Today is day 23 and I will admit to feeling a little down and low energy. Today is the first day I have really felt this way for more than brief periods.  I am fighting a cold and haven't been sleeping well so I know that is part of it. I will also admit to feeling somewhat disappointed that I haven't heard from him because I thought I would by now. Patience has never been my strong suit and I recognize where some of my panicky thoughts are coming from. I have been struggling with letting go. I don't want to approach this from a place of lack and my visualizations are clear and I don't feel like they are a chore, but sometimes, it's like I can't focus on anything else at times. For instance, I just read all 123 pages of the Pussy Whipped forum on LSA instead of working today. I don't know why I am struggling with letting go so much because I know this is working and I believe that he is getting my messages when I do PW/BWD. I re-read some of Neville's stuff about letting go and am really hoping that it sinks in! Last night I was getting a beauty treatment that totally zened me out until the last 45 minutes, where the music was depressing breakup music. I finally told my practitioner at the end that I just had a breakup and she put on some James Brown. LOL. But it was too late, I left in  a funk and haven't really shaken it. I almost feel teary and I haven't cried at all since the breakup or during it.  Yesterday I scripted for Valentine's day 2017 that he surprised me by coming to visit (long distance relationship). I am wondering if by putting a specific date on it, I am pushing my own timeline? Does anyone have thoughts on this? Normally when I script, I just write about in past tense with no date.

Anyway, today's exercise was to get a loving card. I forced myself to go to the store and pick out a card and I felt better for doing it.   I bypassed the Valentine's Day cards (and put on blinders for all V-Day stuff because it was somewhat depressing) and went for one that was just a general Love card. I enjoyed reading the love cards and finding ones that were funny, playful  or sweet. Finally I found one that was perfect for me. It was very emotional and said exactly what I wish I could have or would have let myself give him in the past.  In the past, I probably wouldn't have given him a card that was this emotional for fear of being too sappy or vulnerable. But in the past, he has definitely given me some cards that were similar. What I have learned through this process is that it's okay to be vulnerable because I have learned to love myself enough to allow that. I am not sure exactly when in life or in our relationship it started that I didn't want to show vulnerability but I am to a point where I crave being vulnerable with him. That is a constant theme in my scripting and PW about how we are both being raw and vulnerable with each other. I wrote a note, sealed it with a kiss and put it in a bag with some cards and letters I have from him that I recently came across. It was a pretty cathartic exercise and I am hoping it will raise my vibrations and get me out of this funk. This is not really like me in general.

Has anyone done this exercise? How did you feel after it? A lot of the exercises in the challenge have been so good for me.

Last edited by january (1/26/2017 9:34 pm)