Berry wrote:

He's both. He can be the sweetest most romantic man. Or he could be abuisve. That's why I'm so stuck and contused. If I focus on him being sweet I miss him and find myself depressed. If I focus on his abusive tendencies to help me heal and feel we weren't meant to be I will push him away (loa says so).
I'm confused. I love him regardless of everything because not everyone is perfect. I still want him and only him. I still want to manifest him. I love him!

Apart from what I've already mentioned, aren't you the one who referred to yourself earlier as 'broken'? Well, you've got to fix yourself first before you can fix this relationship. Look within and ask yourself what contributions you could have made to the break up of this relationship, and then work on changing these things in yourself. This is not to find fault with yourself or blame yourself in any way, it is so you can grow as a person for your own benefit, but also will help in having a much better relationship in future when you don't repeat the same mistakes, whether it's with your SP or somebody else.  What you see and feel on the inside is what you get on the outside. I don't know what it's been for you. It could be any number of things, but it's always some sort of belief, conscious or subconscious, that creates your experiences for good or ill. 

One of the biggest mistakes I see people making is wanting and trying to rush back into a relationship that has broken up without assessing what went wrong and giving themselves time to heal and for the relationship to heal before even trying to come back together again. Isn't it more important to have a great, long lasting relationship with somebody, even if it takes some time to get to that point, than to rush to get together and have everything go horribly wrong all over again because nothing has really changed in the meantime?.
 

Last edited by Cynthia (5/07/2018 1:05 pm)

Update.

There has been no contact since however I have been doing some rS here and there (but not enough) and have really been trying to believe and feel that he will come back to me or choose me.

Anyway the last time I spoke to him he had decided to date someone else. That's what has kept me so strong in not contacting him or going after him.
Well- today I came across him on a dating app! The pictures are new. He didn't see me as I did not use my real name or upload a picture.

This means he isn't seeing anybody after all.

I do however still feel a bit strange that it didn't work out with her yet he still didn't come back to me. That is my biggest fear at the moment!