Hi Folks.

A little tipsy and very depressed while writing this, so I apologize if it affects anything.

A little over a month ago I wrote my first post here. It was full of positivity and hope, sharing the little manifestations I'd had and hoping for my big one, the manifestation of my ex, who left me at he end of November. At the time, I had just discovered the LOA and Neville Goddard, and was really, truly believing I could change things. For a short while, I felt so happy and powerful. I poured my energy into myself, eating right and working out, reframing negative thoughts into positive affirmations, trying to stop my internal doubt and negative stories. If I started to doubt I would say; "I intend that he wants to be with me, that he loves me, that he misses me, that this is easy, that I can detach and it comes easily to me...." and so on.

The week of Valentine's Day, I felt great, monitoring my thoughts and feelings and battling doubt that might pop up. I set my intentions: I would get two V-Day messages, one from my ex and one from my father, who has sent me a message every year since I moved out of the house. I figured that even if the message from my ex didn't come through, the other was a safe bet, right? Wrong. My father was so busy with work that for the first time in years he forgot to send me a message. The other message didn't come through either. I tried to stay grateful and hopeful, but I couldn't help it: I crashed. My faith was shaken. Worse, a bunch of negative things appeared in my life instead, from problems at my job to problems with my home. I struggled to change my thoughts to positive ones, and I just felt low and sad and frustrated.

Today (well yesterday technically) was my birthday. It sucked, I had to work and I just felt sad and frustrated, even though I got lots of wonderful messages from friends and family, wore clothing that made me feel pretty, got my hair done yesterday and felt gorgeous, did a really great workout, and my housemates treated me to a great dinner and a movie I had wanted to watch for ages. I just couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness. My intentions for a birthday text from my ex once again went unanswered. I'm sad and lonely, and I don't want to feel that way on my birthday. If I couldn't manifest him when I felt so powerful, how could I manifest him now? I feel like doing this has become unhealthy. I have tried to not obsess, but I don't know if I'm teetering on that edge. I miss him so much, the lack is just so strong. I have tried to bring my value back to myself, to work on myself, but I don't feel confident or powerful at all anymore. Tonight is the first time in 2 months I go to bed not saying affirmations or listening to subliminals or doing visualizations. The Universe has heard me, but if it's listening I don't know. I'm just so tired and broken and I don't know what to do. I can't figured out my blocks or resistance and I'm so tired of trying. There are days where I can't visualize his eyes or hear his voice anymore....

Any advice would be helpful.

Last edited by harpier (3/08/2019 1:03 am)