Avaelle wrote:

You're digging deep and brainstorming ways to get her to respond, any way at all.

Think of it this way, what if every time you reach out it pushes her ten feet further back and breaks down what she thinks of you? Even if she responds it could be a way to use you and to try to get you to go away. Is that what you want? Communication with her no matter the cost.

You should want her to come to you, want her to be attracted to you. You have to change...

I change myself, she comes back. Okay. I can try my best! Thank you.

PF, you're right I need to be better.

Good luck x

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

Good luck x

Thank you so much! <3

YesIWILL wrote:

Trying hard to stay positive. Why is this difficult?

Possibly because you are focusing on this woman instead of on you, finding reasons to contact her, thinking of how to get into a relationship with her again, worrying what she thinks, all the same stuff.

Although to stay positive, you have to be positive in the first place, and focusing on her will not allow you to do that.  I would guess that what you will really have to do, to stay positive as you put it, is work with whoever you have been seeing (doctors etc that you mentioned back in the thread) and really, really do not focus on her one little bit. Yes I know it's probably difficult. 

You really do have to let go of worrying and obsessing about her because all this is about you. That's why I brought up the content of some of your old posts, because you showed the same traits in those as you are doing now over a different person, which suggests it's you that needs the attention and focus, not the other person.

Stuff her. Who cares what she is doing?  It wouldn't matter in the long run anyway. Why should you care what she thinks or does, if you think she doesn't give a stuff about you?  Life is too short to waste it on people who don't care about you. Though I secretly think that she secretly likes the attention from you in a strange way and if it stopped, she would wonder about why. Us women are a bit like that. But you're not giving her that chance, you're in touch with her for any reason you can think of.  

Contacting her will only make it worse and give her an opportunity to view you as a pain in the bum. Stepping back will make her wonder.  

I also wonder how she would find out about what you are doing without you contacting her. Do you go to places she goes, share friends, live close by, work nearby, anything like that? She could snoop on your Facebook page, I suppose. Make her wonder and make her bloody well work, you are putting her on a pedestal, all she is is a normal woman. 

I really would like you to think about what you expect to get from contacting her. It's been a while since you broke up with her, and it's not logical that a call from you or a text is going to produce instant "I miss you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, let's get back to how it was" (or whatever happened, I don't know the circumstances of your split).  That will take a while. 

She needs time to reflect, to think about you, and to miss you. She also needs to see that you are DIFFERENT. 

I could be entirely wrong, of course, and I stand to be corrected. 

Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (4/29/2017 7:21 pm)

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

YesIWILL wrote:

Trying hard to stay positive. Why is this difficult?

Possibly because you are focusing on this woman instead of on you, finding reasons to contact her, thinking of how to get into a relationship with her again, worrying what she thinks, all the same stuff.

Although to stay positive, you have to be positive in the first place, and focusing on her will not allow you to do that.  I would guess that what you will really have to do, to stay positive as you put it, is work with whoever you have been seeing (doctors etc that you mentioned back in the thread) and really, really do not focus on her one little bit. Yes I know it's probably difficult. 

You really do have to let go of worrying and obsessing about her because all this is about you. That's why I brought up the content of some of your old posts, because you showed the same traits in those as you are doing now over a different person, which suggests it's you that needs the attention and focus, not the other person.

Stuff her. Who cares what she is doing?  It wouldn't matter in the long run anyway. Why should you care what she thinks or does, if you think she doesn't give a stuff about you?  Life is too short to waste it on people who don't care about you. Though I secretly think that she secretly likes the attention from you in a strange way and if it stopped, she would wonder about why. Us women are a bit like that. But you're not giving her that chance, you're in touch with her for any reason you can think of.  

Contacting her will only make it worse and give her an opportunity to view you as a pain in the bum. Stepping back will make her wonder.  

I also wonder how she would find out about what you are doing without you contacting her. Do you go to places she goes, share friends, live close by, work nearby, anything like that? She could snoop on your Facebook page, I suppose. Make her wonder and make her bloody well work, you are putting her on a pedestal, all she is is a normal woman. 

I really would like you to think about what you expect to get from contacting her. It's been a while since you broke up with her, and it's not logical that a call from you or a text is going to produce instant "I miss you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, let's get back to how it was" (or whatever happened, I don't know the circumstances of your split).  That will take a while. 

She needs time to reflect, to think about you, and to miss you. She also needs to see that you are DIFFERENT. 

I could be entirely wrong, of course, and I stand to be corrected. 

It seems funny.  I use to have the same issues and I can't lie, at times I still do.  Until I remind myself.    For me, it was the insecurity that people will end up leaving my life.  And if I'll ever talk to them again.    I wonder if he deals with the same insecurity about people he loving staying gone


I use to think.  That the best way to get people to contact you or stay in touch.  Was to stay in sight.     But I've realized.  Actually letting go of them and giving them space is the most likely way to get people to come back


Also, yesiwill.  I don't want to assume anything. But when you go to doctors.  Do they say anything about possibly having attachment issues?   I think there's actually a disorder of that