Hi all, 

I just joined this forum as I am in need of help. I searched for information on my issue but have yet to find anything. I'll try to keep only the main details but I know this is still going to end up very long.

In the last part of 2018 I became incredibly depressed, I thought I hated my life, relationship, everything...I was craving adventure and constantly bored. I decided to manifest a celebrity into my life to sweep me off my feet and take me overseas. In two weeks I was seeing signs that things were changing. Things degraded between my boyfriend and I, to the point where I could no longer say 'I love you', which I confessed to him when he asked if I still cared.

My boyfriend gave me a week (over Christmas while I was at my parents) to think about whether I truly loved him, and whether I wanted to try to revive the relationship. He said he would accept whatever decision I made (he has always been an incredibly selfless person towards me). I felt so confused. I thought I should be happy to be breaking up because I had willed it to happen but it didn't feel right at all. At the beginning of the week I asked my spirit guides for clarity. The day before we planned to have 'the talk' I got it. 
It was as if a black fog lifted from my mind and I saw everything clearly. I finally saw that I had been suppressing my emotions - from EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I did not feel empathy for my boyfriend at all in the month leading to the breakup when I saw that my actions were clearly hurting him. I did the same thing to my mother in 2017, so I was surprised I didn't see the signs of my regression this time.
I suddenly remembered what an amazing person he is, how he has stood by me through two years of trying to deal with previous depression as a result of being sexually assaulted (happened before I met him). We haven't had sex in two years. He never pressured me, but occasionally would ask if we could try again if I wanted to. He is the most wonderful person in the whole world who deserves to be happy and loved. 
We broke up on the 28th December 2018, so merely a week has passed. It was all his decision. I said I wanted to try, but he said the fact that I don't want to have kids was too strong and would come up again as an issue anyway. I am also his first real relationship (he's 27, I'm 29 but have had three relationships now), and he mentioned he was looking forward to being single, experimenting, having sex with other people. I totally understand this because he never really did that before we met.
For the last part of our relationship I was nothing but selfish and completely ignored his needs and feelings. I am doing my best not to entirely blame my depression, take responsibility for my actions, but it is so hard because I lost a 5 1/2 year relationship that means the world to me. I am slowly, slowly trying to let that massive regret go.

I believe that this is an opportunity for me to finally come to terms with myself, and perhaps the universe had actually planned all of this anyway. I can't believe how much I have learned about myself in the past week. I have completely rethought all of my priorities in life, which now match up perfectly with my boyfriend's before the split. I've been mainly watching Agnes Vivarelli's videos and am awaiting her coaching, and am just getting into Veronica's videos today also. 

Meditation has helped me a lot. For the first three days I did nothing but howl and cry. Then I realised that this was my problem all along - I was not happy, I was not in love with myself. I knew it back then but ignored it. So I am on a self-love quest. I know it won't be easy, but to be honest, in one week I am feeling much better in my own skin. 
I am already working on manifesting him back into my life, why not get into the habit of it, but it is quite difficult at the moment as we will be living together until our lease is up in mid-March. I'm not entirely sure how to go about that, and I also realise it won't happen until I totally let go. If anyone has any advice for my particular situation that would be great.

My main question is (so sorry it took long to get here) this: I am going back into therapy, and undoubtably my feelings before the breakup will be discussed, as will the breakup itself. My problem is, I remain living and acting as if he is my boyfriend. I feel if I talk to my therapist about being broken up and moving on that will hinder my manifestation as I am acknowledging things are over out loud. I also don't know if I should be telling her about my manifestation intentions and my total belief in LOA in general. I feel I should be completely honest with my therapist, but perhaps I should just ask her to help me with the self love??
I wonder if anyone else has been in a similar situation.

Thank you so much for reading and your advice