Drogon wrote:

I'm not here for an ex. I have this crush on a girl and I know all that I have to do. I think. Now when I think about her I get this anxious, longing feeling. How do I change That?

Well, first I’d suggest you try identifying why you feel anxious. Is it because you feel you aren’t good enough for her? Is it because you aren’t happy in the current moment and feel you need your desire right now? Once you figure that out, work on changing that feeling. You should feel relaxed and happy about your desire.

Drogon wrote:

Yea. I feel pretty insecure most days. I tried loa before a couple years ago with an ex. Looking back I never did any of the steps for me. It was just to get her back. Ultimately I ended up creating utter chaos in my life.

My question is how can I be more secure with myself? How can I find what is blocking me from being who I want to be? I'm tired of not being enough.

Well every possibility exists within consciousness. So you literally can be whoever you want to be. Maybe you just believe you can’t? If you can imagine it, that means it’s a possibility that can be manifested physically. Finding love for yourself and your life is a personal journey. I’ve been able to find more of it through discovering what makes me feel happy and not comparing myself to other people. The only person you need to be enough for is yourself. Reality and other people only reflects you, so if you are enough for yourself, you will be enough for other people too because of what you believe about yourself.

Drogon wrote:

Yea I get that and it makes me feel good in some reality I have my happiness. What I don't get is I've never taken such good care of my body before. I'm the healthiest I've ever been. I finally have some long term goals set for me and am on the track of fulfilling my life's work. I have a cool car that I get complimented on. I'm funny and people who get past my shy exterior love me.... but it all feels so empty to me. What am I missing?

 
A couple of possibilities have come to mind. Are you doing these things for you or because somebody else wants you to or expects them of you? Other people who get to know you may love you, but do you love you? Has somebody knocked your self-confidence or self-esteem and maybe you need to get them back, or get them if you've never had them?

Loving myself is often fleeting. Some days I'll just feel great and able to truly feel good about myself. Those days are far and few between. I used to tell myself such awful things. For a good span oF three years I consistently downed myself. I developed an avoidance of social situations. I became socially awkward from multiple experiences. I smoked all the time and so much of the time I forgot who I really was and only made my self loathing worse. I just got dry again after drinking every night for four years. I would even hide my drinking from my partners and friends. There we many days I would wake up and just start drinking.

I'm better ish now. I don't hate myself consciously, but I definitely don't love myself the way I should.

I would also like to think the decisions I've made are for me. I kind of don't really know anymore. I mean I'm satisfied for the most part with the things I do. There's just always that empty, something missing feeling, however.

I've had a couple shots to my confidence. I think my first big hit was a breakup after high school that started my downward spiral. Then I had a recent break up that really got me. I was honestly ready to do the unthinkable. I know a lot of my happiness depends on if I'm with someone. I'm tired of that I don't want it to be that way anymore and that's a part of why I've been single for two years now. I want to find my full feeling, but I'm stuck. I honestly don't know remember how to feel complete on my own anymore. I'm always hungry for the next thing.

Yea... that's not rwally an option for me. Is there a way I can meditate it out?