words were very meaningful to me.
Our couple days together went very well overall, but near the end he seemed distant, which I brought attention to and unintentionally we talked about the cheating again, which frustrated him, and I asked him if I had his commitment, which he said he did, but something still felt off.
I feel as though, and this is just a guess, he's non responsive to the realization that, as you said, he would need to make some positive changes in his life in order to fully be with me, and he might feel torn or unready to do so when realizing how difficult this might be, although he was very intentional about wanting to be a better man for me on his own in the beginning of the relationship. He also mentioned he doesn't believe in romantic love as real or unconditional, but rather a chemistry thing. I know this to be untrue due to personal experience with my partner who passed away, and I want him to experience real unconditional love from a woman for the first time, preferably with me. He says he loves me often, but rarely looks me in the eye when he does.Β 
I really am not looking to change him, rather for the best version of himself to come out so we can have the best relationship possible. I feel progress has been made and we are headed in a positive direction, but how do I stay focused and live in the end during this challenging time with him? I don't want to focus on the wrong energies or say too much too soon as far as trying to show him the light and love I'm trying to offer him because he seems to pull back and be nonresponsive when I do,Β 

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