simplejoys78 wrote:

Hi, so, my situation is not exactly trying to get my ex back.  Rather, I am interested in a romantic relationship with a friend.  Here are the details: I've known My Guy (I might as well start calling him that now, right? ) for over five years.  We met at work and were friends and sexually attracted to each other for several years.  He was always, however, in another relationship and I was ending a very difficult one. Timing was never right.  He was, however, a very good friend to me.  He was there for me during what was probably the most difficult time in my life. 
About six months ago, I randomly decided to FB friend request him.  I was thinking of him, wanted to see if we could be friends again. He accepted my friend request and messaged me less than five minutes later.  We had a long, epic talk about a lot of stuff that had been said/done in the past and forgave each other for any hard feelings.  One of the things he told me was that he had always tried to "protect me."  When I asked what he meant, he said he had always tried to support and encourage me.  I realized that I had always felt supported and encouraged by him, but had never thanked him or told him so, so I finally told him.
During this "reconciliation", he was still living with a GF that he had been with for a bit over a year.  Six weeks after we came back into contact, he told me that they were broken up (she moved out three weeks later, when school ended for her children.) He told me that maybe I had been "saving myself for him." I thought this was our chance to finally see if we could work as more than friends.  He did not feel the same.  He said that he wasn't interested in anything serious with anyone right now. 
About a month later, we did meet for drinks and, honestly, we were intimate.  He was clear that this did not mean we were in a relationship.  I have no problem with that. I've been attracted to him for years, he is finally single, no harm, no foul, right?
A couple of weeks after that night, we had an argument.  I was feeling hurt that he did not want to try a relationship with me, and I felt like that was a personal insult.  I insulted his ex and he called me bitter. We questioned whether we should remain friends.  I told him that, I'm not bitter, I am simply telling him the truth.  (I am a very blunt person) and, if he was going to get upset with me every time I offer him a truth that he does not want to hear, perhaps we should not be friends.  If, however, he can realize that the things I say come from a place of love, and wanting the best for him and his children, then good, we can be friends. 
We spoke again a few days later and have been talking since then.  There is still a great deal of sexual banter (that has always worked well between us), but we have not seen each other in person again.  There have been a couple of chances, and he hasn't seemed very interested in actually meeting. He did tell me that he thought that I was "upset" after we hooked up and that it was "good news" that I was not upset.
I have always felt an epic connection with him. I have always held him apart from other men in my heart.  I have always thought that we would be amazing together.  We have our moments of mental "friction" (quibbling over semantics), which we always work out.  We complement each other well.
However, I have become discouraged as to this possibility. I feel that it seems very unlikely, at this point, and I should move on from this idea.  However, whenever I think about it, I remember that connection.  I think of all that we have been through, separately and together, and yet we still remain friends.  All this time and neither one of us has walked away completely.  I think that I need to see some positive signs that this is happening, to help me keep from being discouraged. I have good times, when I think about things he has said to me, the respect he has given me in difficult times, and how it feels to be near him and talk about life with him.

What do I do? GIve up? Or how do I get a sign if I am on the right track?

Sorry this was so long and any wisdom you can share would be much appreciated.
 

You've got to decide for yourself what you want to do and not rely on other people to tell you whether or not to give up or to look for any signs of anything. There are some people on this forum who will give you their opinions based on their own prejudices and life experiences that have nothing to do with LOA.  If you want a romantic relationship with this person, I've said it before many times, and I'll say it again.  First you have to know what you want. You don't even seem clear in your own mind as to what it is you really want. If you decide you want to have a romantic relationship with this person, then you must imagine yourself already having the relationship of your dreams in its most ideal way as if it is true right now and happening right now, ignoring everything to the contrary in your current reality.  As Neville said and proved many times himself, imagination creates reality. Imaginal acts harden into facts with persistence over time. It's like planting seeds. You have to plant them, water them, and wait for a certain amount of time for them to grow into plants or trees and not go back and dig them up to see how they're doing.  Neville himself married his second wife using his imagination, imagining them blissfully happily married to each other, and the seeming obstacles that were in his way (still being married at a time when divorces were difficult to get), stopped being obstacles, he got the divorce easily after that, and he had a long, blissfully happy marriage to his second wife.

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

You do need to decide for yourself what you want, like Cynthia says. What I would caution against is getting sexually involved with him, settling for friends with benefits (what a vile phrase but I use it for shorthand) or crumbs, in the hope it will hook him or lead to something else. You have to respect yourself, decide what you want, and not settle for less. He is sounding from your description like a bit of a player who wants nothing serious. Don't settle for bits and bobs. Remember, the whole muffin, not crumbs.

Cynthia is right, imagine what it is you want, but don't settle for bits of it on the way. 

Thank you both for your responses. I understand the reasoning in not getting involved in a fwb situation. Honestly, though, I did not get intimate with him to try to "hook him", I'm very attracted to him and wanted to have that experience with him. I've never been a fwb nor had casual sex, that's really not who I am. I'm wondering, though, if LOA wise, having a physical relationship would actually help ME in visualizing the full relationship I desire with him.
Certainly, i could believe that he is a "player". I tend to think, however, that I should be more reasonable and cut him some slack instead of jumping to that conclusion. He just got out of a relationship a couple of months ago. That relationship began immediately after another one ended. To be fair, I can truly understand why he wants to take a breather right now. I would rather give him space now and let him get his emotional bearings instead of trying to rush anything. I've waited this long, I'm willing to wait until the time is right and we are both ready. I am, however, human, and therefore do have emotional reactions sometimes, where I allow a conversation or an action (or lack of action) to get me down. I have a bit of concern that the LOA can't work for a specific person because of free will. But I am trying and have many days when I feel really good. I think about the connection we've had, the fact that we are still connected despite many things that could have ended it and I think that we are already in the relationship. Honestly, I imagine kissing him goodnight and that he sleeps next to me each night. Any other suggestions as to how to imagine/believe we are already in the relationship?

It's me who mentioned having sex to possibly hook a guy because I've seen it happen with people and seen the fallout when the guy ignores them afterwards with the girls in each case feeling worthless. Of course it's up to you.

I echo 100% what Cynthia says.

simplejoys78 wrote:

Thank you both for your wisdom. I understand what you are saying and you have valid points. Cynthia, thank you for the part where you point out that he co-created having me in his life. That's powerful and helps to give me hope.

As far as books to read or actions (affirmations, etc.) to help me get to the emotional/mental place where I can imagine this relationship in my mind to the depth that I must in order to bring it to fruition, what do you recommend? What do you find works for you? One of the online seminars I watched suggested changing passwords (computer, etc) to something that would remind me, every time I signed in, of the relationship, to easily keep it positively on my mind. I've changed my password at work to my first name with his last name, as though that were already my name. Any other tips? Do you find that repeating or writing daily affirmations helps to bring your mind into proper alignment?

Again, I thank you both for your time and your willingness to share and advise!

You're very welcome.  For everything, not just attracting love, I listen to Neville Goddard's lectures on youtube most days because he made it his life's work to teach the use of the imagination to create one's reality to other people and he was a master at doing it himself. He even used it to become blissfully happily married to his second wife, in spite of apparent obstacles and talks about that. I prefer his lectures uploaded by 100kwatt because all of the lectures I've listened to so far under that name have been in his own voice and others have been read by other people or even a computerised voice, and I much prefer to listen to Neville himself. He died 45 years ago, so the recording quality varies and is not up to modern standards, but that doesn't bother me at all. I also read his books. The Law and The Promise is my favourite because it contains many letters from everyday people who had written to him about their successful use of their imaginations in various areas of life.
There is one specifically about marrying the man of a woman's choice that I think is in chapter 3 that is very inspiring.  I saw it copied and pasted into this forum some place but don't know where. I also recommend the book Manifesting Love by Elizabeth Daniels. She did it herself and explains in detail how. The person was a friend and was living a long distance away in another country.  The first book I ever read on this subject many years ago, before I discovered Neville, was The Magic of Believing by Claude Bristol. That really inspired me. I like his other book, TNT It Rocks the Earth, as well. Dr Joseph Murphy's The Power of Your Subconscious Mind is good and his other books are similar in their content. Neville's books are in the public domain and I have heard they are free to read online, but I bought mine for my kindle because it's easier for me to read.
 
https://m.youtube.com/user/100kwatt

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=neville+goddard

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=manifesting+love+elizabeth+daniels&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Amanifesting+love+elizabeth+daniels

I do my best to make this a way of life. I'm far from perfect at it, and it can take some practice. It takes me a lot of practice. I was brought up with a lot of abuse and neglect and absolutely bombarded with and brainwashed by extreme negativity, so it may be harder for me and others with the same experience than others who had a kinder, more loving upbringing, I don't know.  Perhaps the most important thing is persistence, and that is something I am very good at.

Take care. Be strong. You can do it.  We're here for you.