You're not a bad person. When you heart has been blocked with negativity and depression then there is really no way for you to fully allow love to rule how you live your life. Meditation, gratitude, and just figuring out what I like to do for myself as an independent person in my relationship fuels my heart and it is so satisfying. Keep at it, and even just when the bus shows up at the right time, or when you're driving and the light turns green and you are in a hurry that day give thanks. Your vibration raises that way. I also really like listening to Abe when I am feeling blocked because once you harness the feeling it is so easy to maintain because it is almost like a craving. 


Hope this helps =)