Hello, I want to start by saying writing has never been my strength, so please excuse me if my post is not spaced correctly. I will try and do my best to make it easy for everyone to read so I can get some much-needed advice. 

So I’m hoping I can get some advice on here. My situation for the past year has been my ex and I live in the same apartments and share mutual friends. We broke up in August of  2017 when I managed to manifest a third party very quickly. While we were together I tried to remain positive but I had a neighbor/mutual friend of ours always telling me not so pleasant things about the person/slash his friend I was with. I tried to fight off allthe he said she said I was hearing but eventually it got the best of our relationship. I’ve never felt someone was my soulmate until I’ve met him. Since our breakup, in August I’ve had to witness him on his 3rd girlfriend since me. All of our mutual friends have told me to move on and just pretend it doesn’t bother me and just continue to be kind to him. They feel I shouldn’t allow the situation to keep me from my friends.

The 3rd party I manifested back in August ended up being someone he really fell deeply for and moved her in after 2 weeks of knowing each other. I was devastated. Things lasted for a couple of months with them but suddenly ended because I had texted him to ask why he treated me as such. I’ve known about LOA for many years at this point, but put any energy into putting it into use in my life even though I have a friend who is a huge life coach who teaches LOA and always saw hundreds of success stories. The part I didn’t know at the time was I really didn’t need to seek an apology from him for his actions. He did respond to my messages and the next day I started to get text messages from his girlfriend.. at the time I was really hurt that he allowed her to text me from his phone and realized he must really love her if he allowed her to text me. A couple weeks later he sent me a voice message apologizing saying he was sleep and he didn’t know she had gone through his phone. That situation caused issues in their reloads he broke it off with her.


Shortly after that, he started dating someone new and she became his girlfriend. I would see them once in awhile waiting for an Uber. As I focused so much on not wanting to see him with these new women, of course, I manifested seeing it often. A little after he started dating her he would come around our friend group more by himself and we started being cordial and ended up being friends again. I knew that it was wrong considering he was in a relationship but my heart just wanted to be with him. We started hanging around more and doing things that couples do like dinner, movies, bike rides, dancing, cuddlingetc etc.

During this time he would always tell me we are just friends and he doesn’t see me in a romantic way anymore but he enjoys the times we spend with each other and he considers me one of his closet friends. That he likes our friendship the way it was and he was never going to run off in the sunset with me. Needless to say, we were doing everything we did when we were a couple including being intimate with each other. The thing this time around he would not kiss me, he said kissing is emotional and he doesn’t have those feelings for me. His new girlfriend somehow got wind of my name I’m not sure how and sent an IG message to our mutual friend she had only met once and asked if I and her boyfriend were still messing around. Our friend sent us a screenshot and told us to keep us out of our drama. He ended up breaking up with her that night because he felt she crossed the line reaching out to his friend and getting him involved. Once he broke it off with her me and him would hang out with each other 3 to 6 nights a week. He made sure to constantly tell me we are only friends and he would never run off in the sunset with me. I knew eventually he would start dating other women and start spending less time with me. So, of course, I manifested it and I started expressing negativity towards him in our text telling him he is using me and he doesn’t respect me etc etc.

It was hard always hearing him tell me he doesn’t see me in a romantic way and he will never run off in the sunset with me even though his action showed different with all the time we spent with each other and him still paying for everything. If he was out on a date he would totally ignore my text and lie to me and say he wasn’t on a date. Then there would be times he would throw in my face he isn’t my boyfriend we are just great friends and he cares about me as a friend only. Now he has a new girlfriend who brings out a different side in him. He started pointing out how negative I am and all my flaws once they got together because she is really nice and catering to him and let him and doesn’t give him any issues. She is 7 years younger then him 25 and he is about to turn 32. I am older than him I just turned 41 but everyone always thinks I’m in my late 20’s and I always attract younger men.

I’ve had to put a fake smile on my face whenever I see them even though I notice he is much different from her and more affectionate then I’ve seen before and it hurts me deeply. I am always very nice to her and we have had just general conversations with each other, but whenever he tries to speak to me I give just ignore him and talk to everyone else around us. I won't give him any eye contact or anything. I notice when she isn’t around he try’s and talk to me much more on a level like we are just best of friends. I still ignore him. He did thank me at one point for being nice to his new girlfriend because he projects such negativity on me he thought I would be mean or something. I decided against my friends will that I will no longer come around because their advice isn’t working for me to put on a fake smile. It has done nothing but deplete my energy and compare myself to the other women and wonder why he is so different with them. It’s like I would take notes in my mind saying things to myself like he didn’t do that for me or he didn’t treat me that way.

This weekend I ran into my friends and him and her at the pool being all loving kissing and touching each other so I left. I texted him one day it will not be awkward between us and he blocked me. When I went back down to the pool he came near me to grab his phone and I told him he didn’t have to block me I wasn't going to text him and I didn’t want him anymore. I just don’t understand why try and talk to me when she isn’t around but block me the first time I texted you in 2 months. I was doing so good and this has set me back. I don’t know why I think he is my soulmate. A part of me thinks I’m stupid for wanting someone who treated me this way and it hasn’t even been a full year yet. It’s like a manifested him back once but I feel all hope is lost now that he has found her.

No one ever understood why I was with him because to them I am very beautiful and classy and he is nerdy and very eccentric super smart. Whenever I and he would be out guys would always hit on me because they thought he was just a friend based on our looks. My friends also tell me he couldn’t handle the attention I get and couldn’t handle not being able to have complete control over me by not questioning him if I felt something was off or wrong. They all notice he seems to really fall for the women he can have complete control over and don’t question him. He has told me in the past I was the only person he was with that he couldn’t fully read or know if I was into him. All the women after me have shown him that they are completely into him. I never meant to come off standoffish to him.

In the past, I just had so many men after me for my beauty and my natural sex appeal so I’m always a little skeptical in the beginning. Women look at me and think it’s easy for me based on my looks but they don’t realize it’s been the total opposite. I’m sorry my post is so long. I would love any advice anyone is whiling to give me. Thanks

FYI I have read plenty of books and YouTube videos and I do good for a while then fall into bad thoughts again.