It's good that you have identified what is blocking you from manifesting your desire.

Forgiveness is about accepting what has past and letting it go. It requires you to be willing to let it go. When you are truly at a place where you decide that you will let it go, any technique will work. In fact you probaly won't need a technique because you will just say it and it will be done.

Additionally you need to get in touch with yourself. Understand why the things you are not letting go of are so painful to you. The meanings we attach to events are assigned in proportion to how we see and value ourself. So get some understanding on how you see yourself in all of this.

Counsellors and psychiatrists do not need to be into LOA to work. The serve a purpose to allow you to release fears, doubts and grievance and to get in touch with yourself.

If you feel the task of forgiveness is to big for you right now. Then bring the focus back to you. Increase your self confidence and self love. See yourself as worthy. As your confidence increases you will see that all the baggage you are carrying is of no value to you.

Can I just say, and I know certain people have thought I'm a nay sayer for saying things like this but I'm actually not, I'm a big Abraham fan and I love her teachings about relationship topics and I also love listening to Sadhguru too (check him out on youtube!)

Basically, No one will ever be 100% the way you want them. No one. Not your parents, your children, your friends, your spouse, not even your pets! Life in general will not go on the outside 100% the way you want it. The ONLY person you have 100% control over is you. That might not seem like the best at first because you want her to be the way you want her, i.e with you right now and deeply in love, but right now that is not in the reality we all live in. But you can choose to live your life pleasantly and peacefully and happily or you can choose it torturing yourself over someone who is not here or obsessing about ways to get something that is not here or getting depressed about it too. Depression will come if you keep torturing yourself and obsessing over something you do not have right now. 

So, you might read this and say 'ok so how does this relate to getting her back ? I want her back, I don't really care if I'm peaceful or not peaceful, but I will be one if that leads to getting her back so...what one do I do?'  We have all thought like that before. 'I don't care if I'm happy or unhappy, I just want this person back right now.' Therein lies the problem! Who wants to be with someone SO obsessed with getting them back that that person doesn't seem to care if they are happy or unhappy? Would you? And imagine going back to that person and at first you think it's lovely and look at how much they love you and missed you and how much attention they give you! Then after sometime you start thinking, am I literally their only point of happiness? Am I their world? Do they have nothing ever more exciting than me going on in their lives? And if I was the most exciting part of someone's life, I'd feel smothered, unhappy, annoyed, frustrated ! Abraham says, no one can hold you as their object of attention all the time and if that's what you need to get into the vortex (a mind state of peace, contentedness, natural joy, positivity) then you will not be in the vortex for very long and that person will run a mile away! 

So you may say a hundred things back about how you're doing fine without her really, but your posts really don't convey that at all. Stop calling her you soul mate, stop putting so much power in her hands that she does not want right now! It's been a year, it's time to stop the asking part of the process and start the receiving/letting go part. There's a reason why many people say that the fastest way to get over someone is also the fastest way to get them back. Because when you're well and truly over someone, they are not your intense object of attention and they are not your biggest or only source of happiness (or anger). You are back to the mindset you had before you ever met them, which has no resistance towards them but no giant pull for them either. A good way to test this is to think of a girlfriend you had from years ago who you are well and truly over and have no bad feelings towards at all anymore and imagine meeting that girl again and I bet you would be quite relaxed and at ease and probably also a little bit flirtatious perhaps or at least friendly and she would respond quite well! Because being over the relationship means having no bad feelings and losing that resistance. 

Also, this girl you're talking about, you only want her because you believe you would be happier having her. Now you need to have compassion and think to yourself, she is only not with you because she believes she would be not be happier with you. It's everyone's right to be happy and to do what they believe will make them happy. Compassion will ease your anger and upset too  

ShootingStar wrote:

Can I just say, and I know certain people have thought I'm a nay sayer for saying things like this but I'm actually not, I'm a big Abraham fan and I love her teachings about relationship topics and I also love listening to Sadhguru too (check him out on youtube!)

Basically, No one will ever be 100% the way you want them. No one. Not your parents, your children, your friends, your spouse, not even your pets! Life in general will not go on the outside 100% the way you want it. The ONLY person you have 100% control over is you. That might not seem like the best at first because you want her to be the way you want her, i.e with you right now and deeply in love, but right now that is not in the reality we all live in. But you can choose to live your life pleasantly and peacefully and happily or you can choose it torturing yourself over someone who is not here or obsessing about ways to get something that is not here or getting depressed about it too. Depression will come if you keep torturing yourself and obsessing over something you do not have right now. 

So, you might read this and say 'ok so how does this relate to getting her back ? I want her back, I don't really care if I'm peaceful or not peaceful, but I will be one if that leads to getting her back so...what one do I do?'  We have all thought like that before. 'I don't care if I'm happy or unhappy, I just want this person back right now.' Therein lies the problem! Who wants to be with someone SO obsessed with getting them back that that person doesn't seem to care if they are happy or unhappy? Would you? And imagine going back to that person and at first you think it's lovely and look at how much they love you and missed you and how much attention they give you! Then after sometime you start thinking, am I literally their only point of happiness? Am I their world? Do they have nothing ever more exciting than me going on in their lives? And if I was the most exciting part of someone's life, I'd feel smothered, unhappy, annoyed, frustrated ! Abraham says, no one can hold you as their object of attention all the time and if that's what you need to get into the vortex (a mind state of peace, contentedness, natural joy, positivity) then you will not be in the vortex for very long and that person will run a mile away! 

So you may say a hundred things back about how you're doing fine without her really, but your posts really don't convey that at all. Stop calling her you soul mate, stop putting so much power in her hands that she does not want right now! It's been a year, it's time to stop the asking part of the process and start the receiving/letting go part. There's a reason why many people say that the fastest way to get over someone is also the fastest way to get them back. Because when you're well and truly over someone, they are not your intense object of attention and they are not your biggest or only source of happiness (or anger). You are back to the mindset you had before you ever met them, which has no resistance towards them but no giant pull for them either. A good way to test this is to think of a girlfriend you had from years ago who you are well and truly over and have no bad feelings towards at all anymore and imagine meeting that girl again and I bet you would be quite relaxed and at ease and probably also a little bit flirtatious perhaps or at least friendly and she would respond quite well! Because being over the relationship means having no bad feelings and losing that resistance. 

Also, this girl you're talking about, you only want her because you believe you would be happier having her. Now you need to have compassion and think to yourself, she is only not with you because she believes she would be not be happier with you. It's everyone's right to be happy and to do what they believe will make them happy. Compassion will ease your anger and upset too  

Thank you very much for writing this. <3 I really enjoyed reading it. It showed me where I started and how far I've come.
 

ShootingStar wrote:

Awh no worries ! Just trying to share the message of happiness It took me so long to allow myself to just be a happy person. Took months of me deciding that I would never be happy without him, that I would never go near another man only him, that I would live in sadness and blackness until I got him. The amount of Lana Del Rey songs I listened to! Then one day I though, 'f**k it, I'm just going to go out and have fun tonight with my friends' and that got the ball rolling until I realised what a waste of time it really is to put the power of your happiness in someone else's hands. Sometimes I did get him back when I was in that mindset, and damn, I'm telling you it wasn't happiness I felt when he came back, it was just relief from sadness and depression and desperateness ! And it didn't last long and it wasn't actual happiness at all. No wonder why he ran away again! Now I know ! So I want to spread this because I think there are a few people on here who really need to understand that torturing yourself is not the answer and will NOT bring a happy relationship forth even if the person comes back. Especially if that specific person comes back! 

I think it's hard to get that at first. I knew intelectually that I wasted my time right from the very beginning, but I couldn't help but obsess about him. It seemed easier to get happy by getting him back (even though I wasn't happy in the last months of the relationship) than by doing it on my own. But now I know that it will never work to make someone responsible for my happiness. It will lead to too high expectations and kill every relationship after a while. The only "problem" is that I'm not so sure anymore, if I even want my guy, when he comes. I think that's another reason why people don't want to let go. They fear that they don't longer want the person. I don't really understand why that's so. It's a little strange.

BooLala,

You might be thinking to yourself "I have to forgive! I have to forgive! I have to forgive! It's the only way I can get her back!" If you forgive only to get her back, I think it will just keep you stuck in a cycle of pain. Think of forgiveness not as technique to attract her back, but for you to find your positive energy again. If you forgive but she doesn't come back and you're still upset, it's not really forgiveness because you expected a condition out of it. Forgiveness is really another way of looking at unconditional love from the inside out. And if you're still in so much pain because she's not with you, it's not her you need, it's healing you need. Forgiveness is a not a technique for attracting people or things, it's healing for you to be free again.

You're probably also thinking "I have to forgive right now!" But I say don't rush it. Forcing yourself to forgive is resistance, it's going against your own anger and sadness because you haven't honored those feelings yet. In your mind you may have forgiven but emotionally it won't feel that way yet because the sadness and anger is still there. There's nothing wrong with being sad or angry, they're just feelings, the only "wrong" is how we choose to act on it. Do we suppress our feelings and hurt within? Do we dish out our anger on others and hurt them? Or do we just let our feelings be and find a healthy way to express them?

Here are my favorite ways to express anger:

- Violent video games and movies that uplift me
- Exercise/ sports
- Going for a walk
- Meditating on it
- Expressive journaling
- Creative writing or art, anything creative

Once you find a good way to consistently express your sadness, anger and fear - you will notice changes over time. I have a hunch that a lot of our anger and sadness comes from not moving on in life. We all have to move on whether we like it or not. Even if we do get with the specific person we once wanted, they will change and we will change, our lives will change and we have to move on with it. If we don't...it's like our life force energy is stuck and depleted, like a wound that bleeds constantly.

They say that happiness is the best revenge. Anger especially loves action, the trick is to choose actions that make our life better. When you channel your anger into making your life awesome now, all that angry energy will eventually transform and the sadness will be transformed with it. That's how it was for me. Eventually you'll see the amazing life you've built for yourself and you'll realize all the sadness and anger of the past doesn't exist anymore, all the things you hated about your past don't exist anymore, it's all gone and there's only the Now. And you'll see clearly that you don't need to carry your past on your shoulders anymore, that your anger and sadness over a past that doesn't exist serves no purpose now. And that's when forgiveness will be easy. That's when you'll feel it emotionally. When you love yourself and the life you've built, it's so much easier to appreciate the dark moments you once hated because they have no power over you now.

But for now, don't resist your feelings or try too hard to forgive. Just let the feelings be, feel them, let them flow through you, and channel them into making a happier life for yourself. And then forgiveness will be easier.




 

Last edited by Colonel Roosevelt (7/21/2016 1:13 pm)