Thanks Cherished

But it's true. I am taking a different route with this. He is irrelevant to me now, same with the rebound. And I don't see it as negative in what I said, to me it positive. I just need to stop placing him as a priority to me. He wanted me gone so fine I'll let him be on his own, he'll eventually realize that getting rid of me was a huge mistake. And will come back crawling back, lol that day will be soooo much fun when it happens soon.

My therapist is making me see things differently and helping me see my worth. None of it, he or anybody or the rebound is a threat to me. Yeah I want him back but I just am tired from living in the past and feeling miserable so I am really making myself happy and it feels great. So I am just not focusing on him anymore. I am taking back any ounce of power I gave him. The only visualization I do it the "Pussy Whip" cause it only takes five minutes. I just don't want to do 30 mins cause cause sorry, I got my own life to focus on sweetie, you're not that important ;). I LOVE how Lanie really wants you to just empower yourself and that's what I am doing. I also visualize him just really trying so hard to try to get my attention lol when I DO feel like thinking of him. MY visualizations I do now empowering towards me and I reverse the roles, it now my lover in my role constantly texting me, and begging me to come back and apologizing and being a sucker for me etc. it feels great reversing the roles now.

My therapist said there is nothing wrong with being angry and I have to take my own pace in healing. People try too quickly to heal and fix and that's what I did which wasn't good for me.I tried to hard and I just have to accept it, it's okay to be angry and hate him, for however long I need too, it will end naturally at some point. I have stayed in my anger phase for a bit, I journaled my anger, trashed talked him in my journal, the rebound etc. As bad as it it, it felt SOOOO GOOD letting that **** just out, I know you shouldnt write out this but people here need to see that sometimes just venting it out is positive release. For me it was to get it on paper and just let it sit.

it is liberating and it makes ME HAPPY. It great knowing that I can stop blaming myself for so many things and see that I have a big heart. My therapist is all for me doing what I need and he's made me seeit's my ex who has a lot of issues. Whether or not I created that is irrelevant because this journey is about me and I am now seeing my worth and what I can do to control my life and be happy. I am HAPPY I can change me and become a better person.

I am reading a book my therapist recommended and I realized I really wasn't valuing myself and being dependent on someone. Really being selfish is helping me. I think I am finally moving on each day little by little from him.

I don't need him, I don't need anybody to make me happy.

That's why for me I am not doing scripting or anything etc. I have trust in the universe, it knows what I want and it'll bring me what I want or even better. The universe it telling me at this point in my life to really LOVE myself and just enjoy myself. I getting my relationship with myself back. I am winning a love back. When I can do that then what I want will happen.

Last edited by CarpeDiem (8/20/2015 4:22 am)

I started school again and I am beyond happy. I now attend my dream school. I worked sooo hard throughout the years and dreamed and dreamed of getting into this school. Its incredibly difficult and I was one of the 100 people out of thousands to get into my major to study.

For the first time I havent had him cross my mind, I forgot about everything thats happened in my life the past few months. it felt so weird that i really had it wiped clean from my mind. I havent woken up with any sort of knot feeling in my stomach either. i wake up happy, i don't feel like i am forcing myself out of bed.

I am so high on life right now, its insane.

I have made a ton of new friends, hell I have two guys that interested in me. I got a promotion at my job, I have an interview for an internship for my field  of study

and last but not least...

my therapist told me today, that within the 3 sessions that we've had, he says I am drastically changing, he says I exude such a confidence its incredible, I am not 100% there I still have very minimal moments where i am sad and doubt but its so minimal now. 

I haven't focus on him, i really have just been doing me. I am so happy and really am getting there each and everyday.

I AM SOOOO ******* HAPPY! Sorry for the profanity but I REALLY FEEL GREAT!

Last edited by CarpeDiem (8/26/2015 12:43 am)

This is amazing! Congratulations and well done for all your hard work. Keep it up. Glad to hear your feeling happy and positive. 😊

So that guy in my class that looks like my love I told y'all about, (and I hope the universe doesn't smite me)

not gonna lie... is hotter... oops sorry haha.

And to be at my school he has to also be very very smart (which is a plus), and he is studying the same major as me which he must KNOW how time consuming it is (something my lover had trouble dealing with)...

and from what Ive been told by professors etc..., people in my field tend to have better romantic relationships with those in that same field because of the fact we would both be understanding of the times and commitment to it. And since we are in studio alot you see them quite frequently.

Hot, Smart, and same field. Its a win win. I did tell the universe for my guy... OR someone better ;) 

Now the next part, gotta not be shy and try to talk to him ;-* Wish me luck.

Last edited by CarpeDiem (9/09/2015 11:12 am)

Guys, I need help?

my heart is in limbo.

i was in such a dark place when i first came here. i took a lot of time to myself and really can say i am happy and enjoying life. 

i really dont think about the past anymore and don't like talking about it. its pointless.

howver here is my issue. i don't know what i want anymore.

i now am a better person now and have changed. people comment all the time how happy i am, how much ive changed and grown, people have really started to look at me differently, i really have attracted the best into my life now. but... i don't know if i want him back.

nothing has happened, no contact from him but it doesn't bother me nor do i dwell on it.

i love him but i just feel like I am worth so much more now. i am not trying to be conceited but i have accomplished so much since my breakup. i have learned to love myself, i no longer have low self esteem. this break up and drak period has really has really been one of the best things to happen to me and i now see it as such a positive thing because it's helped me become better and happier.

so thats why i don't know if i want him or not. at times i do and at other times i am just like, i deserve the absolute best.

what do i do? 

Last edited by CarpeDiem (10/07/2015 2:01 am)