Hello all!

I have something to challenge myself with and it's to realize that I am atop the pedestal. 

To provide some background, I was pretty heavy at the start of the year before I decided to lose weight to feel better physically and mentally. After about 40lbs lost (and inches even when the weight didn't budge), I decided to try out online dating on a high and ended up talking to a guy the next day whom I felt an instant connection with. We were supposed to have a date, but he canceled on me due to a family obligation and had stated he needed to reschedule. Well, I never heard back from him. 

I can look back on what state of mind I was in, I was thinking : 
"I have nothing to wear, everything looks gross on me"
"My room is disgusting, he would NEVER want to come into my room"
"Would he even think I'm cute?"
"My skin looks terrible" 

I think you guys get the idea, I pick myself apart quite a bit. I was pretty darn hurt that he didn't get back to me, but I took some time to reflect on myself. 

"What am I holding onto?"

I took a good look at my room and hated it. A part of it because I knew so much stuff represented a past that I was no longer connected with. This includes ALOT of fat clothes that I wore simply because they hid the figure I worked so hard on. I came back to my room with huge trash bags and started throwing old clothes away that I knew weren't for me anymore. Not going to go into it, but it was a looooooooot of bags, and I mean alooooooooot. I continued to clean the other aspects of my room that held a lot of old items that were no longer useful or held meaning to me. My room is the cleanest it's ever been, a fact that I'm proud of. If you had seen it before, you would have thought I should have belonged in Hoarders or something. 

Another guy messaged me on the dating site that looked promising, I was supposed to have a date with him today, but he ended up canceling as well. I don't see this as a rejection at all, but more as an opportunity. Yes, I felt gross because I wanted to change clothes/shower etc. I wanted to feel my very best because I didn't. I had initially asked him for a later date, but I went along with his request to try and meet earlier. I felt fine with the cancellation, no disappointment at all. This and Veronica have taught me the following : 

I am perfect and have so much love for myself, I am my present and my future. 
My room is the most beautiful room I have ever walked into, it's my sanctuary and I'll treat it as such. 
I'm excited for future dates and for the ones that didn't happen in the past to happen in the future. I know both guys will get back to me. 

(Hopefully this is appropriate for this section hahaha)