Thanks guys. I'm trying really hard to do what selfloveiskey said, but I feel I'm doing it more so that I can get that miracle, rather than doing it for myself so that's something that needs to change... SLIK, Stacey, PF, thank you. Thanks guys.


A little personal thing to add, when my best friend died back in 2011, it was the first time I experienced a major anxiety attack and made me feel literally like I was going crazy... that's the best way I can explain it. It made me feel so detached from reality, not in a good way. It literally made me feel like I was mentally insane (which apparently is a false feeling that can happen when one suffers from disorders such as GAD. I'm not insane, but the feeling feels very surreal in the moment, it makes you worry that you are going insane, if that makes sense. There are many articles about it. Pretty much, it's just one way severe anxiety can manifest. One's not insane, nor are they going insane, it's simply, I guess, the best way to put it... too anxious to cope? If that makes sense?  Like, I could function very well until I had time to worry. Then I'd just worry so much that I felt terrified, I guess. It's very similar to symptoms of PSTD, and in many ways can be considered a form of PTSD (after all, he was literally like a brother. We grew up together, parents were best friends before we both were born, etc.)

So anyway, It took a long time, break free of that scary feeling (it comes with the feeling of impending doom) so it's very scary. I felt like I was "coming back into reality" so-to-speak and felt well for years. Until tonight. I woke up with the same feeling of severe anxiety and worry as if I were losing it. These PTSD-like symptoms are coming back, and I'm honestly really scared. There's no way I'm in the right mindset to get her back, but it's losing her that's causing this **** to happen to me. Just as it did when John passed away. 

I know, I need anxiety medication, and that's clearly the first step, haha! I guess, I just can't cope without having her in my life since she was such a big part of it... enough to really shake up my entire world. **** guys, beyond medication, I really don't know what to do. I've got an appointment for new meds on Dec. 13th (very hard to get an appointment) and I dunno... I guess this feeling makes me just really really scared and it makes me feel alone. So I'm just feeling really scared right now, and I guess this is me trying to get support? I dunno. Just really freaking out here, I can't go back to sleep.


Anyway, thanks so much guys! I really appreciate the help.

They're not PTSD symptoms although depersonalisation/derealisation can be part of dissociation in PTSD; that doesn't seem to be the case with you (unless you witnessed your friends death?)

It can be part of severe anxiety particularly if you have traits of other MH problems. I'd ask for your medication review to be brought forward and seek more real life support as you won't get the help you need from online forums unfortunately.