I wondered what people think about this. I work hard to overcome these. I had a rubbish childhood and family background and it did cause me problems going into teenage/adulthood, in particular with relationships. I believe I've changed drastically, but when I was younger I would always expect to be rejected. 

I remember at school (this is silly, of course, we were only 11) liking a boy and him finding out, and then taking the mickey out of me for it saying he wouldn't touch me with a bargepole. Also at school I think someone said "Don't you think Megan looks like Elaine?" and the other kid said "Don't insult Elaine." I took all this personally and felt it was because of my rubbish family background. This hung around for years and years and had a drastic effect on me choosing inappropriate boyfriends and them chucking me. 

Now, all these years later, when I have grown up, overcome many, many challenges, changed as a person dramatically in terms of values, attitude, behaviour and so on, and have a wide variety of friends, when something crucial comes up, I seem to revert to this childish approach. 

For instance, I made contact with an old boyfriend of mine from many years ago who lives overseas now. We are in regular contact. When it is "his turn" to get in touch with me, and he takes a while, I start thinking stuff like he thinks I am a pain in the backside and he doesn't want anything to do with me any more.  It's silly, because often I can take a time to reply to people because of what is going on in my life. And he always DOES get in touch.

I'm wanting to get back in touch with an old mate (male, Nigel) and have tried all means of contacting him, via FB and LinkedIn and heard nothing back. So I am now questioning myself - am I just being silly to think they would want something to do with me? 

I don't know why I do it! I know that I am good company, a good friend, valuable, interesting and so on. When I talk to these people we chat and chat forever. So why would I do this?

So why does this rubbish hang around in our systems? Why do we effectively self-harm by thinking these things, because it really is self-harm. I don't do it the vast majority of the time, but I do when something "important" happens, like wanting to meet up with someone I care about, or going for jobs (the last one worked out marvellously, btw).

Now if I think "Nigel hasn't got back to me. He doesn't want anything to do with me because he thinks I am stupid/a pain in the backside/weird" I will tell myself the above - no, of course that isn't true. But how much damage do you do to yourself, the vibration and your manifestation by that, even if you think it fleetingly and then do something different to counteract that?

For example, I am reminding myself of all my good points, all I have achieved, everyone who loves me (including my animals), my good relationships at work and my general personality. 

Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (5/25/2017 6:44 am)