All about self love right now! My chatter is changing direction. At times it's difficult to sit down and just do it but the fact that I've finally able to move my focus from everyone to myself is a huge deal for me.

To Believer 21-----I just started the challenge today- its sort of the same setup as " The Secret- Magic" practice book but more geared towards love.  I will give it a try- tho Its only been 3 days since I heard from my man lol . IM grateful for that.   I manifested him back then made it all about him and he went MIA since Sunday- but I know he will reach out I will be working on this when he reaches out but wont stop reading it just because he does. - I wanted to thank you for posting so much - its nice to read someone's journey- 

Last edited by Kasper80 (4/24/2019 3:09 pm)

So I feel a bit agitated right now. More like exhausted. I tried visualising this morning and I didn't feel like. I love him and if I see him in front of me right now I'll probably jump into his arms so badly that he might end up injuring his back lol. But something in me has changed. The visualisation routine feels to "methodical" right now. Something inside of me is yelling that I've done enough work and it's time to make him chase me. It's a hard thing for me and I'm struggling internally. All my life I've been the one chasing things and people and this idea feels like an open rebellion against my old self. But my old self has been pretty crappy when it comes to deliberate manifestations and being happy. My old self is trying to make me feel insecure and obsessive. I'm hell bent on choosing the newer version, the version that says "Let him chase you, let him understand what you're worth". Not because I feel that it will bring him back instantly ( I've waited two months already and I'm alive, ain't I? I mean I'll live irrespective of what happens, I've lived through the worst anyway) but because I need my life back.

PS - these two months have been about serious reshuffling with respect to a lot of things. I've left a well paying job without backup because my boss was acting crazy with the entire team. Most of my team is waiting for offers but I've experienced FIRST HAND how you attact the same work conditions over and over unless you rewire your thoughts and focus on what you want instead of what you don't). I'm moving from my current apartment based on my job location but most of the offer discussions have been from locations close to his place. Third, the Gym I've been going to since the past 3 years shut down recently. My whole weight loss journey has happened in that place and I was kinda attached to it, and I avoided moving in order to go there.

So yeah, war waging inside my head right now.

Last my birthday is next month and it will be amazing to be able to spend it with him. I usually keep my mom in town because I'm afraid of spending it alone. This time she'll be going back before my birthday. Don't get me wrong, it's scary as hell. But I have to open my doors. I have to keep the options open. Irrespective of how scary it gets. Else I'll never know what's possible and what's not.

I get it. I feel it too. But we gotta stop beating ourselves over feeling bad occasionally. I mean we are all human, not Buddha personified. Control gets easier with time. In my last relationship I was hot and cold for a year and after a point I was like to hell with him. I sent my previous guy a long text saying everything unsaid and decided to put myself out there and 2 weeks later my fiance arrives. Then I repeat my same pattern.
Whenever I feel hot and cold, I decide to forgive myself. I'm only human, I make mistakes and I'm sure I'll make plenty more during my lifetime. Can't beat myself over it, if I can't forgive myself no one will. In such cases I'm trying to tell myself that I love myself and even with doubts I can get what I want.

I've seen a lot of people in the forum commenting on how being able to "live in the end" has worked wonders. So many success stories, all have different methods. I guess that's good news for us, because it only means all of them work as long as we have faith in ourselves and our end results

Also something super cool happened. I love doing weights. One thing in my list is winning amateur competition this year. I work out quite a bit, some complications with my gym as I mentioned in my previous post so I keep crashing around in different gyms from time to time lol. I also go for boxing sessions and I've noticed I get a LOT of attention from the men there. Don't get me wrong, I'm farrr from the fitness model figure lol but I enjoy my workouts and I don't mind getting bruised or bruising my partners and by god I get too much attention. Even from men I'd once consider way out of my league.
Anyway I stumbled upon a poster for amateur weight lifting competition this Sunday and I'm so tempted.