Hi all,

I've been lurking here for a couple of months and using LOA techniques. I was feeling quite content that my methods were working but today my hope shattered. Like many of you, I'm trying to manifest my ex back. Here's my story from the beginning:

We met in 2014 as we had mutual friends. He started chasing me but I thought he was not my type. Eventually I warmed up to him and we started dating a few months later. I didn't know about LOA back then, and now it appears that I really did manifest my own downfall. Although he was sweet and loving to me- would talk about having a future with me and marrying me. But I didn't appreciate him. I would think "he's not good enough, not handsome enough, not romantic enough, etc." I started acting like a spoiled princess because I was cocky and thought he would always like me. Guess what! Our relationship deteriorated and he told me he thinks we're not compatible, that I don't like him, that he no longer sees a future with me and that we should end things. By then I did started really liking him, and so we mended things. Our relationship became iffy and I told him I wanted to break up. He was devastated. I think our relationship was never the same after this. We developed trust issues. We got back together because we didn't want to give up on us and it was an emotional roller coaster with crying and begging (mostly me) for around 5 months until he decided he wanted a clean break in February 2016. I still think he truly loved me and I him but we had issues with our compatibility. 

It took a lot of persuasion, but he agreed to stay with me until graduation for my health and well-being because I was a desperate wreck without him. I also think he cannot deny he missed me too. We went on dates a couple times a week but we were not longer intimate with each other. He claims he struggled but we held on until graduation. At that time, he was deciding whether he wanted to pursue his dream of starting a company in California or accepting an offer in Japan. He decided to go to Japan, and I finally broke up with him and let him go in June. For the few months before he started his job in September, we behaved like a normal couple who texted every day and had pet names for each other. 

In September he moved to Japan and my world changed again. Soon after he moved there, he told me he went on a coffee date with a girl he met on Tinder. I instantly fell off the face of the Earth and he was worried sick. He spammed my phone with texts and calls and even reached out to my mom asking if I'm ok. When I appeared again, he never mentioned the date again. One week later, he accidentally texted me her photo and went into complete panic mode. He said that she is no one and he doesn't like her. I saw the photo was somewhere new.. he had been traveling with a stranger he met after one coffee. I was devastated. I cried like never before.
In my heart I thought the first girl you meet on Tinder cannot be for real, especially a girl who travels with a man after one date. I started LOA around this time.. visualization, scripting,.. acting as if was hard when I knew what was going on.

Another couple of weeks later, she had followed him on a week long business trip to the States claiming she coincidentally had a trip, too. We went out for dinner and he asked me if it's ok if he has a new gf. I cried and had a meltdown. After this, he pretended he never asked. A couple of days later he had dinner with my mom and told her he might have found someone right for him. My mom yelled at him and said that is lust and infatuation, not love. You can't possibly feel that way about someone after a month. At this same dinner he told my mom that his new "gf" would not let him talk to us anymore and lied that he met her through a friend of a friend, and not Tinder. I was heartbroken but I thought, he's lonely in Japan and he wants companionship. Their relationship cannot be what we had. His type had always been skinny and beautiful- she was chubby and not good looking. He even admitted that she's not. 

The next few months were torture for me. He would text me every day but would disappear on weekends and some nights. I feigned ignorance but I knew what was going on. My mom told me to let him go- that he's using me as backup. Inside my heart bled but I kept trying to do my visualizations and be happy... He still never mentioned her existence again to me so I thought that's a good thing, isn't it? I was ecstatic to find out from mutual friends that this girl moved from Japan to Thailand last month for a new job. I thought OMG I had made her go away! But little did I know how he would crush me today.

He had been hating his job lately and wanted to quit. I expected him to move back to California because he had told me time and time again, his life is either in California or Japan. Today he broke my heart. After 5 months of keeping her a secret from me, he said he "thinks he found someone he wants to spend his life with" and he wants to spend the next two years in Asia, maybe even move to Thailand for a new job. That hurt me so much I was reeling in shock for the next hour. But I had always feared that he would tell me, that they might be working out... maybe I had manifested this result.

So many emotions raced through me today. Doubt: I thought she had moved away so why is my worst nightmare happening? Fear: I'm so afraid I might not get my desired outcome, that all my months of trying are leading to failure. Pain: that he decided to break the news to me at my lowest (I'm going through some very terrible personal issues.) Hatred and disgust: that he is giving up his career/dream for a girl he met for 5 months. Hatred of myself for loving him. Hatred of myself for not appreciating our relationship when it was going well. Confusion: what should I do from now on? Let go or continue my LOA in good faith...? Love: this one is confusing. I should hate him right now, but why do I still want to love him? Why do I even want him?

I know that she cannot compare to me. I know she's just playing with him. She just has amazing strategy and trapped him.  I know she's not his type. I know she's controlling. I know they will not last. I know he's thinking without his brain, but with his manpart. But I am still DOUBTING and FEARING and I HATE myself for it. 

I really feel my worst nightmare came true. I feel like the universe is testing me to see if this would drive me to give up as a test of my faith. I don't know if I can still visualize and act as if after this. I don't know what to do, and would love for some encouragement, feedback, support, success stories that are similar? Would also love to be able to talk more, maybe through PM if people are open.. 

Thank you!!