Hi All.
This is long - please forgive me. I feel that I need to explain the nuts and bolts since this is slightly different of a situation. (side note: any of you ladies who are in the same boat as me, I would love to connect) I'm struggling with this. Thank you SO much in advance for reading all of this. 

The relationship & breakup
I believe I manifested my ex into my life back when we started dating, and he manifested me. We were each other's dream partner. 2.5 years together, best friends, fated, etc. All the things either one of us could hope for in a partner. My story is slightly different than what I've found a lot of advice for - I was independent, I was never needy, in fact, it was more the other way around... so basically his neediness (or so I perceived it to be) repelled me. In truth, I did still have some self work to do because instead of accepting his love and allowing myself to be happy, I continued to pine for someone who had rejected me years before. I didn't act on anything, but my needing that old ex's validation was in the back of my mind... and I believe appeared on some of my 'new moon' intentions which I wrote each month and left out on my windowsill. Fast forward to the end of our relationship: My boyfriend had moved in during a stressful period of both of our lives. I was back in school and never home, when I was I was moody and probably made him feel unwanted, I was on 3 hours of sleep/night. I'm afraid that during all of those hours that he was alone in our apartment, he may have nosed around in my new moon scribblings or in my journal. Since he doesn't write new moon affirmations, he may have confused something I was trying to manifest as something that was actually happening in real life (seeing my ex). Not that it makes it any better that I was still thinking about someone from my past, but the truth of the matter is, I was never going to actually get in touch with that person, that person never loved me, and my wanting his approval was purely out of insecurity and had become a habit to just automatically feel that I needed that. I'd like to clarify here, yes it might be wrong for my ex to read my personal stuff, but if he felt unsafe in the relationship and was trying to protect himself because he sensed something was up- well I can forgive that and I understand. I was acting like a monster.

Post-breakup
So - ex breaks up with me abruptly, overnight he leaves me, quits his job, and moves back home with his parents. I was devastated, and beyond depressed. I take a long time to reach a point where I can start to recover from the abandonment, and in the last 2 months I've started to be happy again. It's been about 9 since we broke up.  I can see with clarity now, that my offenses were acting moody, withholding affection at times, and not releasing my past. Over the last 9 months, I've worked on myself a LOT. Therapy, purging belongings, meditating on cord cutting from my past, I even sold all of my furniture and left the city to live in nature where I knew I would be more grounded and true to my real self (my inner being). I started actively doing more LOA stuff in the last month, tons of affirmations, tons of self love, sending love, rubbing out (there's a 3rd party now), doing things that make me happy, working VERY hard on self love, getting my finances in order, everything. I've never worked so hard on myself before. I finally feel not so desperate, but I KNOW that this is the person I am meant to be, and that life just got in the way. 

Post break up: Did a normal amount of expressing sadness, some grand gestures, and a lot of respecting his space. he never reached out to me again on his own after he left. This is very strange behavior for him. He absolutely adored me, and never made me feel bad one single time the whole 2.5 years that we were together. I've never been treated so nicely by another human being, or felt so incredibly safe and loved. He on the other hand, felt taken for granted and at times I can understand why. Part of this was my behavior towards him, and part of it is his perspective on himself - he could probably stand to watch "everyone is you pushed out" a few times. He put me first and I never asked him to do that. He never made plans with friends unless I did first. I was high up on a pedestal that no human could ever live up to because we are flawed creatures. I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be.

BUT. I love him. I love that man more than anything on this earth. 

And finally, my question:
My question is: I'm feeling really good with the affirmations, I'm feeling a true believing in his love for me, and that things will work out with us in the end. I know people get back together all the time, and I'm sure we're one of those cases. The thing is, if he's under the impression that either A. I was being unfaithful (when I wasn't), or B. that he thinks my bad attitude was the other shoe dropping and that I will never change, then he won't ever reach out to me again. I know that's negative speak, but he was hurt and he is a sensitive creature. The last time we spoke, I told him I was leaving the city, and wanted to see him. He said he didn't think it was a good idea, that he was seeing someone. When I tried to plead my case, he sounded flustered and like I was putting my needs first and not listening to him. He said he felt put on the spot. I said, well, we haven't spoken in months, of course you feel put on the spot. He said, ok, well can I at least think about it. I said yes. I told him that things ended really abruptly and that I had a lot unresolved feelings and wanted to talk to him in person because I felt stuck. It's been a month. Have not heard from him. 

So - basically - DO I REACH OUT TO HIM again? I am positive that if we speak in person I will be able to A. clear the air, B. tell him to his face all the work I have done to deal with my issues, and C. show him with my new found glow of self love that I am still the same woman he fell in love with and wanted to be with forever. Currently, I have myself on a manifesting power week - where I am believing that I will hear from him because I would really rather he came to the dicision on his own to see me than to feel like I'm pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do. 


What do you guys think?