To be honest, I'm not so surprise that this is happening, because that was the vibration I got from you around that topic. You did expect that, right? You want to be in a secure position, but you are vibing fear and unsecurity and that's what you get. LoA has never been about what you want, it has always been about who you are and your second post shows that you are nearly as desperate around that topic as others around their ex. You see all the ex back people and you know why they don't succeed, right? At least I know it. It's obvious to me. Don't make the same mistake they make. They put their ex on the pedestal, you just do the same thing with the job. There are plenty of jobs that are even more perfect for you, but you have a bunch of limiting beliefs going on, you have to work on first. I know that you need a job, but I also know that LoA never brings you what you need the most,  but what you feel the most.

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

Sanshi wrote:

To be honest, I'm not so surprise that this is happening, because that was the vibration I got from you around that topic. You did expect that, right? You want to be in a secure position, but you are vibing fear and unsecurity and that's what you get. LoA has never been about what you want, it has always been about who you are and your second post shows that you are nearly as desperate around that topic as others around their ex. You see all the ex back people and you know why they don't succeed, right? At least I know it. It's obvious to me. Don't make the same mistake they make. They put their ex on the pedestal, you just do the same thing with the job. There are plenty of jobs that are even more perfect for you, but you have a bunch of limiting beliefs going on, you have to work on first. I know that you need a job, but I also know that LoA never brings you what you need the most,  but what you feel the most.

Your response is interesting Sanshi, thanks a lot.  The whole thing still has me puzzled, though.

For example, I know that I am competent, capable, intelligent and can do most things.  BUT the conditions have never been created for me to thrive in this role.  You can't just chuck someone in at the deep end and expect them to swim, which is what happened to me.  One limiting belief I guess was that "I can't say I don't understand this as the previous postholder knew it back to front and they will think I am stupid" and that didn't serve me. 

Another realisation is, I think, as I said in the post.  I have allowed myself to accept crumbs. This is where I always wanted to work, and I was grateful to get here.  Maybe I felt I could only have "crumbs" because I was an impostor - not the "real" postholder who was held in such high regard for many, many years.  Perhaps I "limited" myself because I was only ever meant to be a stopgap person.  And they therefore treated me as a stopgap person. There has also not been transparency.  Instead of mentoring or supporting me with unfamiliar tasks, if I didn't get them right tasks were taken away from me, someone else did it - who had 20+ years of experience - and got all the praise.  A few words of encouragement would have helped.

It's really hard to know what to "work on".  I've been doing the emotional guidance scale, and got as far as Contentment - ie I was content with the tasks I had to do in my job, would be happy to carry on doing these, etc etc - but then other things took over (I've had a very sick cat to deal with for two weeks plus pressure of work, and my Masters course) so I haven't really worked on it.

 

First of all, I want to say that I'm pretty skilled in giving advice, but that doesn't mean that I'm able to implement it myself. I know that this is kinda tricky and I have to work on this some day myself, so don't take me too seriously here.
One problem I read out of your post is that you think too much about what others could think about you. From a non LoA perspective, it's very likely that most people don't think about you at all. How many people around you do you believe are stupid? In my real life, I can only think of one girl that isn't the brightest star. Maybe you know more, but how are the odds that someone thinks you are stupid, if they only know a hand full of people who they think are stupid? You are way less important to other people than you think sometimes, again from a non LoA perspective. That isn't meant in a offensive way. I have told this myself many times, because I always tried to figure out what people think about me and I came to the conclusion that they mostly don't think about me at all and that's a good thing. I pointed that non LoA perspective out, because you seem to take your reality still very seriously.

From a LoA point of view, people mirror back to you what you put out. So they just mirrored your fear to not be good enough. I understand that it can feel as if the outside circumstances could make things better or worse (like giving words of encouragement), but they really can't, because it's just a reflection of you. I can't tell you how you felt of course, but chances are you were insecure about the job before.

A good starting point for what to work on is a thought that doesn't feel good. Take the topic that is bothering you the most. Is it the money? Is it your insecurity about your abilities? Is it the feeling of powerlessness and other people having control over you? Let's take the last one as an example. Powerlessness is very far down the emotional scale and for a good reason. It's the very opposite of the truth and that's what your Inner Being is telling you in that moment. You don't have to jump to the other end of the scale immediately. In fact, that's impossible. But you can find softer thoughts and slowly but surely work your way up the EMGS.

Admit, it's not the easiest topic in the world and I agree that it can equaly hard as the ex back thing, because in both cases you feel that you need the manifestation. But try to soften your grip to the topic a little. Give up the fight against it and let go of the resistance. You will find your way. There is always a way.
 

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

I suppose it's all the issues really Sanshi.  Money being the main one because the biggest fear is losing my house.  Now I have thought about that, it is money or loss of it rather than job.  Though I do concern myself with what my managers think of me - as they have the control over me.  If my colleagues don't like me that is their problem (this is not the case btw)

That's an important realisation, because it means that you don't want this job necessarily, but one like it, right? Or even a better one where people instruct you properly and you can stay as long as you want. So what you have to do is easy. You just have to focus on the things you want in a job without any connection to the job you have now. Maybe you can keep it, maybe you will find something better, but you will win in any way.

Contract extended by three weeks to the end of January.  Hey, it's a start!!!