That's great, because your reaction is showing you exactly where you are coming from and what you have to work on. Ask yourself the question: Who am I in relationship to that person in order to freak out in that way? How had my reaction been, if I already were the person I want to be? Please answer this question for yourself before you read on and I answer them for you (and feel free to share your answers).

So, here it comes: I assume you want a relationship with that person. So if you were the person you want to be, you had a happy relationship with him. What would this state imply? Well, you probably wouldn't feel drawn to join a dating site in the first place, so you wouldn't find his profile and you had no reaction to it, simply because it didn't exist in your experience. But lets say for whatever reason you had looked at the site and found his profile..what would your reaction be like? Depends on the relationship and who you are besides the relationship. I can imagine a few scenarios. Scenario one: You assume that this is an old profile of him and he just didn't delete it, because he forgot about it or it just wasn't important to him - doesn't hurt anybody, when it's still there, right? You wouldn't have much of an emotional reaction. The basic feeling being it would be trust that he is faithful. Scenario two: You become a little bit jealous. You start questioning him and your relationship. You maybe feel betrayed or insecure. Dependent of what kind of person you are, you decide to talk to him about it or you leave it and just worry a bit or try to find out more without asking directly (not the ideal route to take, but an imaginable reaction). Scenario three: You freak out (notice that this freaking out feels very different than the freaking out you talk about in your post). You are mad at him, you feel betrayed, you call him immediately and ask him what this is all about. That are just three reactions that are natural from the state of being in a relationship and finding a dating profile.
I bet that the freaking out that you describe feels more like anxiety, because you aren't coming from the state of having a happy relationship with him. You are coming from the state of "Oh noooo, he left me and now he is looking for another girl and when I don't hurry up, he will be gone foreeeeeever". From that state, your reaction is natural. In fact, you cannot react in any other way, because your reaction is determined by your state. The only thing you have to do is to change your state. Right now, you feel something to be true that you don't like. That's what you have to change. It's all an inside job. The moment you see a problem on the outside, you just see the result of the real problem within you.

You didn't quite understand what I was pointing to. I try again.

meredithanne90 wrote:

 I noticed immediately that while understandably it’s a natural reaction, I calmed down because I realised I’ve done the same thing with another ex (my first one) and this is an exact repeat of that.

This reaction is natural for the STATE you are currently in and that's being his ex gf. If you had seen a stranger you hadn't that reaction. If he wasn't your ex you hadn't that reaction. So it's your concept of yourself in relationship to him that let you react this way. And this state, this concept of yourself is the very reason why you are apart from each other. So it's worth noticing.

meredithanne90 wrote:

Well technically I’m an ex on appearances, but I like to think I’m still his girlfriend and focus on the end result

You aren't only an ex on appearances. You can think nice thoughts and say you focus on the end, but fact is that your reaction comes from the state of being his ex girlfriend and that's the only thing that matters. You only get what fits your state. That's why so many people here fail. They are affirming "I am with him now. He is deeply in love with me." all day long, but they ARE still his ex girlfriend. And to make that clear: With being his ex girlfriend, I don't mean the physical "facts" that he broke up with you and bla. I mean what you feel you are and that's clearly  his ex. You show that undeniably with your reaction to what you saw. And again that's a good thing, because it's showing you where you are coming from, where you need to go and why you are still where you are.

meredithanne90 wrote:

I think I need to let go of the anxiety and negativity because these thoughts become reality, if I put too much energy into thinking about it- thoughts become things, if we invest too much time in this. I need to focus on self love, take him off the pedestal and trust in the universe like I did before because we are already back together, I need to keep believing that and become more detached.

Let me debunk some stuff here that isn't serving you. I have bought into it long enough myself, so I know what I am talking about. I had to dug through all this **** for ages in order to get to the core of what really works.
Anxiety and negativity don't become your reality. Thoughts don't become things. All of that come from a state. When you ARE a grumpy person, you can't help but be negative and think negative thoughts. You can try very hard to be a grumpy person and think shiny happy unicorn thoughts, but it won't last long and it will feel fake. I bet we have all been there and wondered why we couldn't feel happy about the thoughts we think and why we couldn't maintain these thoughts for very long. That's because these thoughts didn't belong to our state. The state is what manifests. When you feel yourself to be rich then you attract money in your experience and you will have thoughts like "What should I buy today? I love spending money". You can think those thoughts from feeling poor, but you won't be able to "make them feel good", because this thoughts feels naturally bad and fake for a person that IS poor. Again, I am not talking about phyiscal riches here, I am talking about states, what you feel to be true about yourself.
Another thing is self love...well, yeah, self love is nice and important, but it ain't a thing to do with manifesting and at a certain point it has no relevance anymore, because self love is based on feeling seperate - obvious now that I mention it, right?
The universe...I really would drop that. It is not serving you at all to believe in a power outside of you. YOU are God. You are what creates EVERYTHING. There is no universe. Don't give your power away to anything. I used that term for a long time, because I thought it was arrogant or blasphemic to claim that I AM God. But it's the truth and everything else is denying who I am and giving my own power away. If you choose to believe in an universe, you will always wonder when the universe is bringing your stuff, if the universe heard your request, if the universe listens to what you want or what others want. You feel small and seperate. And you aren't. You are what gives life to everything. You create every single circumstance, every single person, every single everything in your experience and you do it with so much ease that you don't even notice it. Do you really want to give credit for that to some universe out there?
You need to keep believing that you are together? Well, I already told you that you obviously don't believe that. What you have to do is to start to move in a different state. And being detached..what does that even mean? Do you know? I don't.

meredithanne90 wrote:

How had my reaction been if already were the person I want to be?
Well, I’d be different naturally, I wouldn’t be reacting with such anxiety, I would be in complete control of my emotions and oblivious to what was in front of me and treat it like it is a figament of my imagination and really believe that there is a version of us that already exists where we are happy and together. The universe will work with me to make this happen and I am expectant to see such results. I would spend more time being in a happy state and not worry about a third party or any insecurity because I am already loved by him.

I didn't mean if you were a "better" person. I just meant if you were the version of you who had her desire. You could be an emotional mess and giving all power to outside circumstances - as long as you would believe that you are the person being in that relationship and don't doubt, nothing could get you out of it. I meant it more like...Imagine you have something like an out of body experience. You find yourself bodiless in a scene where you watch another version of yourself that is together with the guy you want. If you would now go into her body, what would be you experience? How would she see the world? What would she feel about the guy? What would her focus be? You will notice that she has a very different perspective. When you look at the guy and she looks at the guy, it feels very different. You are in different states. She is in the state of being in a happy relationship with him. That's what she feels to be true. It's really like you both are standing in the same room, but you cannot have the same perspective until you stand on the same spot. You have to move in consciousness to where she is standing. You have to become, embody her. You have to jump into that perfect version and play the part of that girl in there while forgetting that you are just playing it, if that makes sense. That's real belief.

meredithanne90 wrote:

If I was the person I want to be and in a happy relationship with him. My state would be pure love and happiness to the universe and a lot of gratitude for the fact I am with him and how I blessed I am. I wouldn’t be anxious, insecure or jealous because I know that I am in a happy relationship, I would be upbeat and radiating a lot positivity and trusting of the universe. I wouldn’t worry anymore.

I doubt that to be honest. Maybe the first week. But then, daily life kicks back in. Maybe you have an argument, maybe you are a little upset because he didn't call, maybe one evening you think you would prefer to meet up with a friend instead of seeing him. The shiny version you describe is what you see FROM where you are standing now. You are looking at that happy couple in the room and you think "aaaw, that would be so nice". But what you want to do is become part of that couple and from that new perspective, not everything is shiny anymore. You have stuff coming up you don't think about from your current perspective like "****, I hope I am not pregnant" or "Do we really have to spend the weekend at your mother's?". You would look at the world differently, if you would become the person who is with this guy. You would respond to the world differently. You wouldn't talk about how you want a relationship. You have the relationship. That's nothing you are interested in anymore. "Darling, I would really want to be in a relationship with you" would a very strange thing to say while you are in a relationship with the person you are talking to.

meredithanne90 wrote:

I resonate with scenario 3 except I didn’t contact him because I know that’s coming from a place of desperation and I’ve already learnt my lesson last year, I don’t do it because neediness means not letting go. It was definitely anxiety, i felt and everything else you mentioned. I know now that what I need to focus on is loving myself which I do, but I don’t do enough of I think, I meditate everyday and do gratitude because it keeps me grounded. This is the first time I freaked out after learning LOA.

It's not about your physical reaction. It's about how you had reacted, if you were in a relationship. It were just examples for how you could react from the state of being in a happy relationship with him. Would be creepy, if you would call him and want him to explain.  From the state of being in a happy relationship you probably hadn't been in that situation in the first place anyway. So it was already "too late" to react from that state. But you can choose to move states anytime and if you stay in the new place, results are inevitable like you get right now the results of your current state.

meredithanne90 wrote:

Thanks Sanshi I think it makes sense now. I realise I need to embody the fact I’m already in this relationship and act as if I am in terms of thoughts and emotional state. I did believe earlier, I just think the my anxiety and fear was playing with my head earlier. When I said detach I meant like letting go of being so attached to the outcome. How do we move from this state? I mean would personally do things I enjoy because it raises my vibrations.

You don't have to act as if. When you are in the right state, the fitting thoughts and emotions flow automatically. And if you had been in the state before, you hadn't experienced fear and anxiety - why would you? And how can you be attached to the outcome, when it's already there? When you are already the person who is living it? Doesn't make sense. The only thing you have to detach yourself from is the old state of being his ex gf.

Let me ask a question. How does raising your vibration change your state in regards to your ex? When you do things that make you happy, do you become his girlfiriend by doing that? No, of course not. It may change your concept of yourself and that will bring different experiences to you, but as long as you stay in the state of being his ex, you can be ecstatic and nothing will change towards him. People who have success with this BELIEVE that it will bring their person back. But it's not the feeling good, it's the belief in its effectiveness. Think about it. Lets say you are sick and someone gives you a pill and tells you this will heal you, what happens inside of you? You believe it. You feel instant relief and you shift your consciousness. You may say that you know that you WILL be healthy, but in that moment you already are healthy - that's the state you are shift to. You are convinced that this will help, so you don't dwell in the state of being sick anymore. Why would you? You already know that you are healed. It's the same with all other seeming causes. Raising your vibration is one of them. But you need to believe in it. It doesn't work for itself. It works, because people think it works. For me, it didn't work, because I was sceptical about it.
When you shift into a happier state, your life becomes happier in general and that's great, go for it. But it's not what brings a specific person back. What brings the specific person back is always a shift of your state. If you can find an excuse to believe in that, use it. If not, watch yourself doing it on other things. I bet you know the difference of remembering something or reliving the situation again in your mind. When you relive something, you have shifted your state in that moment. When you come back, you usually shift back to where you are. That's what you have to do here, but without coming back. Find a scene that gives you the feeling of having it now and then take that feeling with you.

Last edited by Sanshi (1/05/2018 9:14 am)

Laura1234 wrote:

Sanshi, when it isnt about act as if and doing things who do us happy so I dont understand.. can we still stalking him on social pages even thought it give us negative feelings, can we still cry when I miss him and dont try change our mood and even thought we can have a relationship with our loves when we will in right state? I dont understand what neville teach and in my country his books isnt translate so Im lost in this his opinions.. I want be happier alone I want do a things which make me happy because of me but as you write it doesnt mean that these things will bring our loves back. So I really dont know what I have do..

How much success have you had so far with facebook stalking, crying and missing him? It should be really obvious to you after 1 1/2 years that this isn't the way to go and I have honestly no clue from what of what I wrote you got that this is the way to go. I am talking about being in a state of a happy relationship. Do you think facebook stalking, crying about a loss and missing someone comes from a state of happy relationship with that person?
It's not about acting as if, because acting as if is faking it. This is about you. You have to change you. Acting as if is trying to change something by faking it without having to change yourself. That doesn't work. It's about becoming it. How would you feel, if it were true? And again, it's not emotion. It's the feeling of certainty.
From a state of happy relationship, you can experience all kind of emotion. You are happy when you meet your person. You are sad when you argue with them. You miss them when you can't see them (notice that missing someone in a relationship is very different than the missing you mention - you know that you see them again very soon). You are angry at them when they did something you weren't okay with. All those emotions come from the state of happy relationship. And your job is to get into that state. How do you know that you are in? You react to the world in a way that fits your state. Your thoughts, feelings and actions reflect your state. 
If you want to be happier on your own, be it - but don't use it as a tool to get him back. Do it for yourself.
 

Laura1234 wrote:

 
I have a few success ..I manifested a few messages even thought I was sad. , I manifested that he unblocked me on facebook even thought I controlled it every day a.. so this is cause Im confused how I attracted these positive things even thought that I wasnt in good state..etc ..I just imagined these things but I was desperate and they were manifested.. so I dont understand..
Ok so fo eample what I have do when I see him? And I want feel that I already have a relationship with him ?I see him sometimes in the bar and I want be with him so much. But when I had a relationship with him so I would be calm that I see him and I wouldnt worry that he doesnt sitting near me ?
When Im at home so I have to feel that I have a relationship with him even thought I dont text with him ? I dont know I can do it..

But a relationship and a text are two different things.  You can feel that it's possible to get a text, but impossible to be in a relationship with that person. And as I said, it's not about the emotion. Being sad doesn't mean anything, it's the state from which it comes. When you feel that it's impossible to get a text, you can be as happy as you want and you won't ever get a text. When you are sad about not being together but believe that it's possible that you get a text you can get a text. One thing has nothing to do with the other.

It's never about doing, it's about feeling. You don't interact with him in a certain way. It's just your inner reaction. When you see him and your reaction is anxious, you aren't in the right state. When you see him and you are happy, that's the way to go. You don't have to fake anything. Sit down somewhere and know that it's done. Feeling something real is not based on anything on the outside. We use that as excuses, but you can feel to be with someone even though you don't text - obviously..you don't text with them all the time and you still know that you are together, right?